用英語講笑話寫一篇作文怎麼寫

❶ 英語作文笑話

不知道你看過非誠勿擾沒？裡面有段很牛的台詞，跟你說的差不多：
范偉：你看看咱們說中文呢，還是說英文呢？
葛優：您定，哪個順口您說哪個。
范偉：那還是說母語吧。Nice to Meet You…

❷ 一篇英語笑話短文 300字左右 有翻譯的

3.Too Long

The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."

太久

一家報紙的旅行版編輯打開電話，說她終於決定要採用一篇我幾年前寫的文章。她想確定那旅遊信息是否還可靠。「我還想確定，」她怯怯地坦白道：「您是否還健在。每次發現作者已經不在人世了，我才知道我將文章壓得太久了。」

2.Charge for Bread and Butter

Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.

Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."

Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."

The $1.50 was returned without delay.
麵包和黃油費

幾年前，我當律師的爸爸帶我去紐約的一家高檔餐館。帳單上來時，上面有1.5美元的麵包和黃油費。爸爸付了帳，連同麵包和黃油的收費一齊付了。但是第二天，他給餐館寄了一封信，說那項收費是沒有道理的。隨信還寄上了一張500美元的法律服務機構的收費單。

餐館馬上打來電話，問道：「這500美元的收費單是怎麼回事？我們從來沒有要什麼法律機構的服務。」

爸爸答道，「我也從來沒有要什麼麵包和黃油。」

那1.5美元立即就寄了回來。

❸ 一篇關於用英語講笑話的活動的英語廣播稿

I have a dream.

❹ 英語小笑話怎麼寫

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。
女孩：應該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
"To be deaf," replied the boy.
"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
在一次音樂學院的入學考試中，老師問其中一個男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質是什麼？"
"耳聾，"男孩答道。
"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。
"怎麼了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待："你怎麼了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"
男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。"
酒吧招待："那你應該高興才是啊！"
男人："不，今天是這個月的最後一天。"

【Laughter】2009-5-27
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在擔憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔憂。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會買；而對於女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會買。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"
女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。
"不論是誰，一旦違規，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什麼疑問么？"
這時人群中一個男同學問道，"那麼一個季度通行證需要多少錢？"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？
女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.
醫生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：應該如此。我昨晚練習了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."
Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."
皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現了我做過的所有蠢事。"
鮑勃："你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。"

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"
哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什麼大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"
弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"
"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"
巡警發現一名婦女邊開車邊織毛衣，便開車上前，說："靠邊停車(套頭衫)！"
"不，" 她回答，"是一雙襪子！"\

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英語笑話（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它們是從美國直接帶來的

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

邏輯推理

小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個例子：「有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裡。於是他開始掙扎並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麼？」 一個女生舉手答道，「是不是去取他的存款？」

[注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的「銀行」之外，還有「河岸」的意思。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了嗎?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent『s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
「I want『yes』or『no，』」thundered counsel．「There is no need for you to argue the point！」
「But there are some questions which cannot be answered by『yes』or『no，』」mildly responded the witness．
「There are not！」 snapped the lawyer．
「Oh，」 said the witness，「answer this then：「Have you ceased beating your wife？」

這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向於在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
「我要你回答『是』或者『不是』，」辯護律師怒喝道： 「你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。」
「可是有些問題無法用『是』或者『不是』來回答。」這位證人溫和地回敬他。
「不存在這樣的問題！」律師厲聲打斷他。
「噢，」證人說：「那麼請你回答這個問題：「你停止打你老婆了嗎？」

Talking clock

會說話的鍾
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。「那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什麼用的？」他的一個朋友問他。「那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鍾」，學生回答。「這鍾怎麼工作的」，他的朋友問。「看著，別眨眼了」，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拚命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁牆那邊有人狂叫，「別敲了，你這白痴！現在是凌晨兩點鍾了！」

