高中生笑話英語怎麼說
Ⅰ 笑話有英語怎麼說
笑話 [xiào hua]
（引人發笑的故事， 笑料）
joke;
jest;
jape:
鬧笑話
make a fool of oneself;
make a funny mistake;
說笑話
crack a joke;
jape;
短語
（恥笑; 譏笑）
laugh at;
ridicule;
howl;
sneer at:
希望對版你有幫助 如有疑問 請在線交談 祝你權考上理想的學校
1、Hey, pull my finger!
唉，我要放屁咯！（美國人暗示別人自己要放屁時用pull my finger，非常地道的美語哦！）
2、 I don't care if it's on sale, 300 dollars is way to much for a designer dress.
我才不管現在是不是打折呢！300美元買一件名牌裙子也太貴了！
3、Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
哦！不要停下來問路吧，我相信你肯定能找到去那兒的路。
4、Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
親愛的，你會不會覺得這件衣服顯得我屁股太小？
5、Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
我們的關系能不能有點實質性的進展？我受夠了「我們只是朋友」。
6、Ohh, this diamond is way to big!
哦！這顆鑽石實在是太大了！
7、Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
我們今天晚上能不能不要聊天、只看電視啊？
8、What do you mean today's our anniversary?
啊？今天是我們結婚紀念日？
1、We never talk anymore.
人家再也不跟你說話了啦！
2、Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
嘿，你試穿的時候我來幫你拿包包。
3、 Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
哦！星期一晚上看什麼足球賽啊，我們來看《飛躍情海》吧！（女生超愛的電視連續劇。）
4、While I'm up, can I get you anything?
我起身的時候，要幫你（順手）拿點兒什麼嗎？
5、 Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
哦！安東尼·巴德拉斯和布拉德·皮特？我一定要看那部電影！
6、 Here honey, you use the remote.
給，親愛的，你來用遙控器吧。
1、Betty:"I fell last night, unconscious for eight hours."
貝蒂：「我昨晚摔了一跤，昏迷了8個小時。」
Hetty:"How dreadful! Where did you fall?"
赫蒂：「真可怕！你在哪裡摔的？」
Betty:"I fell asleep."
貝蒂：「我是在睡夢中。」
2、Tommy:"Are flies good to eat?"
湯米：「蒼蠅好吃嗎？」
Dad:"I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
爸爸：「我想不好吃。你為什麼這樣問？」
Tommy:"There was one in your pie."
湯米：「剛才你的餡餅裡面有一隻。」
3、Mother:"Why were you kept after school today, Johnny?"
媽媽：「今天放學後，你為什麼要被留下來，約翰尼？」
Johnny:"Teacher told us to write an essay on 'The Result of Laziness', and I turned in an blank sheet of paper."
約翰尼：「老師讓我們寫一篇作文《懶惰的後果》，我交了一張白紙。」
4、I was putting cream on my face when my little girl asked what I was doing. I explained that it was good for wrinkles.
我向臉上抹面霜時，小女兒問我在干什麼。我解釋說這種面霜對皺紋有好處。
"It's sure doing a great job, mommy," she replied."You are getting more of them."
她回答說：「媽媽，它肯定很管用。你的皺紋越來越多了。」
小笑話出自： http://www.xiao89.com/portal.php?mod=view&aid=1462
Ⅲ 高中英語笑話
To Be Polite
One day,Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner.As soon as the waiter took out two steaks,Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn't happy about that:"When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill:"If you had the chance to pick first,which one would you pick?"
Tom:"The smaller piece,of course."
Bill:"What are you whining about then?The smaller piece is what you want,right?"
學會禮貌
一天,比爾和湯姆去餐館吃飯.當服務員端上兩份牛排時,比爾迅速地為自己拿了比較大的那塊.
