初中英语笑话阅读理解
初中英语阅读理解与完形填空:九年级
九年级的英语阅读理解和完形填空对于考生来说有一定的难度，下面是我整理的关于初中九年级英语的阅读理解与完形填空的练习，大家一起来看一下吧!
第一篇：
Mr. Lee was in bed and was trying to go to sleep when he heard the bell ring. He turned on the light and looked at his clock. It was twelve o'clock. "Who can it be at this time of night?" He thought. He decided to go and find out. So he got of bed, put on his dressing gown (浴袍) and went to the door. When he opened the door, there was nobody there. "That is very strange." Then he went back to his bedroom, took off his dressing gown, got back into bed ,turned off the light and tried to go to sleep.
A few minutes later he heard the bell again. Mr. Lee jumped out of bed very quickly and rushed to the door. He opened it, but again he found no one there. He closed the door and tried not to feel angry. Then he saw a piece of paper on the floor. He picked it up. There were some words on it : "It is now after midnight(午夜), so it is April Fool's Day (禺人节) . April fool to you!"
"Oh , it was the English boy next door!" Mr. Lee exclaimed (惊叫) and almost smiled. He went back to bed and feel asleep at once. The bell did not ring again.
1. When did Mr. Lee go to bed?
He went to bed _______.
A. before twelve o'clock B. after twelve o'clock
C. when the bell rang D. when he saw the boy
2. Why did he rush to the door when he heard the bell ring the second time?
A. He wanted to open the door for the visitor
B. He wanted to find out who the visitor was.
C. He was afraid of the ring
D. He was waiting for someone.
3. From this passage, we learn that we can _______ on April Fool's Day.
A. say "Hello" to each other B. dance and sing at night
C. play jokes on each other D. send pressents to children
4. What did Mr. Lee think about the English boy?
He thought he _________.
A. was a good boy B. was friendly with him
C. shouldn't ring the bell at midnight D. did a dangerous thing just now
第二篇：
Babies love chocolate and sometimes they also eat the paper around it. My cat enjoys a meal of good, thick paper, old letters, for example. She does not like newspapers very much
Of course, the best paper comes from wood. Wood comes from trees, and trees are plants. Vegetables and fruit are plants, too, and we eat a lot of them. So can we also eat wood and paper?
Scientists say, "All food comes in some way from plants." Well, is that true? Animals eat grass and grow fat. Then we eat their meat. Little fish eat little sea-plants, then bigger fish swim along and eat the ……Chickens eat bits of grass and give us…… Think for a minute. What food does not come from plants in some way?
Scientists can do wonderful things with plants. They can make food just like meat and cheese. And they can make it without the help of animals. It is very good food, too. Now they have begun to say, "We make our paper from wood. We can also make food from wood. The next thing is not very difficult." What is the next thing? Perhaps it is-food from paper. Scientists say, "We can turn paper into food. It will be good, cheap food, too, cheaper than meat or fish or eggs."
So please keep your old books and letters. (Don't feed [喂] your cat.) One day, they will be on your plate, if what scientists say may come true.
1. The writer asks us to keep our old books and letters because _______.
A. they are useful for reading
B. They may be used to feed cats
C. We can make food from them soon
D. we can read them at breakfast
2. From the passage (段落)， we can infer(推断) that _______ do not come from plants in some way.
A. few kinds of food B. meat and fish
C. cheese and chicken D. wood and paper
第三篇：
Mr. Green was ill and went to the hospital. A doctor __1__ and said，“Well，Mr. Green，you are going to __2__ some injections，and you'll feel much better. A nurse will come __3__ give you the first one this evening，and then you’ll __4__ get another one tomorrow evening.” __5__ a young nurse came to Mr. Green's bed and said to him，“I am going to give you your __6__ injection now，Mr. Green. Where do you want it?”
The old man was __7__. He looked at the nurse for a __8__，then he said，“__9__ has ever let me choose that before. Are you really going to let me choose now?”
“Yes，Mr. Green，”the nurse answered. She was in a hurry. “Where do you want it?”
