英語搞笑短文有聲閱讀
⑴ 幽默的英語笑話短文
幽默的英語笑話短文（精選11篇）
在繁忙的學習工作中，適時讀一些幽默笑話，放鬆自己，勞逸結合十分重要。下面是我整理的幽默的英語笑話短文（精選11篇），希望大家喜歡！
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇1
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient,"For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist,or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price."Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied,"No,it』s not better,just unused."
一個外科醫生正要作一個腦移植手術。
「你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。」醫生告訴病人，「一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的.差別，「政治家的大腦好一些嗎?」他問。
醫生說：「不是好一些，只是沒有用過。」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇2
Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
邁克：媽媽，我想看電視。
媽媽：今晚停電了。
邁克：那我們就點著蠟燭看吧。
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇3
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安?" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇4
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了?」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇5
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎?」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼?」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇6
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate,a plump,middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind,lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back.Her momentum carried her close to my shoes.Before I could help her,however,she had scrambled up.Gaining her composure,she winked at me and said,"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎?」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇7
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody.What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇8
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇9
Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：哦，親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇10
—Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.
-- Well,bring me the winner then.
-- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」
幽默的英語笑話短文 篇11
teacher:here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.now who can tell us which is which?
student:i cannot point out but i know the answer.
teacher:please tell us.
student:the swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
;⑵ 英文笑話小短文
笑話是內容豐富並具有出乎意料結尾的幽默口頭 故事 。笑話幾乎涵蓋人們生活的所有領域,其中包括政治笑話、經濟笑話、家庭生活笑話、關於民族性格的笑話等。 下面是我帶來的經典 英語笑話 閱讀，歡迎閱讀!
經典英語笑話閱讀篇一
泡泡溫泉(雙語閱讀)
a:tom,look at your shoes.how dirty they are! you must clear hem.
湯姆，看看你的鞋子，多臟呀，你必須洗一洗了。
b:oh.mother,but i cleaned them only yesterday.
噢，媽媽，可我昨天才洗過的。
a:but they are dirty now.you must clean them again.
可現在它們又臟了，你再洗一次吧。
b:i don't want to clean them today. even if i clean them today,they will be dirty again tomorrow.
我今天不想洗，我即使今天把鞋洗了，明天還會臟的。
a:ok,don't clean them then.
好吧，那就別洗了。
(ln the evening tom came back from school.he was very hungry.
晚上湯姆放學回到家，他非常餓。)
經典英語笑話閱讀篇二
喂養寵物(雙語閱讀)
Birds in their little nests agree.
鳥在巢中不相爭。
A small child was giving a bath to a tiny and dirty kitten in the gar-den. while an ojd lady passing by.
一個小男孩在花園里給一隻身上很臟的小花貓洗澡，正在這時，一個上了年紀的女士從旁邊經過。
A:Sonny.you shouldn't bathe a kitty in cold waLer.He will get sick and die.
小傢伙，你不應該在涼水中給小貓洗澡，他會生病,甚至會死。
(The child go on with his job.barely liatening to her.Two houra Wer,the lacjy was retumiWg when ahe saw the boy sittinS on the ground and cring.with the dead kitten lying beaide him.
可是，小男孩繼續給小貓洗澡，幾乎對那位女士置之不理。兩小時以後，那位女士返回時看見那個小男孩坐在地上哭泣，小貓躺在他的身旁，死了。)
B:Didn't I tell you .sonny.that the kitty would die if you wa.shed him in the cold water?
小傢伙，我不是告訴休了嗎?如果在涼水中給小貓洗澡，他會死的。
A:But Auntie. he didn't die because I waahed him; he died when I was wrinpng him dry.
可是，阿姨，他不是因為我給它洗澡死的，當我把他擰於時，他就死了。
經典英語笑話閱讀篇三
戒除煙癮(雙語閱讀)
Health is not valued till sickness comes.
生病才知健康好。
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一個被告捲入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
如果我輸了這場官司，我就完了。
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
這事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會不會起點作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
哦.不會的!這位法官很固執，非常注意職業道德。這種花招只會讓他對你產生偏見，他甚至會認為你蔑視法庭。事實上，你甚至都不用對他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最後，法官作了一個有利於被告的判決，當被告離開法院時。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
謝謝你關於雪茄的忠告，這很多管用。
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
如果你送了的話，我肯定休會輸掉這場官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的確送了。
B:What? You did?!