湯姆對此很不開心：「你什麼時候能學會禮貌?」
比爾說：「如果讓你先拿,你會拿哪個?」
湯姆說：「當然是小的那個.」
比爾：「那你還抱怨什麼?小的那個不就是你想要的,不是嗎?」
Ⅳ 笑話用英語怎麼說
joke
Ⅳ 高中生看的懂的英語幽默笑話
你可以去谷歌搜一下懷諾美文網看看
Ⅵ 笑話用英語怎麼說
joke,笑話的意思
祝樓主更上一層樓
Ⅶ 誰有5篇英語短文，笑話也行，要有中文翻譯
Time【時間】
Lost time is never found again. This is something which I learned very clearly last semester. I spent so much time fooling around that my grades began to suffer. I finally realized that something had to be done. It was time for a change.
Now I have a new plan for using my time wisely. I have set my alarm clock ahead half an hour. This will give me a head start on the day. I have also decided to keep a log of what I do and when I do it. Looking back on what I』ve done will give me some ideas on how to reorganize my time.
時光一去不復返，這是我上學期清楚學到的教訓。我浪費很多時間四處游盪，以致於我的成績開始退步。最後我終於了解到我必須有所作為；該是痛改前非的時候了。
現在我有一個明智運用時間的新方法。我已將鬧鍾早撥半小時，這將使我這一天的作息提前開始。我也決定將我所做的一切及做這些事的時間記錄下來。回顧我所做的事情會啟發我如何重新安排我的時間。
Work and Play【工作與娛樂】
Work and play do not contradict each other; in fact, they complement each other. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a ll boy." A life burdened with work leads you nowhere, for you would get tired and bored with your daily routine work. On the other hand, proper recreation will relieve the tension and discomfort of our monotonous life because it offers you various ways to let out your pent-up emotions.
工作與娛樂並不互相沖突，事實上，它們之間的關系還相輔相成。有句格言說：「整日工作而沒有休閑娛樂，會令人變得沉悶乏味。」被工作重擔壓得喘不過氣來的生活，將使你一事無成，因為你將對一成不變的例行公事感到厭煩。由另一方面來說，適度的娛樂活動能提供各種管道，來渲泄你被壓抑的情緒，減輕單調生活中的緊張與不悅。
My first Job【我的第一份工作】
My first job was at a cramming school. It was three years ago when I just graated from junior high school and finished the entrance examination. since I had nothing to do that summer, I decided to find a job, tasting the joy of independence.
我的第一份工作是在一家補習班做事。那是三年前我剛從國中畢業，考完聯考時的事了。既然我那整個夏天都閑著沒事，倒不如找份差事，嘗嘗獨立賺錢的快樂。
My Favorite Sports【我最喜愛的運動】
Sports help everyone to keep healthy, happy, and efficient. So I pay special attention to games, especially table-tennis. Table tennis is my favorite game. I play it almost every day.
Table-tennis is an ideal game us because it brings the whole body into action. It strengthens our muscles, expands our lungs, promotes the circulation of the blood, and causes a healthy action of the skin. Besides, it is very amusing and does not cost us much money. Table-tennis is very moderate; it is not so rough as football. It is an indoor game and can be played even on rainy days. Thus, it is my favorite kind of exercise.
運動能幫助每一個人保持健康、快樂和有效率。所以我特別重視運動，特別是撞球，撞球是我最喜歡的運動。我幾乎每天玩。
撞球對我們而言，是一項理想的運動，因為它可以使我們全身運動，它可以增強我們的肌肉，擴張我們的肺部，促進血液循環，並且使肌膚產生健康作用，此外，它很有趣而且所費不多。撞球是相當溫和適中的，它不像足球那麼粗野。它是一種室內運動，甚至在下雨天也能玩。因此，撞球是我最喜愛的一種運動。
heavy shoolwork【課業繁重】
In my opinion, the schoolwork now being assigned to high school students is too heavy. While it is true that students need to study, they need other things as well if they are to grow into healthy and well-rounded alts. High should be allowed more time for play. Plying is not wasting time, as some think. It gives them physical exercise, and also exercise their imagination. Which tends to be stifled by too much study. Finally, the pressure put on high school students by excessive schoolwork can cause serious stress, which is unhealthy physically and mentally. I do not advocate the elimination of schoolwork. I do think, however, that a rection of the current heavy load would be beneficial to students and to the society as a whole.