“Well，then，”the old man answered __10__ “I want it in your left arm，please.”
1. A. looked for him B. looked him over C. looked after him D. looked him up
2. A. get B. give C. make D. hold
3. A. so B. but C. or D. and
4. A. must B. can C. had better D. have to
5. A. In the morning B. In the afternoon C. In the end D. In the evening
6. A. first B. one C. two D. second
7. A. confident B. surprised C. full D. hungry
8. A. hour B. minutes C. year D. moment
9. A. Somebody B. Anybody C. Nobody D. people
10. A. with a smile B. in time C. in surprise D. with tears in his eyes
第四篇：
Do you know how to study __1__ and make your study more effective(有效的)?We all know that Chinese students usually study very hard for long__2__，This is very good ，but it doesn't__3__a lot ，for an effective student must have enough sleep，enough food and enough rest and __4__. Every day you need to go out for a walk or visit some friends or some nice places. It’s good for your__5__.
When you return __6__your studies，your mind will be refreshed(清醒)and you'll learn more__7__study better. Psychologists(心理学家)__8__ that learning takes place this way. Here take English learning __9__ an example. First you make a lot of progress and you feel happy. Then your language study seems __10__ the same. So you will think you’re learning __11_ and you may give up. This can last for days or even weeks， yet you __12__ give up， and at some point your language study will again take another big __13__. You'll see that you really have been learning all along. If you get enough sleep，food，rest and exercise，studying，English can be very effective and __14_ . Don’t give up along the way. Learn __15__ you are sure to get a good result(结果)。
1. A. well B. good C. better D. best
2. A. days B. time C. hours D. weeks
3. A. help B. give C. make D. take
4. A. exercise B. homework C. running D. clothes
5. A. health B. body C. study D. life
6. A. after B. for C. at D. to
7. A. yet B. and C. or D. but
8. A. have found B. have taught C. told D. said
9. A. with B. for C. as D. to
10. A. to have B. to make C. to take D. to stay
11. A. something B. anything C. nothing D. everything
12. A. mustn't B. couldn’t C. needn't D. may not
13. A. work B. jump C. walk D. result
14. A. hard B. common C. possible D. interesting
15. A. slowly B. fast C. quickly D. happily
>>>>>>参考答案与解析<<<<<<
第一篇：答案及解析
1.A.此题是一道细节题，文章第一自然段的前三个句子就告诉了此题的答案。
2.B.文中有这样的句子"Who can it be at this time of night?"，此句说明Mr. Lee 很想知道是谁在午夜时来敲门。
3.C.此题是一道常识题，因为大家都知道在愚人节这天，人们可相互开玩笑。
4.B.英国男孩和Mr. Lee开玩笑，说明他把Mr. Lee看成朋友，所以答案是B。
第二篇：答案及解析
1.C.本题是细节题，答案可在倒数第一自然段找到。
2.A.文中有这样的`句子"What food does not come from plants in some way?"。说明作者认为，不管是什么样的食物，几乎都来自"plants"，所以答案是A。
