幽默故事英語閱讀理解
㈠ 英語幽默小故事 英語幽默小故事及翻譯
1、英語幽默小故事：Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
幽默故事翻譯：中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」
中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。
2、英語幽默小故事：Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, I『m going abroad tomorrow, but I『d be very happy if we could write to each other. Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, I『ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.
Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here, the matron said.
Oh, that『s all right, answered Joan. I『m his sister.
I『m very pleased to meet you, the matron said, I『m his mother!
幽默故事翻譯：
在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，「我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。」瓊同意了，於是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
後來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。
瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，「我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。」
「這里只有親屬可以探望病人。」護士長說。
「噢，是的，」瓊說，「我是他的妹妹。」
「很高興認識你，」護士長說，「我是他的母親。」
㈡ 英語幽默故事帶翻譯
英語幽默故事帶翻譯
英語幽默故事帶翻譯一：
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?" "No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.
一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都做對了，怎麼回事?你爸爸幫你做了嗎?" "不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
英語幽默故事帶翻譯二：
Fishing Larry and Harry drove 500 miles to go fishing. They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin, a similar about to rent a boat. They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them. On the way home, Harry fiddled with a calculator while Larry drove. After an hour, Harry said, "Do you realize that this one fish we caught cost us almost $2,000?" "Wow!" Larry said, "It's a good thing we didn't catch any more."
拉里和哈里驅車500英里去釣魚。兩人花了一大筆錢租了一間小屋，又花了差不多同樣的錢租了一條船。兩人釣了三天，只釣到一條魚。 在回家的路上，拉里開車，哈里撥弄著計算器。一小時後，哈里說：“你可知道我們釣的`這條魚幾乎用掉我們2000美元?” “哇!”拉里應答：“幸虧我們沒有多釣到魚。”
英語幽默故事帶翻譯三：
Letter of Recommendation When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter the next day. The following morning, Peters found a letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for 11 years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."
彼得斯聽說自己被解僱了，便去見人力資源部的頭頭。“既然我在公司幹了這么久，”他說，“我想至少該給我一封推薦信。” 人力資源部主任同意了，並說他第二天就可拿到該信。第二天早上，彼得斯在他的桌子上看 一封信，上面寫道：“喬納森•彼得斯在我們公司幹了11年。當他離去的時候，我們很滿意。”
;㈢ 幽默故事類英語閱讀理解
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.""Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?""They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once."Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，並對他說：「喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得判畢像一個紳士那樣。」迪克問：「像一個差沖紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？」他姨媽馬上回答說：「紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。」迪克說了一聲「噢」。他對此想了一會，然後，他虛沖殲把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：「凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。」
㈣ 英語幽默小故事5篇
英語 故事 會出現學生認識或是不認識的單詞，而這個單詞的重復不斷出現，會加深同學們對單詞的記憶。這種記憶不是死記硬背，而是在潛移默化中，讓學生記住。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
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英語幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
別撿地上的錢
一位經濟學教授和一名學生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學生走過去准備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。
「為什麼不撿?」
「假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了。」
「該發明的都已經被發明出來了。」
英語幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知識越少掙錢越多
定理：工程師和科學家永遠應當比經濟專家掙錢少。
下面是對該定理的一個嚴格的數學證明：
假設一：知識就是力量(Power)。
假設二：時間就是金錢。
每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識= 。求解金錢表達式，我們得到：金錢= 。
因此，當知識趨於零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨於無窮大。
結論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。
英語幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他們本該在晚上打球
神父、心理學家和經濟學家三人結伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲後朝他們走了過來。他 自我介紹 說是前面那組球手們的助手，因為那組球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們三位耐心等待。神父聽後忙說：「哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!」心理學家也趕緊說：「我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!」這時只聽經濟學家說：「哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的。」
英語幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.「Flight 354，「said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.「The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.」The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調整其正常接收頻率。"354航班，」指揮塔在呼叫，「請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯系。」這一指令重復了幾次之後，竟沒得到任何迴音。最後，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:"354航班，西蒙說速與135. 5預率聯系。」這一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答並迅速服從了指揮。」
英語幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司機都能回答那個問題
一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學展開一系列講座。為了完成這項任務，他租了一輛車並雇了一名司機載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機對這位經濟學家說：「我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了。」經濟學家覺得這個想法很有趣，於是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。
司機完美無瑕地完成了演講。可是當講座結束後，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術含量相當高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機沉思了一會，回答道：「這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機都能回答。」
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1）你說說看，那個胖女人為什麼這么快就逃出人群？ 不知道，也許是「胖者生存吧」 注意：這里是the survival of the fittest：適者生存--這個俗語的巧妙變形。把fittest變成fattest來造成笑果。 2）老母雞：我給你一個建議 小母雞：什麼建議？ 老母雞：要想保平安，一天一個蛋！ 3） A company is known by the men it keeps. 同樣是一句諺語的變形：A man is known by the company he keeps：觀其交友，知其為人。---這里可能是，將company意思轉成「公司」，看一家公司就看它的員工。 4）你這句有錯誤，最後" Long time no sea," the waitreess replied.--應該是the customer replied 您沒有吃魚？-侍者問道，是不是有什麼問題？ 顧客回答：這魚可好久都沒海了。。（也就是魚不新鮮了）---同樣是long time no see的變形。
㈥ 英語幽默小故事7篇
若是你在 學習英語 的過程中感到很枯燥，不妨來讀一些英語幽默小 故事 放鬆放鬆。英語幽默故事簡短，內容詼諧幽默，情節生動有趣，相信在你在閱讀的同時也可以一起學習英語哦。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
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英語幽默小故事1
My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.
