适合初中生阅读的英语笑话

Ⅰ 初二英语笑话带翻译精选

“笑话诗”虽有别于中国传统的古典诗词,但作为白话诗的一种,其尚“趣”的特质,在中国诗歌史上别开生面。下面是我带来的初二英语笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!

Do Me a Favor

The mechanic was very busy when I took my car in for repairs, so I settled down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought along. The mechanic was in and out answering calls, and at one point he stopped and looked at me . "Would you do me a favor and flip back a few pages when someone es in? That way it won't look as if you've been here all day."

Notes:

1 mechanic n.汽车修理师

2 settle down安适地坐下或躺

3 do *** a favor帮助某人

4 flip v.以指捻

Exercises:

根据短文填空

① The mechanic was very busy when I took my car ______ repairs.

② So I______ down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought_____ .

③ The mechanic was ______ and ______answering calls.

④ Would you do me a favor and ______back a few pages when someone es ______?

⑤ That way it won't look_____ _____ you've been here all day.

腊颂49.请帮个余伍忙

我把车拖去修理，机械师很忙。所以我就坐在接待室，拿出我随身带来的书读，机械师出出进进地打招呼。有一次，他停下来看我说：“你能帮我个忙吗?有人进来时，把书翻回几页行吗?那样的话，就不会看上去你在这儿呆了一整天了。”

竖局或练习参考答案：

① in; for ② settled; along ③ in ; out ④ flip in ⑤ as; if
初二英语笑话带翻译阅读
Point of No Return

My hu *** and ordered home delivery of our local newspaper. Because we live in rural area where no street numbers are used, I was concerned that the carrier would have trouble finding us. Sure enough, we missed delivery several days despite frequent calls to the circulation department. Finally I phoned to cancel the subscription. "You'll have to tell me your exact location," the woman on the line said. "We can't cancel the subscription unless we know where you live.

Notes:

1 delivery n.递送

2 rural area乡村

3 concerned adj.焦虑的;担心的

4 have trouble doing sth做某事有麻烦

5 despite prep.不管;不顾

6 frequent adj.时常发生的;惯常的

7 circulation n.发行

8 subscription n.订阅

Exercises:

根据短文选择正确答案：

① Where did the family live?

A. in the countryside

B. in the suburbs

C. in the urban area

D. near the circulation department of the local newspaper

② What was the wife worried about?

A. She was worried about the quality of the newspaper.

B. She was worried that the carrier would deliver their newspaper to someone else.

C. She was worried that the carrier would find difficulty in finding them.

D. She was worried that the newspaper might not be interesting enough.

③ What happened to them after their ordering?

A. They got the newspaper.

B. The newspaper was cancelled.

C. The circulation department refused to deliver the newspaper to them.

D. For several days they missed delivery.

④ What did they finally decide to do?

A. They decided to cancel the subscription.

B. They decided to cancel the newspaper.

C. They decided to punish the carrier.

D. They decided to take it to court.

⑤ What was the result?

A. The circulation department promised that they would get their delivery in time.

B. The carrier was punished.

C. They could neither get their delivery nor cancel their subscription.

D. The newspaper was cancelled.

50.有去无回

我丈夫预订了当地报纸的户送。因为我们住在乡下，没有街道号码，所以我担心送报员不易找到我们。果真如此，一连几天都没有报纸送来，尽管我们频繁地往发行部打电话询问。最后我打电话取消订阅协议。“您得告诉我们您的准确位置，”电话中女子说，“除非我们知道您住在哪里，否则我们不能取消订阅协议。”

练习参考答案：

①A②C③D④A⑤C
初二英语笑话带翻译学习
The Story of a Snail

When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle. Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.

"I really can't remember," the snail replied. "You see, it all happened so fast."

Notes:

1 snail n.蜗牛

2 run over碾过在地上的某人或某物

3 regain v.恢复

4 consciousness n.知觉

5 emergency n.紧急事件;紧急情况

Exercises:

根据短文回答下列问题：

① What did the snail do one day?