第三篇：答案及解析
这是一篇笑话，格林先生在医院看病时需要打点滴，当护士让他选择身体的一个部位时，他却借题发挥，选了护士的左臂。
1. B.look for sb/sth 意为“寻找……”;look after sb 意为“照料……”;look up sb意为“看望……”;而look over sb意为“检查某人”，最贴近文意，为正确选项。
2. A.医生要对格林先生进行注射，格林先生是动作的接受者，故应选get.
3. D.空白部分前面I come 和后面的give形成承接关系，所以应用 and连接。
4. D.must 不可以用于将来时，根据文章意思，应选have to.
5. D.与上文this evening相对应，In the evening应为正确选项。
6. A.one 填入空白部分显得画蛇添足，根据上下文这是第一次注射，应用first.
7. B.老人对护士的提问应感到surprised， 因为下文提到从来没人问过他这样的问题。
8. D.对护士的提问， 老人思考了一会儿， 故应选moment.
9. C.老人感到奇怪， 是因为没有人问过这样的问题， 故应选nobody.
10. A.老人想捉弄一下这个小护士。按常理， 应是带着微笑取笑她， 故应选with a smile.
第四篇：答案及解析
本文以学语言为例告诉我们学习应当劳逸结合，循序渐进。而不应该急于求成，半途而废。
1. C.这是总领本文的一句话，就是如何能够学的更好。另外根据and后面的more effective可知这里应选与之并列的比较级better，而不是原级well.
2. C.for a long time 表示很长一段时间，a不能省略。故只能选for long hours.
3. A.help a lot 这里指学习时间长并不会对学习结果有很大的帮助，也就是并不起决定作用。
4. A.对于一个学生来讲，不仅需要足够的睡眠、食物、休息， 还需要足够的身体锻炼。故选exercise.文章的倒数第二句有提示。
5. C.上面两句话都是对学习有益的一些事情。
6. D.“return to” 这里指返回到……， 也就是从上述的活动中返回到学习中。
7. B.表示并列。
8. A.首先根据从句是一般现在时可排除C、D两个选项，再根据文意，心理学家发现，可知选A.
9. C.“take sth as an example” 为固定词组，意为“以……为例”。
10. D.stay the same 表示“维持原样”， 也就是没有任何进步了。
11. C.根据第10题， 因为学习停滞不前，所以你就会觉得没学到什么东西。故选nothing.
12. C.mustn't表示禁止，语气最为强烈。needn’t表示没必要。couldn't和may not均表示猜测。
13. B.take another big jump 表示有大的飞跃或进展。
14. D.表示学习也会变得生动有趣。
15. A.learn slowly意为“慢慢学”，也就是说不要急于求成，应循序渐进。
;㈡ [初中生的英语小笑话短文]英语小短文
笑话是我们工作学习之余缓解压力、舒缓情绪的重要渠道。所以，在生活中我们多讲笑话哟!我整理了初中生的英语小笑话短文，欢迎阅读!
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇一
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live inthe United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he askedvarious members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The classwent very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that theywere engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me thekeys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought thatthe student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shruggedhis shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher'嫌衡歼s neck and kissed him on bothcheeks.
我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国拦孝生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子、书本、钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇二
When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I requiredmy students to attend the university theater's current proction and write a critique. Afterviewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought Iwas actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当芹冲时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇三
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison.
一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。
The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone whowould help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, ForHEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!
老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and g up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened andasking him what to do next.His son's reply was: Just plant your potatoes.
第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”
初中生的英语小笑话短文篇四
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoedown-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knowswhat's happening."Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door,his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
半夜两点，科尔肯太太确信听到客厅有贼，便对丈夫说：“别开灯，蹑手蹑脚下楼，别让贼发觉，悄悄靠近他。” 科尔肯先生披上外套，责无旁贷地去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口，他妻子又补充说：“回来时给我捎杯牛奶。”
㈢ 找英语笑话...稍微长一点的,带翻译的...
Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“Oh,”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working ring the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是汤姆五岁的生日，他从家衫饥人那里得到了很多不错的礼物，其中有一件礼物是一只漂亮的大鼓。
“这是谁给他的呢？”汤姆妈妈问道。
“哦。”爸爸说。
当然，汤姆非常喜欢这个大鼓。虽然他敲鼓的声音很难听，但妈妈却从不在意。汤姆爸爸因为白天工作，而且当爸爸回家时汤姆已经睡觉了，所以爸爸并没有听见过这些噪音。
但是，他们的一位邻居非常不高兴。几嫌塌唤天后的一个早上，当她又一次听到汤姆的噪音时，她带着锋利的小刀来到汤姆家：”嘿，汤姆，你知道吗你的鼓里有好东西，打开它，我们一起找找那好东西吧
如果我没有猜错的，这应该是初中生的阅读理解。孩子，翻译是帮你做了，你的题目也应该可以回答了芹凯。可是，知识总是自己拥有比较好。好好学习，天天向上吧。你会成功的。
㈣ 初中英语笑话短文大全
在人们的日常生活型消轮及交往当中，笑话无处不在。笑话是人类特有的能力和交际工具。我整理了初中英语笑话短文，欢迎阅读!
