七年級英語上冊幽默閱讀材料

A. 初一英語幽默小故事

A
hillbilly
was
visiting
the
big
city
for
the
first
time.
Entering
an
office
building,
he
saw
a
pudgy
older
woman
step
into
a
small
room.
The
doors
closed,
lights
flashed,
and
after
a
while
the
door
slid
open
and
a
beautiful
young
model
stepped
off
the
elevator.
Blinking
in
amazement,
the
hillbilly
drawled,
"I
shouldhave
brought
my
wife!"
新發現
一個鄉下人第一次到大城市遊逛。他走進一座大樓，看見一個歲數很大內的矮胖女容人邁進一個小房間。房間的門隨後關上，有幾個燈在閃亮。一會兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
鄉下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說：「我應該把我的老婆帶來!」

B. 比較簡短的英語幽默小故事，初一的適合參加英語大賽的，最好附上翻譯，謝謝，急用

1. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." A Good Boy
翻譯： 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 「昨天給你的錢干什麼了」 好孩子 「我給了一個可憐的老太婆」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子」媽媽驕傲地說「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢「她是個賣糖果的。」

2. I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

翻譯：伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問「發生了什麼事」 「一個男孩咬了我一口」伊凡說。「再見到他你能認出來嗎」媽媽問。「他走到哪裡我都能認出他」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢 他的耳朵在我衣兜里

望採納

C. 內容是美國式幽默或幽默的英語文章(閱讀理解,短文也可)

http://www.taohai.com/cn/newsdetail.asp?id=2547
這個是老友記的劇本，裡面都是美式幽默。。你可以看看～

或者
TGIF vs SHIT
a man met a blond in the elevator.
he greeted her: "T-G-I-F"
but got the reply: "S-H-I-T"
he was startled, but repeated "T-G-I-F"
again the reply was "S-H-I-T"
he was frustrated and said: "T-G-I-F, I mean Thanks God It's Friday"
the blond looked at him saying: "S-H-I-T, I mean Sorry Honey It's Thursday"

http://www.chinaunix.net/jh/33/545296.html

D. 適合七年級閱讀的幽默英語小故事過去式

有一個年青人來,過年回家吃自團圓飯,因回家的路上有一段墳墓,據說常常有些很詭秘的事情發生，所以母親特別交代要早一點回家。可是在坐公車回家途中,又遇到塞車,於是這個年青人就在車上睡著了,等他醒來時已經午夜十點多了,他看看車上沒有半個人,司機也不在，而車子又緩緩在行進中,還有吵雜聲,他轉頭看到外面就是那一段墳墓,他不禁感到一陣恐懼,不知所措，顫顫兢兢，於是就想探頭出去看個明白,誰知......就見司機說:「還在睡,還不快下來推車!」

E. 速求一篇英語作文，要求七年級水平，三分鍾至五分鍾，並且幽默風趣，

Life Needs Humor
When we are chatting with our friends happily,suddenly if we are talking about the awkward topic,we need to do something to change this situation,what are we gonna do?The answer is using your humor to make things seem easy,and then your friends won』 take your awkward topic seriously.Humor is very important,it can adjust the atmosphere,making things work easily.Life needs humor,without humor,life would be boring.Foreign people like to make friends with humorous people,they can feel relax when they are chatting,while most Chinese people are always taking things too seriously.I like to make friends with humorous guys,they make me feel life is easy,and we should positive about life.

F. 求一篇簡單初一英語幽默小短文，越短越好

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。

三個，選一個！

G. 求初一上學期英語幽默小短文，要兩人對話的那一種！急！！！

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl ring the whole trip.

