初中英語笑話閱讀理解
初中英語閱讀理解與完形填空:九年級
九年級的英語閱讀理解和完形填空對於考生來說有一定的難度，下面是我整理的關於初中九年級英語的閱讀理解與完形填空的練習，大家一起來看一下吧!
第一篇：
Mr. Lee was in bed and was trying to go to sleep when he heard the bell ring. He turned on the light and looked at his clock. It was twelve o'clock. "Who can it be at this time of night?" He thought. He decided to go and find out. So he got of bed, put on his dressing gown (浴袍) and went to the door. When he opened the door, there was nobody there. "That is very strange." Then he went back to his bedroom, took off his dressing gown, got back into bed ,turned off the light and tried to go to sleep.
A few minutes later he heard the bell again. Mr. Lee jumped out of bed very quickly and rushed to the door. He opened it, but again he found no one there. He closed the door and tried not to feel angry. Then he saw a piece of paper on the floor. He picked it up. There were some words on it : "It is now after midnight(午夜), so it is April Fool's Day (禺人節) . April fool to you!"
"Oh , it was the English boy next door!" Mr. Lee exclaimed (驚叫) and almost smiled. He went back to bed and feel asleep at once. The bell did not ring again.
1. When did Mr. Lee go to bed?
He went to bed _______.
A. before twelve o'clock B. after twelve o'clock
C. when the bell rang D. when he saw the boy
2. Why did he rush to the door when he heard the bell ring the second time?
A. He wanted to open the door for the visitor
B. He wanted to find out who the visitor was.
C. He was afraid of the ring
D. He was waiting for someone.
3. From this passage, we learn that we can _______ on April Fool's Day.
A. say "Hello" to each other B. dance and sing at night
C. play jokes on each other D. send pressents to children
4. What did Mr. Lee think about the English boy?
He thought he _________.
A. was a good boy B. was friendly with him
C. shouldn't ring the bell at midnight D. did a dangerous thing just now
第二篇：
Babies love chocolate and sometimes they also eat the paper around it. My cat enjoys a meal of good, thick paper, old letters, for example. She does not like newspapers very much
Of course, the best paper comes from wood. Wood comes from trees, and trees are plants. Vegetables and fruit are plants, too, and we eat a lot of them. So can we also eat wood and paper?
Scientists say, "All food comes in some way from plants." Well, is that true? Animals eat grass and grow fat. Then we eat their meat. Little fish eat little sea-plants, then bigger fish swim along and eat the ……Chickens eat bits of grass and give us…… Think for a minute. What food does not come from plants in some way?
Scientists can do wonderful things with plants. They can make food just like meat and cheese. And they can make it without the help of animals. It is very good food, too. Now they have begun to say, "We make our paper from wood. We can also make food from wood. The next thing is not very difficult." What is the next thing? Perhaps it is-food from paper. Scientists say, "We can turn paper into food. It will be good, cheap food, too, cheaper than meat or fish or eggs."
So please keep your old books and letters. (Don't feed [喂] your cat.) One day, they will be on your plate, if what scientists say may come true.
1. The writer asks us to keep our old books and letters because _______.
A. they are useful for reading
B. They may be used to feed cats
C. We can make food from them soon
D. we can read them at breakfast
2. From the passage (段落)， we can infer(推斷) that _______ do not come from plants in some way.
A. few kinds of food B. meat and fish
C. cheese and chicken D. wood and paper
第三篇：
Mr. Green was ill and went to the hospital. A doctor __1__ and said，“Well，Mr. Green，you are going to __2__ some injections，and you'll feel much better. A nurse will come __3__ give you the first one this evening，and then you’ll __4__ get another one tomorrow evening.” __5__ a young nurse came to Mr. Green's bed and said to him，“I am going to give you your __6__ injection now，Mr. Green. Where do you want it?”
The old man was __7__. He looked at the nurse for a __8__，then he said，“__9__ has ever let me choose that before. Are you really going to let me choose now?”
“Yes，Mr. Green，”the nurse answered. She was in a hurry. “Where do you want it?”
“Well，then，”the old man answered __10__ “I want it in your left arm，please.”
