英語幽默故事怎麼翻譯

『壹』 英語幽默故事（中文翻譯）

Whose Son Is the Greatest
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

誰的兒子最偉大

四位牧師的母親聚到一起談論她們的兒子。「我的兒子是個教士，」第一位母親自豪地說道，「他進入房間，人們都說，『您好，閣下』。」

第二為母親說：「我的兒子是位主教。他進入房間，人們都稱，『您好，大人』。」

「我的兒子是位紅衣主教，」第三位母親接著說，「他走進房間，人們都說，『您好，尊敬的主教大人』。」

第四位母親略思片刻。「我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，」她說，「他要是走入房間，人們都說『哦，我的上帝』！」

Quick Service
A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, "I'd like you to repair these shoes for me, please."

"Certainly, sir," the shoemaker said.

"When will they be ready?" the man asked.

"I'm a bit busy, but they'll be ready for you on Thursday." he said.

That's fine," the man said, and left the shop.

The next morning he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hours he was on an airplane to his new job.

Twenty years passed and he returned to his hometown.

He remembered his shoes.

"They were a good pair of shoes," he thought. "I wonder if the shoemaker is still there and still has them. I'll go and see.擾He was pleased to see that the shoemaker was still in the same shop ,although he was an old man by now.

"Good morning," he said to him. "Twenty years ago, I brought in a pair of shoes to be repaired. Do you think you've still got them?"

"Name?" the old shoemaker asked.

"Smith," the man said.

"I'll go and see. They may be out back.

The shoemaker went out to the back of his shop -and a few minutes later returned ,carrying the pair of shoes.

"Here we are," he said. "One pair of brown shoes to be repaired. I'm a bit busy now, but they'll probably be ready on Thursday."

快速服務

一個人把一雙鞋子拿到一家鞋店，並對修鞋匠說，「請幫我修這雙鞋子。」

「當然可以，先生，」鞋匠說。

「什麼時候能修好？」那個人問。

「我有點忙，但到星期四我會修好鞋子的。」他說。

「很好，」那人說，並離開了那家店。

第二天早上，他收到一封信，提供他一份在國外的工作。24小時內，他登上飛機去接受那份新工作。

二十年過去了，他回到了故鄉。

他記起了那雙鞋。

「那是一雙好鞋，」他想，「我想知道鞋匠是否還在那兒，是否還有那雙鞋。我要去看看。」

他很高興看到鞋匠還在那家店裡，雖然他已很老了。

「早上好，」他對鞋匠說，「二十年前，我拿了一雙鞋子來修。你記得還有那雙鞋嗎？」

「名字？」老鞋匠問。

「史密斯，」那人回答。

「我去瞧瞧，或許在後面呢。」

鞋匠回到店的後面去，幾分鍾後又回來了，手裡提著那雙鞋子，「在這呢，」他說，「一雙棕色的鞋子要修。我有點忙，但可以到星期四把鞋子修好。」

『貳』 非常簡短的英語幽默故事帶翻譯

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」
「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？」

『叄』 英語笑話10個，英語故事4個（要翻譯

1.But the teacher cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

可是老師哭了

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：「學校怎麼樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？」

「哭？」約翰問，「不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。」

2. I Wasn't Asleep

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我沒有睡著

當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒！」

「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。

「沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？」

「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」

3.Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父親在哪兒？

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀！」

「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？」

哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」

4.The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

醫生住在樓下

「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。

「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」

他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」

5.Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，

回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」

我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」

6. Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告「年輕者」

這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，

千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」

7.The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝嗇鬼請客

一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」

「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」

「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。

8.Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不識字

布朗夫人：哦，

親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！

史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！

布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

9.Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它們是從美國直接帶來的

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

10. He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

1.The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鴿子

A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.

Zeal should not outrun discretion.

有隻鴿子口渴得很難受，看見畫板上畫著一個水瓶，以為是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飛過 去，不料一頭碰撞在畫板上，折斷了翅膀，摔在地上，被人輕易地捉住了。

這是說，有些人想急於得到所需的東西，一時沖動，草率從事，就會身遭不幸。

2.The Goat and the Goatherd 山羊與牧羊人

A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, "Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I be silent."

Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid.

很多山羊被牧羊人趕到羊圈裡。有一隻山羊不知在吃什麼好東西，單獨落在後面。牧羊 人拿起一塊石頭扔了過去，正巧打斷了山羊的一隻角。牧羊人嚇得請求山羊不要告訴主人， 山羊說：「即使我不說，又怎能隱瞞下去呢？我的角已斷了，這是十分明顯的事實。」

這故事說明，明顯的罪狀是無法隱瞞的。

3.The Ass and the Grasshopper 驢子與蚱蜢

AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, "The dew." The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.
驢子聽見蚱蜢唱歌，被美妙動聽的歌聲所打動，自己也想能發出同樣悅耳動聽的聲音，便 羨慕地問他們吃些什麼，才能發出如此美妙的聲音來。蚱蜢答道：「吃露水。」驢子便也只吃露水，沒多久就餓死了。

這個故事告訴人們不要企望非份之物。

4.The Lion and the Mouse 獅子與報恩的老鼠

A LION was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up angrily, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: "If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness." The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came and gnawed the rope with his teeth and set him free, exclaiming:
"You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."

獅子睡著了，有隻老鼠跳到了他身上。獅子猛然站起來，把他抓住，准備吃掉。老鼠請求饒命，並說如果保住性命，必將報恩，獅子輕蔑地笑了笑，便把他放走了。不久，獅子真的被老鼠救了性命。原來獅子被一個獵人抓獲，並用繩索把他捆在一棵樹上。老鼠聽到了他 的哀嚎，走過去咬斷繩索，放走了獅子，並說：
「你當時嘲笑我，不相信能得到我的報答， 現在可清楚了，老鼠也能報恩。」 這故事說明，時運交替變更，強者也會有需要弱者的時候。

『肆』 英語幽默故事帶翻譯

這樣可以嗎 ？

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

『伍』 求英語幽默故事10個（要翻譯）

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

中間戰術

三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」

左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」

中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I『m going abroad tomorrow, but I『d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I『ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

"Oh, that『s all right," answered Joan. "I『m his sister."

"I『m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I『m his mother!"

在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，「我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。」瓊同意了，於是他們幾個月里一直通著信。

後來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。

瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，「我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。」

「這里只有親屬可以探望病人。」護士長說。

「噢，是的，」瓊說，「我是他的妹妹。」

「很高興認識你，」護士長說，「我是他的母親。」

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one『s name was George, and the second one『s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven『t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What『s your girl-friend『s address?"

軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：「比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎？」

比爾說：「有。」然後把信紙和信封給了喬治。

喬治又說：「我還沒有筆呢。」比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完後把信放進信封里，又問：「比爾，你有郵票嗎？」比爾給了他一張。

這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：「你要出去嗎？」

比爾說：「是的。」隨即打開了門。

喬治說：「請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有...」他停住了。

「你還要什麼？」比爾問。

喬治看著信封說：「你女朋友的地址是－？」

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John『s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy『s family name, so when he saw John『s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五個月

第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

「你多大了？」軍醫問。

「十八，長官。」約翰說。

「可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎？」

約翰臉紅了，說：「哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。」

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

父親、哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉了轉，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學員。幾名遊客問新兵是否願意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。「好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點軍校來學習會得到什麼。」

一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學員，問她是否願意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：「我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什麼。」

（6）Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it 『To my one and only love『. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

送給女友的禮物

在一家珠寶店裡，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。「要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎？」珠寶商問道。

那名顧客想了一會兒，然後說道：「不－－在上面刻『給我唯一的愛』。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。」

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband『s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I『d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重許願

一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。

妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯！」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」

仙女拾起了魔術棒。「呯！」，他變成了90歲。

Wood Fire

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."

"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"

森林之火

一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：「丈夫們就像是森林裡的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。」

「那是不是意味著，」另一個問道，「他們將自己燒成灰燼？」

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I『d pulled you out, they『d chuck me in."