英語幽默：士兵坐飛機有美女陪伴的高招

由於生意方面的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因為有點緊急，他決定坐飛機。乘機旅行時，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機，他就尋找一個靠窗的座位。他發現只有一個靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個空座位走去。

然而，等到了那兒，他看見座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：「為保持裝載平衡，特預設該位置，謝謝合作。」羅賓遜先生還從來沒有在飛機上見過如此不同尋常的啟事。不過，他想飛機上一定裝了什麼特別重的物品，於是他找了個不靠窗的位置。

又有兩三個乘客試圖坐在那個士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開了。當快滿座時，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進機艙。一直在注意進艙旅客的那個士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

2、1、 I have said it a hundred times, we need team work，always seek the best in others. The purpose of this trip , is to train our team in a real situation and to test our new members . Those deserving special praise are the little leaf and four eyes. Although new to the trade, they try hard, they have not only surpass themselves, but even the old guard here。

「說了多少回了,要團結，眼睛要看這別人的長處。這次出來，一是通過實戰鍛煉隊伍,二是考察新人,在這里我特別要表揚的是小葉和四眼。兩位雖然剛剛入道，做人啊， 不但突破了自己， 也超越了在座的前輩。

2、This century most expensive commodity is talent.

「21世紀什麼最貴？人才！！！

3、An organization without discipline.

「有組織，無紀律。」

4、First my gaze toward the moon, but the moon shines on the ditch.

「我本一心向明月，奈何明月照溝渠」

Who knows me understand my needs, I』m a mystery to he who know me not .

「真是知我者謂我心憂，不知我者謂我何求啊」

5、I can』t stand you armed robber types, no technical skills what so ever.

「我最討厭你們這些劫匪了，一點技術含量都沒有。」

6、I can reliably inform you that, uncle lee is very angry. The consequences will be severe。

「我可以很負責地告訴你，黎叔很生氣，後果很嚴重。。。」

7、I was reckless, I was reckless,never thought that girl would play me。

「大意呀，大意呀，想不到被一丫頭片子玩兒了。」

Father's Things

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.

Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.

One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.

Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too."

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.

"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

父親的東西

湯姆.霍德華十七歲的時候，長得和父親一樣高了，於是當他晚上和朋友一起出去時，就開始借父親的衣服穿。

霍德華先生可不喜歡這樣，當他發現他的兒子穿他的衣服時，總是非常生氣。

一天晚上，湯姆下樓准備出去，父親在門廳里攔住了他。他細細打量著湯姆的穿著。

然後他氣呼呼地說：「湯姆，那不是我的一條領帶嗎？」

湯姆回答說：「是的，父親，是你的領帶。」

「還有那襯衫也是我的。」

「是的，襯衫也是你的。」湯姆回答說。

「還有呢，你連皮帶也用我的。」霍德華先生說。

「是的，父親，」湯姆回答說，「你不願意讓你的褲子掉下來吧？」

回答者： 華山不弱 - 三級 2006-3-11 09:31

http://enghumor.anyp.cn/040227092045218.aspx
有好多您自己選選吧

回答者： 狗狗語絲 - 六級 2006-3-11 10:29

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl ring the whole trip.

英語幽默：士兵坐飛機有美女陪伴的高招

由於生意方面的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因為有點緊急，他決定坐飛機。乘機旅行時，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機，他就尋找一個靠窗的座位。他發現只有一個靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個空座位走去。

然而，等到了那兒，他看見座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：「為保持裝載平衡，特預設該位置，謝謝合作。」羅賓遜先生還從來沒有在飛機上見過如此不同尋常的啟事。不過，他想飛機上一定裝了什麼特別重的物品，於是他找了個不靠窗的位置。

又有兩三個乘客試圖坐在那個士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開了。當快滿座時，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進機艙。一直在注意進艙旅客的那個士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

2、1、 I have said it a hundred times, we need team work，always seek the best in others. The purpose of this trip , is to train our team in a real situation and to test our new members . Those deserving special praise are the little leaf and four eyes. Although new to the trade, they try hard, they have not only surpass themselves, but even the old guard here。

「說了多少回了,要團結，眼睛要看這別人的長處。這次出來，一是通過實戰鍛煉隊伍,二是考察新人,在這里我特別要表揚的是小葉和四眼。兩位雖然剛剛入道，做人啊， 不但突破了自己， 也超越了在座的前輩。

2、This century most expensive commodity is talent.

「21世紀什麼最貴？人才！！！

3、An organization without discipline.

「有組織，無紀律。」

4、First my gaze toward the moon, but the moon shines on the ditch.

「我本一心向明月，奈何明月照溝渠」

Who knows me understand my needs, I』m a mystery to he who know me not .