1. A. looked for him B. looked him over C. looked after him D. looked him up
2. A. get B. give C. make D. hold
3. A. so B. but C. or D. and
4. A. must B. can C. had better D. have to
5. A. In the morning B. In the afternoon C. In the end D. In the evening
6. A. first B. one C. two D. second
7. A. confident B. surprised C. full D. hungry
8. A. hour B. minutes C. year D. moment
9. A. Somebody B. Anybody C. Nobody D. people
10. A. with a smile B. in time C. in surprise D. with tears in his eyes
第四篇：
Do you know how to study __1__ and make your study more effective(有效的)?We all know that Chinese students usually study very hard for long__2__，This is very good ，but it doesn't__3__a lot ，for an effective student must have enough sleep，enough food and enough rest and __4__. Every day you need to go out for a walk or visit some friends or some nice places. It’s good for your__5__.
When you return __6__your studies，your mind will be refreshed(清醒)and you'll learn more__7__study better. Psychologists(心理學家)__8__ that learning takes place this way. Here take English learning __9__ an example. First you make a lot of progress and you feel happy. Then your language study seems __10__ the same. So you will think you’re learning __11_ and you may give up. This can last for days or even weeks， yet you __12__ give up， and at some point your language study will again take another big __13__. You'll see that you really have been learning all along. If you get enough sleep，food，rest and exercise，studying，English can be very effective and __14_ . Don’t give up along the way. Learn __15__ you are sure to get a good result(結果)。
1. A. well B. good C. better D. best
2. A. days B. time C. hours D. weeks
3. A. help B. give C. make D. take
4. A. exercise B. homework C. running D. clothes
5. A. health B. body C. study D. life
6. A. after B. for C. at D. to
7. A. yet B. and C. or D. but
8. A. have found B. have taught C. told D. said
9. A. with B. for C. as D. to
10. A. to have B. to make C. to take D. to stay
11. A. something B. anything C. nothing D. everything
12. A. mustn't B. couldn’t C. needn't D. may not
13. A. work B. jump C. walk D. result
14. A. hard B. common C. possible D. interesting
15. A. slowly B. fast C. quickly D. happily
>>>>>>參考答案與解析<<<<<<
第一篇：答案及解析
1.A.此題是一道細節題，文章第一自然段的前三個句子就告訴了此題的答案。
2.B.文中有這樣的句子"Who can it be at this time of night?"，此句說明Mr. Lee 很想知道是誰在午夜時來敲門。
3.C.此題是一道常識題，因為大家都知道在愚人節這天，人們可相互開玩笑。
4.B.英國男孩和Mr. Lee開玩笑，說明他把Mr. Lee看成朋友，所以答案是B。
第二篇：答案及解析
1.C.本題是細節題，答案可在倒數第一自然段找到。
2.A.文中有這樣的`句子"What food does not come from plants in some way?"。說明作者認為，不管是什麼樣的食物，幾乎都來自"plants"，所以答案是A。