什麼?你送了?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
對，這就是我們會贏這場官司的原因。
B:I don't understand
我不明白。
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
這很簡單，我把雪茄送到了{去官那裡，但是附上了原告的一張名片。
⑶ 英語幽默故事小短文
英語幽默故事小短文
英語幽默故事小短旅物文一：
Friend for Dinner "Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
“親愛的，”丈夫對妻子說：“我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。” “什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。” “這些我全都知道。攜前” “那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?” “因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。”
英語幽默故事小短文二：
An Advertisement for Modern Bicycle Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost £50, so he went to the shop to have a look. After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement." "Yes, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It's an extra." "Not included in the price of bicycle?" Tom said angrily, "But that's not honest. If the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there." "Well, sir," answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?"
湯姆在報紙上看到一輛很漂亮的摩登自行車的廣告，標價50英鎊，於是他到商店去看一看。 湯姆很仔細地看完那輛自行車後，轉過身對店主說：“這輛自行車少了一盞燈，但在廣告上的.自行車是有的。”“是的，先生，”店主回答說，“但那盞燈不包括在自行車的價格里辯鎮清面，是另外收費的。” “不包括在自行車價格裡面?”湯姆很生氣，“但這是不誠實的。如果燈在廣告上，它就應該包括在你所標出的價格之內。” “嗯，先生，”店主冷靜地回答：“在我們的自行車廣告上還有一個女孩，難道我們也要為您提供一個嗎?”
英語幽默故事小短文三：
Ashamed Soldier Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, "You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!" Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot. "Heavens!" the officer said. "Has that silly man really shot himself?" He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. "I'm sorry, sir," he said, "but I missed again."
彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。一天他和夥伴們練習射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標。這時，教新兵射擊的教官說：“彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最後一發子彈都浪費掉!去那堵牆後面用它向自己打一槍吧。” 彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵牆後面。幾分鍾後，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。 “上帝!”教官叫起來，“難道那個笨蛋真的朝自己開槍了?” 他急忙跑到那堵牆後面，發現彼得安然無恙。“對不起，長官，”他說，“我還是沒有命中。”
;⑷ 好笑的英語笑話小短文
民間笑話的根本功能在於引人發笑,在這個使人緊張而倍感壓抑的商品經濟時代,笑話成了撫慰人焦灼靈魂的一劑良葯。下面是我帶來的好笑的 英語笑話 小短文，歡迎閱讀!
好笑的英語笑話小短文篇一
Fame and hardwork
名聲與艱苦勞動
During the Gulf War，my sister，Jane，bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet，to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him,he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.
海灣戰爭期間，我妹妹珍妮買了一面美國國旗，她請房子的維修工—一位老兵給她豎一根旗桿。當我妹妹為此什給他錢時，他說，他幫助掛美國國旗，無論如何都不該收錢。
Jane contacted her local newspaper，and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity.Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.
珍妮來到當地報杜，就此事在報上發表了一篇 文章 。當珍妮第二次碰到那位維修工時，他對珍妮說他所認識的人都看了她寫的報章，是她使他成為了名人。珍妮開玩笑地說讓他給簽個名。
"I don't have time,"the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.」
他回答說:「那我可沒時間，掛美國國旗的事忙得我不可開交。」
好笑的英語笑話小短文篇二
Home alone
獨自在家
My wife will go to any extreme to keep people from, knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late，my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignosed it,but the knocing continued. Frantic，sloe began to bark,softly at first，then louder and louder. Much to her relief,the knocking soon stopped.
我妻子獨自在家時，總是不想讓別人知道家裡沒有其他的人。一天晚上，我工作到很晚。我妻子聽到有人敲門，她就沒理，但敲門的聲音總是不停，慌亂之中，她開始學狗叫。一開始她低聲地叫，隨後她的叫聲越來越大。敲門聲很快地停了，她這才鬆了口氣。
The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect."I came by last night,"he told me,"but I left when your wife barked at me!"
第二天，送報的小孩來我家收錢，那小孩告訴我:「我昨晚上就來了，你老婆老沖我學狗叫，我就走了。」
好笑的英語笑話小短文篇三
Peter decides the grade
彼得的長相決定了分數
One semester when my brother, Peter，attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis，an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portait for a class.assignment. Peter agreed，and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
我兄弟彼得在明尼阿波利斯的明尼索達大學上學時，有一個學期，他的一位學藝術的朋友問他是否可以用他做 素描 的模特作為課堂作業。彼得同意了。那位藝術生畫完了，就把肖像交給了老師。他只得了一個C-.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.」The head is too big，」the professor explained.」The shoulders are too wide， and the feet are enormous."