我丈夫，麥克是個開大巴士的。一次當他剛要開過一個無人上下車的車站時，一位乘客喊過有位老婦人要上車。麥克把車停靠在馬路邊，打開了車門。
After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.
過了足有一分鍾，麥克才見到一位老太太拄著拐杖，慢騰騰地過著馬路朝車子走來。
He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.
麥克襯心地等她來到汽車旁上著台階。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.」Wait a minute!」she snapped."My mother's coming.」
趁老太太打開錢包找月票的工夫，麥克欲關門，老婦人阻止道:「等一會，我媽媽還在後面呢!」
英語幽默小故事2
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie應邀來到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie發現，不管問他老婆什麼問題，Morris總要在每句話的前面加上一些親密的稱呼，象蜜糖，我的愛人，親愛的，甜心等等。Bernie對Morris說，「你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那麼親密。」Morris低下頭，小聲地對Bernie說，「老實跟你說吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什麼了。」
英語幽默小故事3
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
兩個男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一隻老虎出現在遠處，向他們沖來。 其中的一個人從包里拿出一雙「耐克」鞋，開始穿上。另一個人驚奇地看著他說，「你以為穿上這個就可以跑得過老虎嗎?」 他的朋友回答道：「我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。」
英語幽默小故事4
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
一個女孩去 拜訪 她的金發朋友，這個朋友最近養了兩只「狗」，於是女孩問道：「它們叫什麼名字呀?」
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
金發朋友說，一隻叫Rolex，另一隻叫Timex。
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?
女孩說：「哪有狗狗叫這個名字的。」
"HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
「那個……」金發朋友說。「他們是監視器!」
英語幽默小故事5
Too Much Pressure
For a couple years I』ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I』m tired because I』m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you』re sitting at the table reading jokes.
壓力太大
多年以來我一直感到很疲憊，我曾經把原因歸咎為缺乏睡眠以及來自於工作上的巨大壓力。但是，我現在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因為我超負荷工作。我們這個國家有2.37億人口。其中1.04億已經退休了。還剩下1.33億在工作。有8，500萬人還在上學，工作的就剩下4，800萬。這其中還有2，900萬聯邦政府雇員，真正做事的就剩1，900萬人，又有280萬人在服兵役，就剩下1，620萬人在工作。從中再去掉各州和市政府的雇員1，480萬人，還剩下140萬人工作。但又有18.8萬人生病住院，現在只剩下121.2萬人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。這樣僅剩下兩個人在工作，就是你和我。而你卻坐在桌邊看笑話。
英語幽默小故事6
Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics
Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
Economists can supply it on demand .
You can talk about money without ever having to make any.
You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face .
Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out .
When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
學習經濟學的九大理由
經濟學家們會武功：「小心我們的無影手。」
經濟學家們能夠做到有求必應。
你可以不必掙錢而對金錢誇誇其談。
你可以開始拉著臉說「涓滴」這一術語了。
米克·賈格爾和阿諾德·施瓦辛格兩人都學過經濟學，看看他們後來都成為了什麼樣的人物。
站在失業隊伍里的時候，至少你會知道自己為什麼失業。
假如重新安排「經濟學」這個詞包含的字母，你得到的是「小丑的鼻子」。
倫理學教導我們堅守德行本身即是回報，在經濟學中我們得到的教導則是獲得回報本身即是德行。
喝醉了的時候，你可以告訴所有人你只是在體驗邊際效用遞減規律而已。
英語幽默小故事7
Nobel Prize in Economics
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things. Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.
(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)
諾貝爾經濟學獎
兩個持完全不同觀點的人都能夠獲得諾貝爾獎，這種情況只有在經濟學領域才會發生。
或者兩個持完全不同觀點的人能夠分享諾貝爾獎，這種情況也只有在經濟學領域才會發生。具體而言，繆爾達爾和哈耶克就是如此。
(有傳言稱在神經科學領域也有類似情形，比如戈爾吉和卡哈爾，所以經濟學家也許並非那麼另類。)
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