第三篇：答案及解析
這是一篇笑話，格林先生在醫院看病時需要打點滴，當護士讓他選擇身體的一個部位時，他卻借題發揮，選了護士的左臂。
1. B.look for sb/sth 意為“尋找……”;look after sb 意為“照料……”;look up sb意為“看望……”;而look over sb意為“檢查某人”，最貼近文意，為正確選項。
2. A.醫生要對格林先生進行注射，格林先生是動作的接受者，故應選get.
3. D.空白部分前面I come 和後面的give形成承接關系，所以應用 and連接。
4. D.must 不可以用於將來時，根據文章意思，應選have to.
5. D.與上文this evening相對應，In the evening應為正確選項。
6. A.one 填入空白部分顯得畫蛇添足，根據上下文這是第一次注射，應用first.
7. B.老人對護士的提問應感到surprised， 因為下文提到從來沒人問過他這樣的問題。
8. D.對護士的提問， 老人思考了一會兒， 故應選moment.
9. C.老人感到奇怪， 是因為沒有人問過這樣的問題， 故應選nobody.
10. A.老人想捉弄一下這個小護士。按常理， 應是帶著微笑取笑她， 故應選with a smile.
第四篇：答案及解析
本文以學語言為例告訴我們學習應當勞逸結合，循序漸進。而不應該急於求成，半途而廢。
1. C.這是總領本文的一句話，就是如何能夠學的更好。另外根據and後面的more effective可知這里應選與之並列的比較級better，而不是原級well.
2. C.for a long time 表示很長一段時間，a不能省略。故只能選for long hours.
3. A.help a lot 這里指學習時間長並不會對學習結果有很大的幫助，也就是並不起決定作用。
4. A.對於一個學生來講，不僅需要足夠的睡眠、食物、休息， 還需要足夠的身體鍛煉。故選exercise.文章的倒數第二句有提示。
5. C.上面兩句話都是對學習有益的一些事情。
6. D.“return to” 這里指返回到……， 也就是從上述的活動中返回到學習中。
7. B.表示並列。
8. A.首先根據從句是一般現在時可排除C、D兩個選項，再根據文意，心理學家發現，可知選A.
9. C.“take sth as an example” 為固定片語，意為“以……為例”。
10. D.stay the same 表示“維持原樣”， 也就是沒有任何進步了。
11. C.根據第10題， 因為學習停滯不前，所以你就會覺得沒學到什麼東西。故選nothing.
12. C.mustn't表示禁止，語氣最為強烈。needn’t表示沒必要。couldn't和may not均表示猜測。
13. B.take another big jump 表示有大的飛躍或進展。
14. D.表示學習也會變得生動有趣。
15. A.learn slowly意為“慢慢學”，也就是說不要急於求成，應循序漸進。
;㈡ [初中生的英語小笑話短文]英語小短文
笑話是我們工作學習之餘緩解壓力、舒緩情緒的重要渠道。所以，在生活中我們多講笑話喲!我整理了初中生的英語小笑話短文，歡迎閱讀!
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇一
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live inthe United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he askedvarious members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The classwent very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that theywere engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me thekeys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought thatthe student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shruggedhis shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher'嫌衡殲s neck and kissed him on bothcheeks.
我的一位朋友在給一個成人學生班級上英語課。他們都是新近來美國攔孝生活的。在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之後，他請全班同學給他挑出尺子、書本、鋼筆等。課進行得井然有序，學生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認真。後來輪到一名來自義大利的學生，我的朋友說：“給我鑰匙。”那人看起來非常吃驚，也有點手足無措。看到這種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，於是又重復了一遍：“給我鑰匙。”那位義大利學生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇二
When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I requiredmy students to attend the university theater's current proction and write a critique. Afterviewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought Iwas actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.
我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當芹沖時的演出，並寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出後，一名學生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致於我認為我自己是坐在家裡的沙發上，從電視上看到的。”
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇三
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison.
一個老人獨居在北愛爾蘭，他的獨生子正在坐牢。
The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone whowould help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, ForHEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!
老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰可以幫忙把泥土翻鬆。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬不要翻鬆花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and g up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened andasking him what to do next.His son's reply was: Just plant your potatoes.
第二天凌晨4點，一隊英國士兵出現在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但並沒有找到任何槍支。”老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問到底發生了什麼事情，下一步應該怎麼做。兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇四
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoedown-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knowswhat's happening."Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door,his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
半夜兩點，科爾肯太太確信聽到客廳有賊，便對丈夫說：“別開燈，躡手躡腳下樓，別讓賊發覺，悄悄靠近他。” 科爾肯先生披上外套，責無旁貸地去捉賊。剛走到卧室門口，他妻子又補充說：“回來時給我捎杯牛奶。”
㈢ 找英語笑話...稍微長一點的,帶翻譯的...
Tom』s Birthday
It was Tom』s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
「Who gave him thay thing?」answered Tom』s mother.
「Oh,」said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working ring the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom』s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,」Hello,Tom,do you know,there』s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let』s find it.」
那天是湯姆五歲的生日，他從家衫飢人那裡得到了很多不錯的禮物，其中有一件禮物是一隻漂亮的大鼓。
「這是誰給他的呢？」湯姆媽媽問道。
「哦。」爸爸說。
當然，湯姆非常喜歡這個大鼓。雖然他敲鼓的聲音很難聽，但媽媽卻從不在意。湯姆爸爸因為白天工作，而且當爸爸回家時湯姆已經睡覺了，所以爸爸並沒有聽見過這些噪音。
但是，他們的一位鄰居非常不高興。幾嫌塌喚天後的一個早上，當她又一次聽到湯姆的噪音時，她帶著鋒利的小刀來到湯姆家：」嘿，湯姆，你知道嗎你的鼓裡有好東西，打開它，我們一起找找那好東西吧
如果我沒有猜錯的，這應該是初中生的閱讀理解。孩子，翻譯是幫你做了，你的題目也應該可以回答了芹凱。可是，知識總是自己擁有比較好。好好學習，天天向上吧。你會成功的。
㈣ 初中英語笑話短文大全
在人們的日常生活型消輪及交往當中，笑話無處不在。笑話是人類特有的能力和交際工具。我整理了初中英語笑話短文，歡迎閱讀!
初中英語笑話短文：Marriage
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her hu *** and』s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they』re just lying there, the phone rings. Since it』s the woman』s house, she picks up the receiver.
Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation. 「Hello? Oh, hi. I』m so glad that you called. Really? That』s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That soundsterrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye.」 She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, 「Who was that?」 「Oh」 she replies, 「That was my hu *** and telling me all about the wonderful time he』卜信s having on his fishing trip with YOU!」
初中英語笑橋凱話短文：Playing Octopus
This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him."
Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments.
The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.
The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.
The bartender then walks into the back room and es back five minutes later with a set ofbagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.
After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "e on now! Play it!"
The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaidpajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"
初中英語笑話短文：Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him.
He is listening though."Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
初中英語笑話短文：Skunk
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
臭 鼬
「我們的地下室里有一隻臭鼬，」打電話的人對警察排程員尖叫道。「我們怎樣才能把它弄出來?」
「弄一些麵包屑，」排程員說，「從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到後院。然後將地下室的門開啟。」
一段時間後，那位居民又將電話打了回來。「你們將它弄出來了嗎?」排程員問。
「沒有，」打電話的人答道，「現在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。」
㈤ 初中英語長笑話帶翻譯
初中英語長笑話帶翻譯
笑話是幽默的一種表現形式,通過闡述語用因素對英語笑話言語的作用機制,可以探索英語幽默話語的語用特徵和動態運行模式,幫助人們從認知角度和心理推理機制上更好地了解笑話幽默的產生方式。我精心收集了初中英語小笑話帶翻譯，供大家欣賞學習!
初中英語小笑話帶翻譯篇1
The Los Angeles Police Department,the FBI,and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are thebest at apprehending criminals.
洛杉磯警察局、聯邦調查局和中央情報局，都想要證明他們最會逮捕罪犯。
The President decides to give them a test.
於是總統決定要考考他們。
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
他把一隻兔子放進森林，而他們每一個人都必須去抓它。
The CIA goes in.
中央情報局的人進去了。
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
他們在整個森林裡放置了動物通報器。
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
他們質問所有的 植物和礦物證人。
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
就在三個月的密集調查之後，他們得到的結論就是兔子不存在。
The FBI goes in.After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest ,
聯邦調查局韻人進去了。就在兩個星期都沒有線索之後，
killing everything in it,including the rabbit,and they make no apologies.
他們放火把森林燒了，殺光了裡面的一切，包括這只，兔子在內 ，而且他們並沒有表現出歉意。
The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a baddly beaten bear.
洛杉礬警察局的人進去了。兩個小時之後，他們帶著一隻慘遭嚴重毆打的'熊出來。
The bear is yelling;"Ok!I am a rabbit!I'm a rabbit!"
這只熊大聲地喊著說：「好啦!好啦!我是兔子啦!我是兔子啦!」
初中英語小笑話帶翻譯篇2
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter.
有一名男子走近一家熟食店，在吃午餐的櫃台旁選了一個位置。
"Give me corned beef sandwich,"he ordered.
他點餐時說：「給我來個腌牛肉三明治。」
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu,but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it,like our midnight Special."
"菜單上沒有腌牛肉三 明治，但是我可以給你一個裡面有腌牛肉的三明治，像是我們的午夜特餐。」
"What's a Midnight Special?"
「午夜特餐是什麼?」
"A triple decker with corned beef,tongue,bologna,tomato,lettuce,onion,pockle andmayonnaise,on toasted raisin bread."
「有三層，裡面是腌牛肉、牛舌、熏香腸、蕃茄、萵苣、 洋蔥、腌泡菜，還有美乃滋的三層烤葡萄乾麵包。…
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it tome on a plate?"
"你可不可以在兩片白麵包中間只放一片腌牛肉，裝在一個盤子上端給我吃?」
"Why,sure!"Then,turning to the sandwich man ,
「哦，當然可以。啦!」接著他就轉向製作三明治的人，
he sang out:"One Midnighet Special.Make it one deck,hold thetongue,bolgna,tomato,lettuce,onion,pickle and mayonnaise,and make the raisin breadwhite,untoasted!"
大聲喊出：「一個午夜特餐。把它做一層就好，裡面不要加牛著、熏香腸、蕃茄、萵苣、洋蔥、腌泡菜和美乃滋，把葡萄乾麵包做成白麵包，不要烤!」
;㈥ 初中英語笑話故事
初中英語笑話故事大全
笑一笑，十年少，我為大家整理了初中英語笑話故事大全,希望大家能展顏一笑,記得每天都要開心飢橘一刻哦!嘻嘻!