「真是知我者謂我心憂，不知我者謂我何求啊」

5、I can』t stand you armed robber types, no technical skills what so ever.

「我最討厭你們這些劫匪了，一點技術含量都沒有。」

6、I can reliably inform you that, uncle lee is very angry. The consequences will be severe。

「我可以很負責地告訴你，黎叔很生氣，後果很嚴重。。。」

7、I was reckless, I was reckless,never thought that girl would play me。

「大意呀，大意呀，想不到被一丫頭片子玩兒了。」

Father's Things

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.

Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.

One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.

Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too."

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.

"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

父親的東西

湯姆.霍德華十七歲的時候，長得和父親一樣高了，於是當他晚上和朋友一起出去時，就開始借父親的衣服穿。

霍德華先生可不喜歡這樣，當他發現他的兒子穿他的衣服時，總是非常生氣。

一天晚上，湯姆下樓准備出去，父親在門廳里攔住了他。他細細打量著湯姆的穿著。

然後他氣呼呼地說：「湯姆，那不是我的一條領帶嗎？」

湯姆回答說：「是的，父親，是你的領帶。」

「還有那襯衫也是我的。」

「是的，襯衫也是你的。」湯姆回答說。

「還有呢，你連皮帶也用我的。」霍德華先生說。

「是的，父親，」湯姆回答說，「你不願意讓你的褲子掉下來吧？」

回答者： zhaiminjia - 二級 2006-3-11 15:56回答者： wk159357456 - 一級 2006-3-16 20:37

A Clever Son
My husband who was born in a big city often teased me for being a country girl.
One day he told my son that before marrying him,I lived in a remote countryside and he had to take two hours to ride on a battered bus on a stony road and then walk for an hour along a rugged trail before crossing a one-logged bridge
and a strech of sugar-cane field in order to get
to my home in the backwoods.
At this,my clever son,who always took sides with his poor mother,answered,"And so did Mummy when she wanted to go to your home."

H. 初一英語幽默故事

First Lesson
The son of a businessman had agreed to join the family business, and on his very first day at the factory his father took him on to the roof and said, "Now, my son, I am about to give you your first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof."
"On the edge, Dad?" said the puzzled youth.
"On the very edge."
"Very well, Dad," and the obedient son did as he was told.
"Now, when I say Jump!" said his father, "I want you to jump."
"But it's twenty-foot drop!"
"My boy," said the father, "you want to learn the business, don't you?"
"Yes, Dad."
"And you trust me?"
"Yes, Dad."
"Right, Then do as I say -- Jump!"
And the boy jumped, only to crash painfully to the ground twenty feet below. His father ran down the stairs to where the youth was lying, bruised, battered and winded.
"Now, my son," said the father, "you have just learned your first lesson in business -- NEVER TRUST ANYBODY!"

I. 英語3人搞笑對話短文,帶翻譯,7年級上冊,少一點生單詞。給外教老師聽的

今天是母親節，我早早起床在早上，我媽還在睡覺，我洗臉，刷牙，然後我去回廚房，我想為答我的媽媽煮雞蛋，因為我沒有做到這一點之前，我有點擔心。一個半小時的工作後，我終於煮雞蛋，就在這時，媽媽站了起來，來到廚房裡，我給雞蛋給她，說「母親節快樂，媽媽，吃這個，身體健康。
今天是母親節，我得到了清晨，媽媽睡覺，洗臉，刷牙，和然後去廚房，我的母親炒雞蛋，因為從來沒有但是，我是有點緊張。半小時後，我終於完成了，因為它會發生，那就是媽媽，她來到了廚房，我的雞蛋，她說：「母親節快樂，媽媽，吃雞蛋，我希望你永遠健康。」

J. 初一英語幽默小短文

英語幽源默：second
language
a
mother
mouse
was
out
for
a
stroll
with
her
babies
when
she
spotted
a
cat
crouched
behind
a
bush.
she
watched
the
cat,
and
the
cat
watched
the
mice.
mother
mouse
barked
fiercely,
"woof,
woof,
woof!"
the
cat
was
so
terrified
that
it
ran
for
it's
life.
mother
mouse
turned
to
her
babies
and
said,
"now,
do
you
understand
the
value
of
a
second
language?"
一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」