初中英语笑话短文：Marriage
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her hu *** and’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just lying there, the phone rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver.
Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation. “Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That soundsterrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye.” She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, “Who was that?” “Oh” she replies, “That was my hu *** and telling me all about the wonderful time he’卜信s having on his fishing trip with YOU!”
初中英语笑桥凯话短文：Playing Octopus
This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him."
Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments.
The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.
The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.
The bartender then walks into the back room and es back five minutes later with a set ofbagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.
After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "e on now! Play it!"
The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaidpajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"
初中英语笑话短文：Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him.
He is listening though."Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
初中英语笑话短文：Skunk
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
臭 鼬
“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察排程员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”
“弄一些面包屑，”排程员说，“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门开启。”
一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”排程员问。
“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”
㈤ 初中英语长笑话带翻译
初中英语长笑话带翻译
笑话是幽默的一种表现形式,通过阐述语用因素对英语笑话言语的作用机制,可以探索英语幽默话语的语用特征和动态运行模式,帮助人们从认知角度和心理推理机制上更好地了解笑话幽默的产生方式。我精心收集了初中英语小笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!
初中英语小笑话带翻译篇1
The Los Angeles Police Department,the FBI,and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are thebest at apprehending criminals.
洛杉矶警察局、联邦调查局和中央情报局，都想要证明他们最会逮捕罪犯。
The President decides to give them a test.
于是总统决定要考考他们。
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
他把一只兔子放进森林，而他们每一个人都必须去抓它。
The CIA goes in.
中央情报局的人进去了。
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
他们在整个森林里放置了动物通报器。
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
他们质问所有的 植物和矿物证人。
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
就在三个月的密集调查之后，他们得到的结论就是兔子不存在。
The FBI goes in.After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest ,
联邦调查局韵人进去了。就在两个星期都没有线索之后，
killing everything in it,including the rabbit,and they make no apologies.
他们放火把森林烧了，杀光了里面的一切，包括这只，兔子在内 ，而且他们并没有表现出歉意。
The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a baddly beaten bear.
洛杉矾警察局的人进去了。两个小时之后，他们带着一只惨遭严重殴打的'熊出来。
The bear is yelling;"Ok!I am a rabbit!I'm a rabbit!"
这只熊大声地喊着说：“好啦!好啦!我是兔子啦!我是兔子啦!”
初中英语小笑话带翻译篇2
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter.
有一名男子走近一家熟食店，在吃午餐的柜台旁选了一个位置。
"Give me corned beef sandwich,"he ordered.
他点餐时说：“给我来个腌牛肉三明治。”
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu,but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it,like our midnight Special."
"菜单上没有腌牛肉三 明治，但是我可以给你一个里面有腌牛肉的三明治，像是我们的午夜特餐。”
"What's a Midnight Special?"
“午夜特餐是什么?”
"A triple decker with corned beef,tongue,bologna,tomato,lettuce,onion,pockle andmayonnaise,on toasted raisin bread."
“有三层，里面是腌牛肉、牛舌、熏香肠、蕃茄、莴苣、 洋葱、腌泡菜，还有美乃滋的三层烤葡萄干面包。…
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it tome on a plate?"
"你可不可以在两片白面包中间只放一片腌牛肉，装在一个盘子上端给我吃?”
"Why,sure!"Then,turning to the sandwich man ,
“哦，当然可以。啦!”接着他就转向制作三明治的人，
he sang out:"One Midnighet Special.Make it one deck,hold thetongue,bolgna,tomato,lettuce,onion,pickle and mayonnaise,and make the raisin breadwhite,untoasted!"
大声喊出：“一个午夜特餐。把它做一层就好，里面不要加牛着、熏香肠、蕃茄、莴苣、洋葱、腌泡菜和美乃滋，把葡萄干面包做成白面包，不要烤!”