初中英語笑話故事篇一：
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’爛擾團s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人還有布希總統走在大街上看到一盞金色的燈.他們擦了擦燈出現了一個精靈.精靈說:"我要滿足你們每人一個願望總共三個."加拿大人說:"我是個父親我兒子將成為農夫,因此我想讓加拿大的土地永遠肥沃."精靈說了咒語願望實現了.拉登看了很驚奇,他希望有座城牆圍繞阿富汗.精靈又說了咒語願望又實現了.布希總統問:"精靈請告訴我關於這座牆的李叢事情."精靈回答:"牆厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而裡面的任何東西出不來外面的任何東西進不去."布希總統說:"哇!那是座大橋耶...注滿水!!!"
初中英語笑話故事篇二：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?
Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.
She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”
But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”
Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，
then green again，but her car did not start.
“What am I going to do now?” She said.
But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”
格林太太八十歲了。她有一輛小型轎車，每逢星期六她總是開著這輛車去購買食品。
因為年紀大了，格林太太車子開得不快，不過她開車技術很高，從來沒有出過事。有時她的孫子孫女們對她說：“奶奶，您別開車了，我們可以送您去商店。”
但她總是說：“不，我喜歡開車。我已經開了五十年了，現在還不想撒手。”
上星期六，她看見交通燈是紅色就剎住了車。後來車子熄火了。交通燈由綠色轉為黃色，然後轉為紅色，又轉變為綠色，可她的車子還是發動不起來。
“現在我該怎麼辦呢?”她說。
這時一位警察走過來，和氣地對她說：“早上好，今天交通燈的顏色沒有一樣您喜歡嗎?”
初中英語笑話故事篇三：
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, e to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
一個男人在熱氣球上，發現自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一個婦女。他又下降了一點，大聲呼喊,"打擾下，你能幫個忙嗎，一個小時以前我答應了一個朋友要和他見面，但現在我不知道我身處何地。”
婦女在下面回答，“你在一個熱氣球里，大約離地面三十英尺。你在北緯40-41度之間，西經59-60度之間。”
“你必定是個工程設計師，”氣球上的男人說。
“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎麼知道的?”
“是這樣，”氣球上的男人說“你告訴我的事在技術上都是正確的，但是我無法理解你的看法，事實是我依舊迷失。坦白說，到目前為止你沒幫上我多少。”
下面的婦女回應道，“你一定是在管理部門工作。”
“我是，”氣球上的`男人回答，“這你是怎麼知道的?”
“是啊，”婦女說，“你總是不知道你在哪裡，也不知道你要去哪裡。你的上升，是由於大量的熱氣。你對別人許下的承諾，你不知道如何履行，而且你還期望在你下面的人會解決你的問題。事實就是在我們見面之前，我們都在完全相同的立場上，可現在，不知怎麼地，卻成了我的錯了。”
初中英語笑話故事篇四：Meet My Mistress
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
;㈦ 初中英語幽默小故事笑話
初中英語幽默小故事笑話
從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的「調劑品」。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面我為大家帶來初中英語幽默小故事精選，歡迎大家閱讀!
初中英語幽默小故事精選1：一個更好的郵遞員
I worked as a mailman for a short time. However, I am afraid of dogs and I had a lot of trouble.
One day I tried to deliver some letters to a big house. I started to open the gate and all of a sudden a huge dog ran towards me.It growled and barked at me, I threw the letters over the fence. The dog picked them up and carried them into the house. The dog was a better mailman than I was!
我當過很短時間的郵遞員。然而，我害怕狗，而且也有過不少麻煩。
有一天，我設法到一座大房子去遞送幾封信。我開始打開門，這時，突然一隻很大的狗朝我跑來。它朝我嚎叫、咆哮著，因此我把信件扔在了柵欄上。那隻狗拾起那些信件，把信件帶進了大房子。比起我來講，那隻狗是個更好的郵遞員。
初中英語幽默小故事 精選 2：廣告的威力
Some businessmen were talking about advertising on tv excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view。
At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement。
"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked。
"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked。
"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."
"Did you get the dog back?"
"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."
一群商人正熱烈地討論在電視上做廣告。他們中沒有人做過，所以每個人都有自己的想法。
此時，格雷先生進來了。格雷是一個汽車經銷商，他曾經做過一次廣告。
「你們在討論什麼?」格雷先生問。
「廣告有用不?」其中一位商人問。
「噢，有用，而且見效非常快。」格雷先生說，「我曾經發布了一條廣告，要花100美金尋找一條丟失的看門狗。」
「你的狗找到了嗎?」
「沒，但是那個晚上我的三輛車被偷走了。」
初中英語幽默小故事 精選 3：做自己不喜歡的'事情
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry,honked his horn.