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。

「最好的辦法，長官，」這名水手說，「是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。」

Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

"He『s a good boy," said Jack『s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I『m sure he『ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

"No, no, that『s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn『t know!"

"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack『s father. "You see, I『m afraid we don『t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

拿破崙病了

傑克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，傑克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓傑克繼續來年的學業。

「他是個好孩子，」傑克的父親說：「您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。」

「不，不，那不可能，」教授馬上回答。「你知道嗎？上個月我問他拿破崙什麼時候死的，他都不知道。」

「先生，請再給他一次機會吧。」傑克的父親說：「你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破崙病了都不知道。」

He Was Only Wrong by Two

Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren『t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I『d better ask him a few questions first."

Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn『t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, "Well, what『s five times seven?"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

他的得數只比正確答案多二

傑克霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不願錄取。

有一天，教練帶著一位優秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說後院長說：「那我最好先問問他幾個問題。」

然後他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。

最後院長說：「那麼，五乘七得多少？」

學生想了很久，然後回答說：「三十六。」

院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認真地說，「噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。」

Real Play

When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater『s current proction and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."

逼真的戲劇

我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當時的演出，並寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出後，一名學生寫道：「這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致於我認為我自己是坐在家裡的沙發上，從電視上看到的。」

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

勢均力敵

有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：「放點乳酪在裡面，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。」

這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家裡，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到乳酪。她不想再回到商店裡去，因為已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅乳酪的圖片放進了夾子。

令人稱奇的是，這畫有乳酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾里乳酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!

Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you『ll notice that my hands are bare."

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

園藝手套

幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結婚戒指，因為我對黃金有點過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什麼禮物。我舉起雙手說：「嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。」

那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。「生日快樂！」他說。我打開一看：裡麵包著一雙園藝手套。

Warning

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn『t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

提醒

我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之後，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，「提醒」他我們將光臨。但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。「忘了我們要來，是吧？」我取笑他。

「開什麼玩笑？「，他回答說，「要不我憑什麼費神打掃？」

Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don『t mind if you look at your watches ring class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they『re still running."

基本原則

位於吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，他說：「我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看錶我並不介意。不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。」

『陸』 翻譯英語幽默小故事

布朗太太出去了。她鎖了門，然後在門上貼了一張字條給送奶工「沒有人在家，什麼都不要留下」。她晚上回來的時候發現，她的門被撬開了，而且被洗劫一空。在那張她留下的字條上她看到了「謝謝！我們沒有什麼都沒有留下」

Harry 和 Lloyd 超速行駛。一個警察把他們攔截下來。「為什麼開這么快？」警察問。
我們的剎車有點問題，所以我們想在出事故前離開這里。

『柒』 英文帶翻譯（幽默故事）簡短

追了一姑娘很多年了，那天她QQ發我一句：If you do not leave me. -I will by your side until the life end. 我沒看懂請過了6級的朋友翻譯，他說：你要不離開我，我就和你同歸於盡。於是我傷心欲絕，再也沒聯系那姑娘。後來我英語也過六級了，才知道那是「你若不離不棄，我必生死相依」！

『捌』 」幽默故事」的英語翻譯

humorous story就是指故事了
skit 一般是演出, 比如趙本山的短劇.

『玖』 英語幽默故事翻譯並解析

1）你說說看，那個胖女人為什麼這么快就逃出人群？ 不知道，也許是「胖者生存吧」 注意：這里是the survival of the fittest：適者生存--這個俗語的巧妙變形。把fittest變成fattest來造成笑果。 2）老母雞：我給你一個建議 小母雞：什麼建議？ 老母雞：要想保平安，一天一個蛋！ 3） A company is known by the men it keeps. 同樣是一句諺語的變形：A man is known by the company he keeps：觀其交友，知其為人。---這里可能是，將company意思轉成「公司」，看一家公司就看它的員工。 4）你這句有錯誤，最後" Long time no sea," the waitreess replied.--應該是the customer replied 您沒有吃魚？-侍者問道，是不是有什麼問題？ 顧客回答：這魚可好久都沒海了。。（也就是魚不新鮮了）---同樣是long time no see的變形。