② What happened to him ?

③ Where did he regain consciousness?

④ Could he till remember what caused the accident?

51.蜗牛的故事

一个蜗牛过马路，被一个乌龟从身上碾过。在急救室里它恢复了知觉，有的人问它事故是怎样发生的。

“我记不起来了，”蜗牛回答说，“你瞧，一切发生得都太快了。”

练习参考答案：

① He crossed the road.

② He was run over by a turtle.

③ In the emergency room.

④ No, he couldn't.

Ⅱ 初中英语笑话故事

初中英语笑话故事大全

笑一笑，十年少，我为大家整理了初中英语笑话故事大全,希望大家能展颜一笑,记得每天都要开心饥橘一刻哦!嘻嘻!

初中英语笑话故事篇一：

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’烂扰团s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的李丛事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

初中英语笑话故事篇二：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?

Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.

She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”

But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”

Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，

then green again，but her car did not start.

“What am I going to do now?” She said.

But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”

格林太太八十岁了。她有一辆小型轿车，每逢星期六她总是开着这辆车去购买食品。

因为年纪大了，格林太太车子开得不快，不过她开车技术很高，从来没有出过事。有时她的孙子孙女们对她说：“奶奶，您别开车了，我们可以送您去商店。”

但她总是说：“不，我喜欢开车。我已经开了五十年了，现在还不想撒手。”

上星期六，她看见交通灯是红色就刹住了车。后来车子熄火了。交通灯由绿色转为黄色，然后转为红色，又转变为绿色，可她的车子还是发动不起来。

“现在我该怎么办呢?”她说。

这时一位警察走过来，和气地对她说：“早上好，今天交通灯的颜色没有一样您喜欢吗?”

初中英语笑话故事篇三：

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, e to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

一个男人在热气球上，发现自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一个妇女。他又下降了一点，大声呼喊,"打扰下，你能帮个忙吗，一个小时以前我答应了一个朋友要和他见面，但现在我不知道我身处何地。”

妇女在下面回答，“你在一个热气球里，大约离地面三十英尺。你在北纬40-41度之间，西经59-60度之间。”

“你必定是个工程设计师，”气球上的男人说。

“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的?”

“是这样，”气球上的男人说“你告诉我的事在技术上都是正确的，但是我无法理解你的看法，事实是我依旧迷失。坦白说，到目前为止你没帮上我多少。”

下面的妇女回应道，“你一定是在管理部门工作。”

“我是，”气球上的`男人回答，“这你是怎么知道的?”

“是啊，”妇女说，“你总是不知道你在哪里，也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升，是由于大量的热气。你对别人许下的承诺，你不知道如何履行，而且你还期望在你下面的人会解决你的问题。事实就是在我们见面之前，我们都在完全相同的立场上，可现在，不知怎么地，却成了我的错了。”

初中英语笑话故事篇四：Meet My Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

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Ⅲ 初二英语笑话带翻译

初二英语笑话带翻译

初二英语笑话带翻译一：

Perfect Match

A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. "Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"

"Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase."

绝 配

一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩而深感骄傲，以至于她竟要把卧室码前漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色，但是谁也没有能令那位怪癖的妇女满意。

最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意，油漆匠于是一举成名。

多年以后，他退休了，生意也交给儿子。“爸，”儿子说，“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的?”

“儿子，”父亲回答说，“我漆了花瓶。”

初二英语笑话带翻译二：

Three doctors arrived in heaven. St. Peter asked them why they should be let into heaven.

The first doctor said,″Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for my work.″ St. Peter let him in.

The second doctor said, ″I haven't won any prizes, but I've started free clinics and helped those in need forfree.″ St. Peter let him in.