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, "I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by.
"What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
一位農民和他的兒子坐著馬車來到一條狹窄的小巷， 他們看到一個司機正往他們這個方向開來。兩個方向2英里以內已經沒有空間讓他們擦身而過了。司機焦急地按著喇叭。
「假如你不往後退，」農民擼著袖子說，「我並不喜歡我將要必須去做的事。」司機甚是驚訝，掛了倒擋，退後了2英里，讓馬車先過去了。
「剛才你說你並不喜歡做的事是什麼啊?」農民的兒子問。
「退後2英里。」農民回答。
;㈧ 初中英語短文演講帶翻譯笑話_英語美文欣賞
笑話是民族文化不可或余野缺的一部分。下面是我帶來的初中英語衡塌短文演講帶翻譯笑話，歡迎閱讀!
初中英語短文演講帶翻譯笑話精選
he Mistaken Father
The morning following the birth of our first child, my hu *** and was mistakenly directed to the room of another new mother on the maternity floor. As he walked into the room, he bent over the nap- ping mother, whose back was turned to him, and gave her a big kiss. The woman was startled to see a stranger. But before she could say anything, my hu *** and *** iled and said, "I didn't know having a baby would change you this much!"
Notes:
1 mistaken adj.弄錯了的 4 nap v.小睡;打盹
2 direct v.批示方向;指點 5 startle v.使驚奇
3 maternity n.醫院產科病房
Exercises:
根據短文選擇正確答案：
① When did the hu *** and go to see his wife?
A. in the morning
B. at noon
C. in the afternoon
D. at night
② Why did the hu *** and enter the room of another new mother ?
A. Because he had a bad memory.
B. Because he was misguided by the nurse.
C. Because he was mistakenly directed.
D. The new other needed help.
③ What was the other new mother doing?
A. She was crying out for help.
B. She was lying in bed, awake.
C. She was having asleep.
D. She was chatting with the man's wife.
④ What did the hu *** and do to the other new mother?
A. He *** iled at her and then went out.
B. He bent over and kissed her.
C. He helped the woman to get up.
D. He sent her a bunch of flower.
⑤ How did the hu *** and handle the incident?
A. He ran out quickly.
B. He felt ashamed.
C. He was very angry with the woman.
D. He left the mistake uncorrected and made the best of it.
55.糊塗父親
我們孩子出世的那天早晨，我丈夫由於受誤導跑到了產科病區的另一位產婦那裡。他彎下腰，給了那位正背對著他小睡的產婦一個長吻。那位產婦發現是位陌生人，驚跳起來咐毀圓。但她還沒來得及張口，我丈夫便微笑著說：「真想不到生個孩子能使你變化如此之大!」
練習參考答案：
①A②C③C④B⑤D
初中英語短文演講帶翻譯笑話閱讀
This Hole in the Ground
There was once a farmer who lived near a road.
It was not a busy road, but from time to time, cars passed the farm.
Near the farm gate, there was a large hole in the road.
This hole was always full of water, and the drivers of the cars could not see how deep the hole was. They thought it was probably shallow.
Then when they drove into the hole, they could not drive out because it was so deep .
The farmer did not spend much time working on his farm. He spent most of it watching the hole.
When a car drove into it, he pulled the car out with his tractor and charged the driver a lot of money for doing this.
One day, the driver of a car said to him, "You must make a lot of money pulling cars out of this hole night and day."
"Oh, no, " the farmer said." I don' t pull cars out of the hole at night. At night I fill the hole with water."
Notes:
1 from time to time偶爾
2 tractor n. 拖拉機
3 charge v.收費;要價
Exercises:
根據短文選擇正確答案：
① Where did the farmer live?
A. near a road
B. in a hole in the road
C. in a large cu
D. under a tractor
② Many mm went into the hole because the drivers_____ .
A. were going too fast to stop
B. did not see the hole
C. did not know the hole was very deep
D. liked driving through water
③ What did the farmer all day?
A. pulled mm out of the hole in the road
B. filled the hole with water
C. laughed at the drivers of the cars
D. worked on his farm
④ How did the farmer make money?
A. from growing things
B. from selling water
C. from pulling cars out of the hole
D. from filling the hole with water
⑤ What did the farmer do at night?