;㈥ 初中英语笑话故事
初中英语笑话故事大全
笑一笑，十年少，我为大家整理了初中英语笑话故事大全,希望大家能展颜一笑,记得每天都要开心饥橘一刻哦!嘻嘻!
初中英语笑话故事篇一：
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’烂扰团s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的李丛事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"
初中英语笑话故事篇二：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?
Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.
She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”
But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”
Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，
then green again，but her car did not start.
“What am I going to do now?” She said.
But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”
格林太太八十岁了。她有一辆小型轿车，每逢星期六她总是开着这辆车去购买食品。
因为年纪大了，格林太太车子开得不快，不过她开车技术很高，从来没有出过事。有时她的孙子孙女们对她说：“奶奶，您别开车了，我们可以送您去商店。”
但她总是说：“不，我喜欢开车。我已经开了五十年了，现在还不想撒手。”
上星期六，她看见交通灯是红色就刹住了车。后来车子熄火了。交通灯由绿色转为黄色，然后转为红色，又转变为绿色，可她的车子还是发动不起来。
“现在我该怎么办呢?”她说。
这时一位警察走过来，和气地对她说：“早上好，今天交通灯的颜色没有一样您喜欢吗?”
初中英语笑话故事篇三：
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, e to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
一个男人在热气球上，发现自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一个妇女。他又下降了一点，大声呼喊,"打扰下，你能帮个忙吗，一个小时以前我答应了一个朋友要和他见面，但现在我不知道我身处何地。”
妇女在下面回答，“你在一个热气球里，大约离地面三十英尺。你在北纬40-41度之间，西经59-60度之间。”
“你必定是个工程设计师，”气球上的男人说。
“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的?”
“是这样，”气球上的男人说“你告诉我的事在技术上都是正确的，但是我无法理解你的看法，事实是我依旧迷失。坦白说，到目前为止你没帮上我多少。”
下面的妇女回应道，“你一定是在管理部门工作。”
“我是，”气球上的`男人回答，“这你是怎么知道的?”
“是啊，”妇女说，“你总是不知道你在哪里，也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升，是由于大量的热气。你对别人许下的承诺，你不知道如何履行，而且你还期望在你下面的人会解决你的问题。事实就是在我们见面之前，我们都在完全相同的立场上，可现在，不知怎么地，却成了我的错了。”
初中英语笑话故事篇四：Meet My Mistress
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
;㈦ 初中英语幽默小故事笑话
初中英语幽默小故事笑话
从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面我为大家带来初中英语幽默小故事精选，欢迎大家阅读!
初中英语幽默小故事精选1：一个更好的邮递员
I worked as a mailman for a short time. However, I am afraid of dogs and I had a lot of trouble.
One day I tried to deliver some letters to a big house. I started to open the gate and all of a sudden a huge dog ran towards me.It growled and barked at me, I threw the letters over the fence. The dog picked them up and carried them into the house. The dog was a better mailman than I was!
我当过很短时间的邮递员。然而，我害怕狗，而且也有过不少麻烦。
有一天，我设法到一座大房子去递送几封信。我开始打开门，这时，突然一只很大的狗朝我跑来。它朝我嚎叫、咆哮着，因此我把信件扔在了栅栏上。那只狗拾起那些信件，把信件带进了大房子。比起我来讲，那只狗是个更好的邮递员。
初中英语幽默小故事 精选 2：广告的威力
Some businessmen were talking about advertising on tv excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view。
At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement。
"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked。
"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked。
"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."
"Did you get the dog back?"
"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."
一群商人正热烈地讨论在电视上做广告。他们中没有人做过，所以每个人都有自己的想法。
此时，格雷先生进来了。格雷是一个汽车经销商，他曾经做过一次广告。
“你们在讨论什么?”格雷先生问。
“广告有用不?”其中一位商人问。
“噢，有用，而且见效非常快。”格雷先生说，“我曾经发布了一条广告，要花100美金寻找一条丢失的看门狗。”
“你的狗找到了吗?”