The third doctor said, ″I'm responsible for all the hospitals across the United States.″

St. Peter thought about it for a minute and said, ″迟败清OK,I'll let you in, but you will be responsible for your safety!″

3位医生到了天堂。圣彼得问他们，为什么他们能进入天堂。

第一个医生回答因为我获得过诺贝尔和平奖。圣彼得让他进了天堂。

第二个医生回答我没得过什么奖，但我开设过免费门诊，免枯孝费治病。圣彼得让他进了天堂。

第三个医生回答我负责管理美国所有的`医院。

圣彼得思考了一分钟，说，好吧，我让你进去，但你要为自己的安全负责!

初二英语笑话带翻译三：

A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted(放屁) at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly."The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up yoursinuses(鼻窦) , let's start working on your hearing."

有位小老太太去看医生：“医生，我有爱放屁的毛病。其实也不是大问题，只是我放屁不臭而且没声音。事实上，我在这里已经放了20多个屁，但是你并不知道对吧，因为我的屁不臭，而且还没声音。”医生说：“好的，我明白了。吃这个药片，一天三次连续吃七天，下星期你再来。”一星期后老太太来了，“医生，你到底给的我什么药，现在我放屁还是没声音，但是怎么这么臭!”医生说：“太好了!你的嗅觉正常了，现在开始治听觉。”

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Ⅳ 初一英语笑话小故事精选

笑话作为一种特殊的交际策略，它能够帮助人们缓解尴尬的气氛，从而保持和谐的人际关系。我精心收集了初一 英语笑话 小 故事 ，供大家欣赏学习!
初一英语笑话小故事篇1
大脑袋Big Head

“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”

“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

“Where's the shopping bag?”

“I haven't got one,use your hat.”

大脑袋

“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪?”

“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
初一英语笑话小故事篇2
Husband: Did you sew the button on my shirt, darling?

Wife: No, dear. I couldn't find the button, so I just sewed up the buttonhole.

丈夫：你给我把扣子缝好了吗，亲爱的?

妻子：没有，亲爱的。我找不到扣子，所以我只把扣眼儿给缝上了。
初一英语笑话小故事篇3
懂得一门外语的重要桐物性A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

一只大猫带着四只小猫，突然路遇一只大狗，小猫吓的往后退缩，这时大猫对着狗一阵大吠，把狗吓跑。

大猫扭头对小猫说：“看到没老轮纯有，知道懂得一门外语的重要性了吧。”
初一英语笑话小故事篇4
New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

侍咐model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新发现

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”
初一英语笑话小故事篇5
the science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "now i'll show you this frog in my pocket." he then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. he looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,

"that's funny. i distinctly remember eating my lunch."

老师正在给学生上生物课：“现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。”接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：“真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。”

Ⅳ 有哪些英语小笑话给我来十个（越短越好）

1、英语笑话（一）  

老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”   

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?   

老师说：Go ahead.  

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?   

老师说：Go ahead.  

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？   

小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！   

2、英语笑话（二）  

某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hong tao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！   

3、英语笑话（三）  

江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。  

翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."  

翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."  

4、英语笑话（四）   

话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」  

B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」  

轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」   

5、英语笑话（五）  

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.   

老外应道：I am sorry too.   

某人听后又道：I am sorry three.   

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?   

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 

6、英语笑话（六）  

一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”  

后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”  

日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 

7、英语笑话（七）  

传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。 精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）. 克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late. 

8、英语笑话（八） 

小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。  

小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 

老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English.  

小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....

踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too. 

two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~   这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for? 

晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~） 

9、英语笑话（九） 

我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！” 

10、英语笑话（十） 

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.  "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"  "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "                     

“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”  “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

Ⅵ 适合初中生的英语幽默故事

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探亏稿出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能销举孝认出他，”伊凡说。答隐“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing o policemen. If I regard the o policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor *** iled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.上帝曾经答应我 Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said. 有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。 Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said, "Let me try world peace". 然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。” 1.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly. Tom: And why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？ 杰克：当然应该了。 汤姆：为什么？ 杰克：否则他就该跟我借了 2.I was acpanying my hu *** and on a business trip. He carried his portable puter with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the bination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my u *** and confessed. 我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。 “你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。 “这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道 3.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down? Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I fot to shake the bottle. 妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？ 汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了 4.One evening I drove my hu *** and's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.' My hu *** and looked up and said, 'Mom's here?' 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 5.Mary was so disgusted at her hu *** and's cigarette *** oking that she plained to him one day. 'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.' 'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a *** ile. 玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天对他抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。” “不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。 Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 18.鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the *** ooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her posure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement munity. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 英语笑话（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my hu *** and's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My hu *** and looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 英语笑话（十）One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。” 回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08 提问者对于答案的评价： 嘻嘻 评价已经被关闭 目前有 8 个人评价 好 50% （4） 不好 50% （4） 对最佳答案的评论 GOOD! 评论者： YABNV - 魔法学徒 一级 其他回答共 2 条 Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the motion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 逻辑推理 小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” [注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。 Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗? This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses． One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations． “I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！” “But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness． “There are not！” snapped the lawyer． “Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？” 这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。 有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。 “我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。” “可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。 “不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。 “噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？” Two Birds Teacher: Here are o birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 "Can you tell me what fish is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打” Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？ 体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？ Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night. 尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！ Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it. 老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。 Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.” 尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”( 1．we o who and who？ 咱俩谁跟谁阿 2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？ 3．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！ 你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！ 4．as far as you go to die 有多远，死多远！！！！ 5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏，无事退朝 6．you me you me 彼此彼此 7．You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！ 8．know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知… 9．WATCH SISTER 表妹 10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’’son can make hole!!龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！ 11.．I give you face you don’t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face 给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸 12．one car eone car go ,o car pengpeng,people die (车祸现场描述 ) 13．heart flower angry open 心花怒放 14．go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过 15．小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too! 小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for? 小明：I am sorry five! 16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I haveone! 要钱没有，要命一条 17．I call Li old big. toyear 25. 我叫李老大，今年25。 18．you have o down son 你有两下子。 19.好好学习，天天向上： good good study,day day up! 20.people mountain people sea! 人山人海。 这个问题可以搜索一下 学知网,它的对应目录是" 外语大全/英语学习/英语综合教程/英语"

Ⅶ 七年级英语笑话

七年级英语笑话

英语笑话，有的令我笑喷了，有的感觉难以发笑呀，虽然看英文叙述非常简单，但英语国家的幽默我们未必看得懂，下面是我为大家收集整理的是七年级英语笑话，仅供参考。

七年级英语笑话【一】

Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, "There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?"

Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.

They came out of the cinema at 11 o'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, "Look, Bill. A woman's running along the road very fast, and a man's running after her. Can you see them?"

Mr. Jones said, "Yes, I can." He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, "Can we help you?"

"No, thank you," the woman said, but she did not stop running. "My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!"

七年级英语笑话【二】

One day,a lady talked with her friend saying that the sun is the most beautiful and useful of the celestial bodies.

A gentlman who was present, answered: "Yes, Madam, the sun is a very fine body, to be sure, but in my opinion, it is not so useful as the moon."

"Why so?" asked the lady.

"Because," replied the gentleman, "the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we really want it, whereas we have the sun always with us in the day-time, when we have not so much need of it."

七年级英语笑话【三】

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

七年级英语笑话【四】

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

七年级英语笑话【五】

"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."

"Don't listen to them," his mother comforted him, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."

"Where's the shopping bag?"

"I haven't got one, use your hat."

“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪？”

“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”

七年级英语笑话【六】

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？”

七年级英语笑话【七】

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

七年级英语笑话【八】

After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的`一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。

七年级英语笑话【九】

One day, the teacher inquired of Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.