那位藝術生找到教授問為什麼他的分數這么低。教授告訴他肖像中的比例失調，教授說:「腦袋太大，肩太寬，腳也過於大了。」
The next day,the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one Look at my brother."Okay, A minus. "he said.
第二天，那位藝術生帶彼得見教授，教授看了我兄弟一眼，並說:「好，可以得A-。」
好笑的英語笑話小短文篇四
Being considerate
善解人意
I had iust learned to drive and, like most teen-agers，begged at every opportunity to take over the wheel. During a family vacation my father finally allowed me drive on a long，straight stretch on highway.I was in my glory until there was a sudden turn in the road.Caught unaware, I swung too wide and ran into a service station's advertising sign. I stopped the cat and waited for a lecture.
像大多數的青少年一樣，我剛學會開車時，總想利用一切開車的機會。有一次家庭外出度假時，我經過請求，爸爸終於允許我在筆直的高速公路止駕駛。我感到十分榮幸，直到開到了一個急轉彎，由於轉盤轉動得太大，車直奔著加油站的 廣告 牌沖去。我停下了車，等著挨訓。
My father，always considerate of his children's feelings，turned back to the rest of family and said. "As long as we're here,does anyone need to use the rest room?"
我的父親總是考慮到孩子喲情緒，轉過身對家裡的其他人說:「既然我們已經把車開到了這兒，有人想上廁所嗎?」
看了「好笑的英語笑話小短文」的人還看了：
1. 英語爆笑短文
2. 超級搞笑英語笑話小短文
3. 經典英語笑話小短文精選
4. 英語版笑話
5. 經典爆笑英文小笑話閱讀
⑸ 英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯
笑話是民族文化及社會生活中不可缺少的一環,從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛。我整理了英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯，歡迎閱讀!
英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯篇一
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening.
有兩名社會工作者在晚上的時候走過市區的簡陋地方。
They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane.Upon investigation,
他們聽到從後巷傳來的求救呻吟聲和很小的哭喊聲。經調查，
they found a semiconscious man in a pool of blood.
他們發現有一個意識不清的人躺在血泊之中。
"Help me,I've been mugged and viciously beaten ." he pleaded.
他在懇求說：“救救我吧，我被人行凶搶劫，還遭到惡意痛打一頓。”
The two social workers turned and walked away .
這兩名社會工作者轉身離去。
One remarked to her colleague: " You know the person that did this really needs help."
其中一位向她的同事說：“你知道吧，做這件事的人才是真正需要協助呀。”
英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯篇二
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER.
有一名男子患有心臟病，被送往醫院急診室。
The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away.
醫生告訴他，除非他立刻接受心臟移植，否則他就活不成。
Another doctor runs into the room and says,
另外一名，醫生跑進急診室說：
"you are in luck,two hearts just became avaible ,so you will get to choose which one you want.One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."
“你真幸運，剛好有兩個心臟可移植，所以你要選擇你要哪一個心臟。一個是屬於律師，另一個是屬於社會工作者。”
The man quickly responds,"the attorney's ."
這名男子很快響應說：“律師的。”
The doctor says,"Wait!Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
醫生說：“等等!你不想在你做決定之前了解一下他們嗎?”
The man says,"I already know enough.We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his .So I will take attorney's!"
這名男子說：“我已經知道夠了。大家都知道社會工作者都是流血的(有同情心的)心臟，而律師的心臟可能從來都不曾用過他的。所以我選擇律師的心臟。"
英語搞笑小短文帶翻譯篇三
Helen was on her deathbed ,
海倫躺在她臨終的病床上奄奄一息。
with her husband Jack at her side.
她的丈夫陪在她的身旁。
He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
他握著她冰冷的手，淚水靜靜地從他的臉上流下來。
Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"
她蒼白的嘴唇顫動著。她說：“傑克，”
Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Don't talk."
他很快就打斷說：“噓，不要說話。”
But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.
但是她堅持要說，她以疲憊的聲音說：
"I have to talk.I must confess.”
“傑克，我一定要說。我必須向你坦白。”
"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.
滿臉淚水的傑克說：“沒什麼好坦白的。
"It's all right.Everything's all right."
沒關系。一切都沒事。”
"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."
“不，不，我必須死得安心。我一定要坦白我對你不忠;紅杏出牆。”
Jack stroked her hand .
傑克撫摸著她的手。
"Now ,Helen,don't be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.