“没，但是那个晚上我的三辆车被偷走了。”
初中英语幽默小故事 精选 3：做自己不喜欢的'事情
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry,honked his horn.
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, "I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by.
"What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
一位农民和他的儿子坐着马车来到一条狭窄的小巷， 他们看到一个司机正往他们这个方向开来。两个方向2英里以内已经没有空间让他们擦身而过了。司机焦急地按着喇叭。
“假如你不往后退，”农民撸着袖子说，“我并不喜欢我将要必须去做的事。”司机甚是惊讶，挂了倒挡，退后了2英里，让马车先过去了。
“刚才你说你并不喜欢做的事是什么啊?”农民的儿子问。
“退后2英里。”农民回答。
;㈧ 初中英语短文演讲带翻译笑话_英语美文欣赏
笑话是民族文化不可或余野缺的一部分。下面是我带来的初中英语衡塌短文演讲带翻译笑话，欢迎阅读!
初中英语短文演讲带翻译笑话精选
he Mistaken Father
The morning following the birth of our first child, my hu *** and was mistakenly directed to the room of another new mother on the maternity floor. As he walked into the room, he bent over the nap- ping mother, whose back was turned to him, and gave her a big kiss. The woman was startled to see a stranger. But before she could say anything, my hu *** and *** iled and said, "I didn't know having a baby would change you this much!"
Notes:
1 mistaken adj.弄错了的 4 nap v.小睡;打盹
2 direct v.批示方向;指点 5 startle v.使惊奇
3 maternity n.医院产科病房
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案：
① When did the hu *** and go to see his wife?
A. in the morning
B. at noon
C. in the afternoon
D. at night
② Why did the hu *** and enter the room of another new mother ?
A. Because he had a bad memory.
B. Because he was misguided by the nurse.
C. Because he was mistakenly directed.
D. The new other needed help.
③ What was the other new mother doing?
A. She was crying out for help.
B. She was lying in bed, awake.
C. She was having asleep.
D. She was chatting with the man's wife.
④ What did the hu *** and do to the other new mother?
A. He *** iled at her and then went out.
B. He bent over and kissed her.
C. He helped the woman to get up.
D. He sent her a bunch of flower.
⑤ How did the hu *** and handle the incident?
A. He ran out quickly.
B. He felt ashamed.
C. He was very angry with the woman.
D. He left the mistake uncorrected and made the best of it.
55.糊涂父亲
我们孩子出世的那天早晨，我丈夫由于受误导跑到了产科病区的另一位产妇那里。他弯下腰，给了那位正背对着他小睡的产妇一个长吻。那位产妇发现是位陌生人，惊跳起来咐毁圆。但她还没来得及张口，我丈夫便微笑着说：“真想不到生个孩子能使你变化如此之大!”
练习参考答案：
①A②C③C④B⑤D
初中英语短文演讲带翻译笑话阅读
This Hole in the Ground
There was once a farmer who lived near a road.
It was not a busy road, but from time to time, cars passed the farm.
Near the farm gate, there was a large hole in the road.
This hole was always full of water, and the drivers of the cars could not see how deep the hole was. They thought it was probably shallow.
Then when they drove into the hole, they could not drive out because it was so deep .
The farmer did not spend much time working on his farm. He spent most of it watching the hole.
When a car drove into it, he pulled the car out with his tractor and charged the driver a lot of money for doing this.
One day, the driver of a car said to him, "You must make a lot of money pulling cars out of this hole night and day."
"Oh, no, " the farmer said." I don' t pull cars out of the hole at night. At night I fill the hole with water."
Notes:
1 from time to time偶尔
2 tractor n. 拖拉机
3 charge v.收费;要价
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案：
① Where did the farmer live?
A. near a road
B. in a hole in the road
C. in a large cu
D. under a tractor
② Many mm went into the hole because the drivers_____ .
A. were going too fast to stop
B. did not see the hole
C. did not know the hole was very deep
D. liked driving through water
③ What did the farmer all day?
A. pulled mm out of the hole in the road
B. filled the hole with water
C. laughed at the drivers of the cars
D. worked on his farm
④ How did the farmer make money?