Secret For a Long Life

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

長壽秘訣

一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。

「我無意中發現，你是多麼幸福，」那女士說。「你幸福而長壽的秘密是什麼？」

「我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。」

「哦，真神奇，」女士說。「你高壽？」

❺ 用英語寫一篇關於上課與老師們的笑話

1. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

❻ 初二的英語笑話作文

One day a French man goes to New York.He don't know a word of English.When he arrive in New York,he takes a taxi to the hotel.It's Sunday,so the Frenchman wants to go out for a walk.He walks along the streets and then stop,for he remeber he doesn't no the name of the street,so he wants to write it down.he looks at the wall near the conor of the street.He see some words on it and writes them downin his notebook.He walks for a long time.Then he feels tired and wants to go back to his hotel.He takes the notebook out of his pocket and show the name to a young man.But he doesn't know what the man wants.Do you know what's the words in his notebook?These are the words:No way ahead.
一天一個法國男人到紐約去，他不會英語。當他到達紐約時，他在機場打了一輛計程車去旅館，這是星期天，所以這個男人想到外面去散步。她走在街上然後想起了他應該記下街的名字以免走失。他看著界的拐角處的牆上寫這幾個字就把他們記了下來。當他走累時，他把筆記本上的字給一個人看，但那個人也不明白他是什麼意思，你知道他的筆記本上寫了省么嗎？那上面寫著「前方沒有路」

給點分，我打了半天

❼ 求一篇英語的文章，笑話，故事。不要太長（300字左右就可以）

A teacher said to her class: "Who was the first man?" 「George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly. "How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling inlgently. "Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen." But at this point a larger boy held up his hand. "Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?" "I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him." 有個老師問班上的學生： 「誰是第一個男人？」 「喬治華盛頓，」一個小男孩當即叫道。 「你怎麼知道喬治華盛頓是第一個男人呢？」老師問道，寬容地微笑著。 小男孩說：「因為他是戰時第一，和時第一，國人心中第一。」 這時一個大點兒的男孩舉起手來。 「那麼，」老師對他說，「你認為誰是第一個男人呢？」 「我不知道他的名字，」大點兒的男孩說，「但我知道不是喬治華盛頓，老師。因為歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓取了一個寡婦，所以在他前面肯定還有一個男人。」

❽ 一篇英語作文，一篇笑話

The Spring Festival is the most important festival in China.People usually decorate the doors and windows with red papercuts.becouse red means good luck.People usually clean house too.becouse they want to sweep away bad luck.Children can get some new clothes or presents from their parents and grandparents.
On New Year's Eve,family always have a big dinner.Everybody are watch TV and talk.In the midnight,there usually fairworks.
On New Year's Day,people usually put on their new clothes and visit their femily and friends.They usually say:"Happy New Year's Day."
The Spring Festival finishes at the Lantern Festival after two weeks.People usually eat a kind of rice mpling called yuanxiao.It can take people good luck all the year round.
笑話；
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我沒有睡著

當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒！」

「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。

「沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？」

「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」

❾ 描述一個笑話用五十詞英語作文

One summer evening ring a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."

❿ 笑話的英語怎麼寫

祝好運哦！
笑話 [xiào hua]
基本釋義
漢語詞典 joke
jest
jape
在例句中比較
笑話 [xiào hua] 譏諷；嘲笑。 沙汀《還鄉記》：「他之紅臉，原因很簡單的，他怕一對老年人笑話他袒護老婆。」能引人發笑的談話或故事。 丁玲《韋護》：「他也講了一個法國人的笑話，他還模仿那法國人的腔調和神態表演了一段。」可笑；荒誕。 洪深《香稻米》：「笑話，我自己又不懂，哪個要你的田，你的二十幾畝田，能值幾個錢!」也指可笑的事；荒誕的事。 老舍《女店員》：「咱們要不作好准備，一定會出笑話!」以上來源於：《現代漢語大詞典》
網路釋義
新漢英大辭典 joke
在法國版LOL中，他的笑話（Joke）是不一樣的。在法國版里引用的是丁丁歷險記中的一段話。

基於118個網頁-相關網頁 報錯
laugh at sb
單元分析 ... be afraid to 害怕去做 laugh at sb. 笑話；取笑（某人） take notes 做筆記，做記錄 ...

基於33個網頁-相關網頁 報錯

jesting
英語新詞彙與常用詞彙的翻譯(J) ... jestful 詼諧的 jesting 笑話 jestingly 鬧著玩地 ...

基於30個網頁-相關網頁 報錯

laugh at
片語 共有 0 條回復件 ... later on 亦後；隨後 laugh at 笑話；取笑（某人） learn about 了解 ...

基於25個網頁-相關網頁 報錯

短語
講笑話 tell a joke ; tell jokes ; tell funny jokes ; make jokes about

冷笑話 THE BAD JOKE ; humor ; Mike D'Antoni ; a thin joke

黑色笑話 Interlude