A. He pulled cars out of the hole.
B. He sat there watching the hole.
C. He filled the hole with water.
D. He g the hole deeper and deeper.
56.地坑
從前，有個農夫住在馬路邊上。
這不是個繁忙的路段，偶爾有汽車從農場路過。
就在農場大門的旁邊，路當中有個大坑。
坑裡總是充滿了水，汽車司機根本看不出坑有多深。他們會以為很淺。
司機們一旦把車開進坑裡，就別想再開出來，因為坑太深了。
農夫也不怎麼在農場里幹活，大部分時間他都在注視著這個坑。
當一個汽車開進坑裡，他就用他的拖拉機把它拉上來，然後為此向司機索要很多錢。
一天，一位汽車司機對他說：「你日日夜夜把汽車往外拉，肯定掙了很多錢。」
「哦，不，」農夫說，「我夜裡不幹這活兒，夜裡我得朝這坑裡注水。」
練習參考答案：
①A②C③A④C⑤C
初中英語短文演講帶翻譯笑話學習
A Prospective Horse Buyer
Then there was the preacher who decided to sell his horse. A prospective buyer was impressed with the animal, but the preacher said, " I must warn you-he only responds to 'church talk'. Go is 'Praise the Lord', and stop is 'Hallelujah"'.
"I've worked with horses all my life," said the buyer, "and I've never heard of anything like this." Mounting the horse, he said skeptically, " Praise the Lord." The horse began to trot. He repeated "Praise the Lord" and the horse broke into a gallop. Suddenly the buyer saw a cliff dead ahead. Frantic, he yelled "Hallelujah", and they came to a stop a foot from the edge.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the buyer said, "Praise the Lord!"
Notes:
1 prospective adj.預期的;可能的
2 preacher n.傳教者
3 impress v.給予強烈影響;留下深刻印象
4 respond v.有反應
5 Praise the Lord感謝上帝
6 Hallelujah哈里路亞贊美上帝之語
7 skeptically adv.懷疑地
8 trot v.小跑
9 gallop n.疾馳;飛奔
10 dead adv.完全地;絕對地
11 dead ahead正前方
Exercises:
根據短文判斷下列句子正T、F：
① The preacher decided to sell his horse to buy another.
② The buyer liked the horse at his first glance.
③ The buyer didn't believe what the preacher had said.
④ Suddenly the buyer saw a deep river ahead.
⑤ The buyer shouldn't have said "Praise the Lord" when they came to a stop at the edge of the cliff.
57.欲買馬之人
傳教士決定賣掉他的馬。一位欲買馬之人看中了這匹馬，但傳教士說：「我必須警告你----他只懂『教堂語言』。走是『感謝上帝』，停是『哈里路亞』。」
「我一生都在同馬打交道，」買馬之人說，「這樣的事我還是頭一次聽到。」他跨上馬，將信將疑地說：「感謝上帝。」馬開始小跑。他重復說「感謝上帝」，馬開始飛奔起來。突然買馬者看到前面是一個懸崖。他嚇壞了，匆忙喊道：「哈里路亞。」他們在離懸崖只有一英尺的地方停了下來。
買馬之人擦了擦額頭上的汗珠，說道：「感謝上帝!」
練習參考答案：
①F②T③T④F⑤T
㈨ 初二英語笑話帶翻譯精選
「笑話詩」雖有別於中國傳統的古典詩詞,但作為白話詩的一種,其尚「趣」的特質,在中國詩歌史上別開生面。下面是我帶來的初二英語笑話帶翻譯，歡迎閱讀!
Do Me a Favor
The mechanic was very busy when I took my car in for repairs, so I settled down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought along. The mechanic was in and out answering calls, and at one point he stopped and looked at me . "Would you do me a favor and flip back a few pages when someone es in? That way it won't look as if you've been here all day."
Notes:
1 mechanic n.汽車修理師
2 settle down安適地坐下或躺
3 do *** a favor幫助某人
4 flip v.以指捻
Exercises:
根據短文填空
① The mechanic was very busy when I took my car ______ repairs.
② So I______ down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought_____ .
③ The mechanic was ______ and ______answering calls.
④ Would you do me a favor and ______back a few pages when someone es ______?
⑤ That way it won't look_____ _____ you've been here all day.
臘頌49.請幫個余伍忙
我把車拖去修理，機械師很忙。所以我就坐在接待室，拿出我隨身帶來的書讀，機械師出出進進地打招呼。有一次，他停下來看我說：「你能幫我個忙嗎?有人進來時，把書翻回幾頁行嗎?那樣的話，就不會看上去你在這兒呆了一整天了。」
豎局或練習參考答案：
① in; for ② settled; along ③ in ; out ④ flip in ⑤ as; if
初二英語笑話帶翻譯閱讀
Point of No Return
My hu *** and ordered home delivery of our local newspaper. Because we live in rural area where no street numbers are used, I was concerned that the carrier would have trouble finding us. Sure enough, we missed delivery several days despite frequent calls to the circulation department. Finally I phoned to cancel the subscription. "You'll have to tell me your exact location," the woman on the line said. "We can't cancel the subscription unless we know where you live.