The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"

"The hole," replied Peter。

一天，老师问彼得：“4减4等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。

老师生气地说：“真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋里放四个硬币，而你的口袋上有个窟窿，硬币全漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？”

“窟窿，”彼得答道。

七年级英语笑话【十】

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．

一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么？” “雨，”店员说。

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Ⅷ [初中生的英语小笑话短文]英语小短文

笑话是我们工作学习之余缓解压力、舒缓情绪的重要渠道。所以，在生活中我们多讲笑话哟!我整理了初中生的英语小笑话短文，欢迎阅读!

初中生的英语小笑话短文篇一
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live inthe United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he askedvarious members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The classwent very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that theywere engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me thekeys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought thatthe student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shruggedhis shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher'嫌衡歼s neck and kissed him on bothcheeks.

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国拦孝生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子、书本、钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇二
When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I requiredmy students to attend the university theater's current proction and write a critique. Afterviewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought Iwas actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.

我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当芹冲时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇三
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison.

一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。

The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone whowould help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, ForHEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!

老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and g up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened andasking him what to do next.His son's reply was: Just plant your potatoes.

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇四
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoedown-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knowswhat's happening."Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door,his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."

半夜两点，科尔肯太太确信听到客厅有贼，便对丈夫说：“别开灯，蹑手蹑脚下楼，别让贼发觉，悄悄靠近他。” 科尔肯先生披上外套，责无旁贷地去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口，他妻子又补充说：“回来时给我捎杯牛奶。”

Ⅸ 初二英语笑话

初二英语笑话

初二英语笑话一：

粗灶宏A middle aged couple is watching TV when a TVEvangelist(福音传教士) comes on and promises to heal the sick."If only you would pray with Him, place your right hand in the air, and place your left hand on the afflicted(折磨的)area, the Almighty Lord will heal you."So the man places his right hand in the air and his left hand on his crotch(胯部) and his wife says "Gee honey he said heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

初二英语笑话二：

"I am in desperate need of help -- or I'll go crazy. We're living in a single room -- my wife, my children and my in-laws. So our nerves are on edge, we yell and scream at one another. The room is a hell.""Do you promise to do whatever I tell you?" said the Master gravely."I swear I shall do anything.""Very well. How many animals do you have?""A cow, a goat and six chickens.""Take them all into the room with you. Then come back after a week."Thedisciple(门徒，信徒) was appalled(惊骇的). But he had promised to obey! So he took the animals in. A week later he came back, apitiable(可怜的) figure, moaning(呻吟) , "I'm a nervous wreck. The dirt! Thestench(恶岩册臭) ! The noise! We're all on the verge of madness!""Go back," said the Master, "and put the animals out."The man ran all the way home. And came back the following day, his eyes sparkling with joy. "How sweet life is! The animals are out. The home is a Paradise, so quiet and clean and roomy!

初二英辩老语笑话三：

A jackal(豺，走狗) who was going to be eaten by a lion. The jackal said to the lion: "No, please, you can't eat me! You can't eat me! This will be a great mistake. If you eat me, that'll be terrible, that will be a disaster, that will be the end of the world!"The lion was very puzzled and said: "How come? How come if I eat you, the world will end?"The jackal said:"Because if you eat me, that will be the end of the world for me!"

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Ⅹ 中学生英语笑话

中学生英语笑话

中学生英语笑话：Hardofhearing

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain‘t it?"

"No,"绝毕 the second man replied, "It‘s Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let‘s have a coke."

中学生英语笑话并磨芹：Chooseapunishment

private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

"You can take your choice, private - one month‘s restriction or twenty day‘s pay," said the officer.

"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I‘ll take the money."

中学生英语笑话：Greatfirstparent

The First parent

by Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God‘s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don‘t."

"Don‘t what?", Adam replied.

"Don‘t eat the forbidden fruit."

"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"

"It‘s over there," said God, wondering why He hadn‘t stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

"Didn‘t I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First parent asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I nno," Adam answered.

游悉God‘s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven‘t taken it, don‘t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

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