他啜泣著說：“海倫 ，現在你不要擔心了。我全部都知道了。
"Why else would I poison you ?"
不然我為什麼要毒死你呀?"
⑹ 少於50字的搞笑英語小短文「帶翻譯」
1、Text(正文):The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but hisgrandma doted on him. He hardly left her side.
And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。
約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：「學校怎麼樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？」
「哭？」約翰問，「不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。」
2、Text(正文):The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
3、Text(正文):One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.
When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？
4、Text(正文):"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds.
Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。
「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」
5、Text(正文):A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時。」
過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」
(6)英語搞笑短文有聲閱讀擴展閱讀：
第一個笑話中spoil造句示例如下：
1、Others say they do not want to spoil their children by leaving them too much.
還有人表示，他們不想給子女留下太多錢，以免寵壞他們。
2、Once you pop open the cork, wines can spoil in a matter of hours.
一旦你打開軟木塞，葡萄酒就會在數小時內變質。
3、They say it only takes a few bad apples to spoil the bunch.
他們說這只需要少數的害群之馬便可毀了一堆。
4、A fond mother may spoil her child.溺愛的母親可能會寵壞她的孩子。
5、The child was spoilt by his grandfather.這個孩子被他的爺爺給慣壞了。
⑺ 英語幽默搞笑短文
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
第一次坐飛機
約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機，他讀過許多關於飛行事故的報道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請他乘自己的小飛機飛行時，約翰遜先生非常擔心，不敢接受。不過，由於朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終於被說服了，登上了飛機。
他的朋友啟動引擎開始在機場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。
過了一兩分鍾，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對朋友說道：「看下面那些人，他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣小，是不是？」
「那些就是螞蟻，」他的朋友答道，「我們還在地面上。」
A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅？
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
熱與冷
蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。「這太可惡了，」他抱怨道，「標著C的龍頭流出的是開水。」
「可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法語里代表『熱』。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點。」
「等等，」那位顧客咆哮一聲，「另外一個龍頭同樣標的是C。」
「當然，」經理說道：「它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。」
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the procer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the procer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
模仿鳥兒
一個人想在一個舞台劇中找份工作。「你能幹什麼呢？」負責人問。
「模仿鳥兒，」那人說。
「你在開玩笑吧？」負責人答道，「那樣的人一毛錢可以找一打。」
「噢，那就算了。」那名演員說著，展開翅膀，飛出了窗口。
How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
你是怎樣來的？
一個冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什麼遲到了四十五分鍾才起來上班。「外面太滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向後退兩步。」
老闆狐疑地看著他。「噢，是嗎？那你是怎樣到這里來的？」
「後來我決定放棄，」他說，「然後我就往家裡走。」
Keep the Change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.
零錢不用找了
在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時，我與一名准備買東西的顧客發生了一場爭論。他對購買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。
我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個有趣的詩人，這個要價是合理的。他說這是個原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。「零錢不用找了。」他說。
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條林蔭道上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」
中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的獎賞
一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何都能酬謝他。
「最好的辦法，長官，」這名水手說，「是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。」
A Mistake
An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯了
一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元，」他說，「我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」
「成交!」美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。
「其他人在哪兒？」一名醫生問道。
「我離開之前，」那名美國人說，「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
Imitation
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
模 仿
一個男孩放學回家時，覺得肚子痛。「來，坐下，吃點點心，」媽媽說，「你肚子痛是因為肚子是空的。吃點東西就會好的。」
一會兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說是頭痛。
「你頭痛是因為你的腦袋是空的，」他那聰明的兒子說，「裡面裝點東西，就會好的。」
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前禱告詞
朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。「上帝，求求你，」她說，「讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都吧。」
媽媽打斷她的話說：「朱莉葉，為什麼求上帝讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都呢？」
朱莉葉回答道：「因為我在地理考卷上是這樣寫的。」
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
勢均力敵
有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：「放點乳酪在裡面，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。」
這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家裡，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到乳酪。她不想再回到商店裡去，因為已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅乳酪的圖片放進了夾子。
令人稱奇的是，這畫有乳酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾里乳酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!
Class and Ass
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".
班和笨驢
格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門上貼了這樣一個通知：「勞里教授今天不見他的班級。」
一個學生讀了通知後，擦掉了字母「c」(lass：姑娘)。
後來勞里教授來了，也想開開玩笑，他擦掉了字母「l」(ass：笨驢)。
⑻ 帶翻譯的英語幽默小短文4篇
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後