Notes:
1 delivery n.遞送
2 rural area鄉村
3 concerned adj.焦慮的;擔心的
4 have trouble doing sth做某事有麻煩
5 despite prep.不管;不顧
6 frequent adj.時常發生的;慣常的
7 circulation n.發行
8 subscription n.訂閱
Exercises:
根據短文選擇正確答案：
① Where did the family live?
A. in the countryside
B. in the suburbs
C. in the urban area
D. near the circulation department of the local newspaper
② What was the wife worried about?
A. She was worried about the quality of the newspaper.
B. She was worried that the carrier would deliver their newspaper to someone else.
C. She was worried that the carrier would find difficulty in finding them.
D. She was worried that the newspaper might not be interesting enough.
③ What happened to them after their ordering?
A. They got the newspaper.
B. The newspaper was cancelled.
C. The circulation department refused to deliver the newspaper to them.
D. For several days they missed delivery.
④ What did they finally decide to do?
A. They decided to cancel the subscription.
B. They decided to cancel the newspaper.
C. They decided to punish the carrier.
D. They decided to take it to court.
⑤ What was the result?
A. The circulation department promised that they would get their delivery in time.
B. The carrier was punished.
C. They could neither get their delivery nor cancel their subscription.
D. The newspaper was cancelled.
50.有去無回
我丈夫預訂了當地報紙的戶送。因為我們住在鄉下，沒有街道號碼，所以我擔心送報員不易找到我們。果真如此，一連幾天都沒有報紙送來，盡管我們頻繁地往發行部打電話詢問。最後我打電話取消訂閱協議。「您得告訴我們您的准確位置，」電話中女子說，「除非我們知道您住在哪裡，否則我們不能取消訂閱協議。」
練習參考答案：
①A②C③D④A⑤C
初二英語笑話帶翻譯學習
The Story of a Snail
When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle. Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.
"I really can't remember," the snail replied. "You see, it all happened so fast."
Notes:
1 snail n.蝸牛
2 run over碾過在地上的某人或某物
3 regain v.恢復
4 consciousness n.知覺
5 emergency n.緊急事件;緊急情況
Exercises:
根據短文回答下列問題：
① What did the snail do one day?
② What happened to him ?
③ Where did he regain consciousness?
④ Could he till remember what caused the accident?
51.蝸牛的故事
一個蝸牛過馬路，被一個烏龜從身上碾過。在急救室里它恢復了知覺，有的人問它事故是怎樣發生的。
「我記不起來了，」蝸牛回答說，「你瞧，一切發生得都太快了。」
練習參考答案：
① He crossed the road.
② He was run over by a turtle.
③ In the emergency room.
④ No, he couldn't.
㈩ 適合初中生的英語小笑話，簡單的，帶意思，緊急！！！！
1.Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"
"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."
Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"
丈夫打完高爾夫球回來，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門口迎了上去。「爸爸，誰贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔？」
「我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是為贏，」丈夫推諉說。「我們打球只是為了開心而已。」
莎拉毫不氣餒，又問：「那麼，爸爸，誰玩的更開心呢？」
2.A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
一個男孩放學回家時，覺得肚子痛。「來，坐下，吃點點心，」媽媽說，「你肚子痛是因為肚子是空的。吃點東西就會好的。」
一會兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說是頭痛。
「你頭痛是因為你的腦袋是空的，」他那聰明的兒子說，「裡面裝點東西，就會好的。」
3.A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"
一位年輕的母親認為，世界上還有許多受飢餓的人，浪費食物真不應該。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女兒睡覺之前，她給女兒喂夜宵。她先給她一片新鮮的黑麵包和黃油，但孩子說她不喜歡這樣吃。她還要一些果醬塗在麵包上。
母親看了女兒幾秒鍾，隨即說道，「露茜，當我象你一樣小的時候，總是吃麵包加黃油，或者麵包加果醬，從來沒有麵包既加黃油又加果醬。」
露茜看了母親一會兒，眼中露出憐憫的神情，然後她柔聲說：「您現在能跟我們生活在一起難道不感到高興嗎？」
系統居然懷疑我灌水，我身邊又沒有水龍頭.