我認為目前高中生的課業實在太重了，雖然說學生的確應當念書，但是要想長大成為健全的人，他門還需要一些其它的東西，所以應該給高中生較多從事娛樂的時間。娛樂並不如某些人所想的，是在浪費時間，它可以讓學生鍛煉身體，發揮被繁重課業扼殺的想像力。此外，繁重的課業加諸在高中生身上的壓力可能引起嚴重的情緒緊張，這對身心都有害。我並非主張廢除學校課業，但是我認為減輕目前繁重的課業對於學生和整個社會都是有益的。
Ⅷ 誰能給我個很好笑的英語笑話，高中階段的
搞笑的英語小笑話1：Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?
牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了
搞笑的英語小笑話2：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒!」
「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。
「沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?」
「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」
搞笑的英語小笑話3：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
「你根本無法想像和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，」一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，「她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麼我的答案是錯的。」
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
誰更有禮貌?
一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什麼時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
搞笑的英語小笑話4：Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，「我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很乾凈很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?」
旅館主人立即回了封信，「我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者牆上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。
搞笑的英語小笑話5：Intelligent son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聰明的兒子
有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來後,父親問他:「你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?」 「當然」「你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?」
「我當然看見信封上什麼也沒寫」「那你為什麼不拿回來呢?」
「我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!」
搞笑的英語小笑話6：Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把腳放進去
一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裡起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。「瑪麗!」老師嚴厲地叫她。「什麼事，老師?」這女學生問。「把口香糖從嘴裡拿出來，把腳放進去。」
搞笑的英語小笑話7：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒!」
「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。
「沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?」
「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」
搞笑的英語小笑話8：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
「你根本無法想像和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，」一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，「她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麼我的答案是錯的。」
搞笑的英語小笑話9：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒?
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀!」
「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?」
哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」
搞笑的英語小笑話10：Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道這個諺語嗎?
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」
「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?」
Ⅸ 要一個超級搞笑的英語笑話帶中文翻譯，高中水平
Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
兩塊蛋糕復
湯姆：媽制媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎？
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧！
Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
媽媽：瑪麗，你為什麼這樣大喊大叫的？ 為什麼不能像艾迪那樣安安靜靜的玩兒呢？你看艾迪一聲兒都不出。
瑪麗：媽媽，艾迪當然不會出聲了，因為我們倆正在玩爸爸回家遲到的游戲呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。
Ⅹ 我想找一些英文的短笑話，並有中文翻譯，我是一名高二的學生，一定要好笑的啊！在線等
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似
18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」
英語笑話（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。
英語笑話（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告「年輕者」
這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，
千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」
英語笑話（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」
英語笑話（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。
「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」
英語笑話（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個引擎
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」
回答者：lovemydream - 高級經理 七級 7-5 10:08
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評論者： YABNV - 魔法學徒 一級
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Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
邏輯推理
小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個例子：「有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裡。於是他開始掙扎並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麼？」 一個女生舉手答道，「是不是去取他的存款？」
[注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的「銀行」之外，還有「河岸」的意思。
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了嗎?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent『s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
「I want『yes』or『no，』」thundered counsel．「There is no need for you to argue the point！」
「But there are some questions which cannot be answered by『yes』or『no，』」mildly responded the witness．
「There are not！」 snapped the lawyer．
「Oh，」 said the witness，「answer this then：「Have you ceased beating your wife？」
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向於在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
「我要你回答『是』或者『不是』，」辯護律師怒喝道： 「你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。」
「可是有些問題無法用『是』或者『不是』來回答。」這位證人溫和地回敬他。
「不存在這樣的問題！」律師厲聲打斷他。
「噢，」證人說：「那麼請你回答這個問題：「你停止打你老婆了嗎？」
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
昨天夜裡我爸媽表演「混合雙打」
Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：見過，老師，經常見。就在昨天夜裡我還見過呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.」
尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:「家醜不可外揚。」