A. from growing things
B. from selling water
C. from pulling cars out of the hole
D. from filling the hole with water
⑤ What did the farmer do at night?
A. He pulled cars out of the hole.
B. He sat there watching the hole.
C. He filled the hole with water.
D. He g the hole deeper and deeper.
56.地坑
从前，有个农夫住在马路边上。
这不是个繁忙的路段，偶尔有汽车从农场路过。
就在农场大门的旁边，路当中有个大坑。
坑里总是充满了水，汽车司机根本看不出坑有多深。他们会以为很浅。
司机们一旦把车开进坑里，就别想再开出来，因为坑太深了。
农夫也不怎么在农场里干活，大部分时间他都在注视著这个坑。
当一个汽车开进坑里，他就用他的拖拉机把它拉上来，然后为此向司机索要很多钱。
一天，一位汽车司机对他说：“你日日夜夜把汽车往外拉，肯定挣了很多钱。”
“哦，不，”农夫说，“我夜里不干这活儿，夜里我得朝这坑里注水。”
练习参考答案：
①A②C③A④C⑤C
初中英语短文演讲带翻译笑话学习
A Prospective Horse Buyer
Then there was the preacher who decided to sell his horse. A prospective buyer was impressed with the animal, but the preacher said, " I must warn you-he only responds to 'church talk'. Go is 'Praise the Lord', and stop is 'Hallelujah"'.
"I've worked with horses all my life," said the buyer, "and I've never heard of anything like this." Mounting the horse, he said skeptically, " Praise the Lord." The horse began to trot. He repeated "Praise the Lord" and the horse broke into a gallop. Suddenly the buyer saw a cliff dead ahead. Frantic, he yelled "Hallelujah", and they came to a stop a foot from the edge.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the buyer said, "Praise the Lord!"
Notes:
1 prospective adj.预期的;可能的
2 preacher n.传教者
3 impress v.给予强烈影响;留下深刻印象
4 respond v.有反应
5 Praise the Lord感谢上帝
6 Hallelujah哈里路亚赞美上帝之语
7 skeptically adv.怀疑地
8 trot v.小跑
9 gallop n.疾驰;飞奔
10 dead adv.完全地;绝对地
11 dead ahead正前方
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正T、F：
① The preacher decided to sell his horse to buy another.
② The buyer liked the horse at his first glance.
③ The buyer didn't believe what the preacher had said.
④ Suddenly the buyer saw a deep river ahead.
⑤ The buyer shouldn't have said "Praise the Lord" when they came to a stop at the edge of the cliff.
57.欲买马之人
传教士决定卖掉他的马。一位欲买马之人看中了这匹马，但传教士说：“我必须警告你----他只懂‘教堂语言’。走是‘感谢上帝’，停是‘哈里路亚’。”
“我一生都在同马打交道，”买马之人说，“这样的事我还是头一次听到。”他跨上马，将信将疑地说：“感谢上帝。”马开始小跑。他重复说“感谢上帝”，马开始飞奔起来。突然买马者看到前面是一个悬崖。他吓坏了，匆忙喊道：“哈里路亚。”他们在离悬崖只有一英尺的地方停了下来。
买马之人擦了擦额头上的汗珠，说道：“感谢上帝!”
练习参考答案：
①F②T③T④F⑤T
㈨ 初二英语笑话带翻译精选
“笑话诗”虽有别于中国传统的古典诗词,但作为白话诗的一种,其尚“趣”的特质,在中国诗歌史上别开生面。下面是我带来的初二英语笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!
Do Me a Favor
The mechanic was very busy when I took my car in for repairs, so I settled down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought along. The mechanic was in and out answering calls, and at one point he stopped and looked at me . "Would you do me a favor and flip back a few pages when someone es in? That way it won't look as if you've been here all day."
Notes:
1 mechanic n.汽车修理师
2 settle down安适地坐下或躺
3 do *** a favor帮助某人
4 flip v.以指捻
Exercises:
根据短文填空
① The mechanic was very busy when I took my car ______ repairs.
② So I______ down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought_____ .
③ The mechanic was ______ and ______answering calls.
④ Would you do me a favor and ______back a few pages when someone es ______?
⑤ That way it won't look_____ _____ you've been here all day.
腊颂49.请帮个余伍忙
我把车拖去修理，机械师很忙。所以我就坐在接待室，拿出我随身带来的书读，机械师出出进进地打招呼。有一次，他停下来看我说：“你能帮我个忙吗?有人进来时，把书翻回几页行吗?那样的话，就不会看上去你在这儿呆了一整天了。”
竖局或练习参考答案：
① in; for ② settled; along ③ in ; out ④ flip in ⑤ as; if
初二英语笑话带翻译阅读
Point of No Return
My hu *** and ordered home delivery of our local newspaper. Because we live in rural area where no street numbers are used, I was concerned that the carrier would have trouble finding us. Sure enough, we missed delivery several days despite frequent calls to the circulation department. Finally I phoned to cancel the subscription. "You'll have to tell me your exact location," the woman on the line said. "We can't cancel the subscription unless we know where you live.
Notes:
1 delivery n.递送
2 rural area乡村
3 concerned adj.焦虑的;担心的
4 have trouble doing sth做某事有麻烦
5 despite prep.不管;不顾
6 frequent adj.时常发生的;惯常的
7 circulation n.发行
8 subscription n.订阅
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案：
① Where did the family live?
A. in the countryside
B. in the suburbs
C. in the urban area
D. near the circulation department of the local newspaper
② What was the wife worried about?
A. She was worried about the quality of the newspaper.
B. She was worried that the carrier would deliver their newspaper to someone else.
C. She was worried that the carrier would find difficulty in finding them.
D. She was worried that the newspaper might not be interesting enough.
③ What happened to them after their ordering?
A. They got the newspaper.
B. The newspaper was cancelled.
C. The circulation department refused to deliver the newspaper to them.
D. For several days they missed delivery.
④ What did they finally decide to do?
A. They decided to cancel the subscription.
B. They decided to cancel the newspaper.
C. They decided to punish the carrier.
D. They decided to take it to court.
⑤ What was the result?
A. The circulation department promised that they would get their delivery in time.
B. The carrier was punished.
C. They could neither get their delivery nor cancel their subscription.
D. The newspaper was cancelled.
50.有去无回
我丈夫预订了当地报纸的户送。因为我们住在乡下，没有街道号码，所以我担心送报员不易找到我们。果真如此，一连几天都没有报纸送来，尽管我们频繁地往发行部打电话询问。最后我打电话取消订阅协议。“您得告诉我们您的准确位置，”电话中女子说，“除非我们知道您住在哪里，否则我们不能取消订阅协议。”
练习参考答案：
①A②C③D④A⑤C
初二英语笑话带翻译学习
The Story of a Snail
When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle. Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.
"I really can't remember," the snail replied. "You see, it all happened so fast."
Notes:
1 snail n.蜗牛
2 run over碾过在地上的某人或某物
3 regain v.恢复
4 consciousness n.知觉
5 emergency n.紧急事件;紧急情况
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题：
① What did the snail do one day?
② What happened to him ?
③ Where did he regain consciousness?
④ Could he till remember what caused the accident?
51.蜗牛的故事
一个蜗牛过马路，被一个乌龟从身上碾过。在急救室里它恢复了知觉，有的人问它事故是怎样发生的。
“我记不起来了，”蜗牛回答说，“你瞧，一切发生得都太快了。”
练习参考答案：
① He crossed the road.
② He was run over by a turtle.
③ In the emergency room.
④ No, he couldn't.
㈩ 适合初中生的英语小笑话，简单的，带意思，紧急！！！！
1.Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"
"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."
Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？”
“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了开心而已。”
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁玩的更开心呢？”
2.A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。”
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明的儿子说，“里面装点东西，就会好的。”
3.A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。
母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”
露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”
系统居然怀疑我灌水，我身边又没有水龙头.