適合初中生閱讀的英語笑話

Ⅰ 初二英語笑話帶翻譯精選

「笑話詩」雖有別於中國傳統的古典詩詞,但作為白話詩的一種,其尚「趣」的特質,在中國詩歌史上別開生面。下面是我帶來的初二英語笑話帶翻譯，歡迎閱讀!

Do Me a Favor

The mechanic was very busy when I took my car in for repairs, so I settled down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought along. The mechanic was in and out answering calls, and at one point he stopped and looked at me . "Would you do me a favor and flip back a few pages when someone es in? That way it won't look as if you've been here all day."

Notes:

1 mechanic n.汽車修理師

2 settle down安適地坐下或躺

3 do *** a favor幫助某人

4 flip v.以指捻

Exercises:

根據短文填空

① The mechanic was very busy when I took my car ______ repairs.

② So I______ down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought_____ .

③ The mechanic was ______ and ______answering calls.

④ Would you do me a favor and ______back a few pages when someone es ______?

⑤ That way it won't look_____ _____ you've been here all day.

臘頌49.請幫個余伍忙

我把車拖去修理，機械師很忙。所以我就坐在接待室，拿出我隨身帶來的書讀，機械師出出進進地打招呼。有一次，他停下來看我說：「你能幫我個忙嗎?有人進來時，把書翻回幾頁行嗎?那樣的話，就不會看上去你在這兒呆了一整天了。」

豎局或練習參考答案：

① in; for ② settled; along ③ in ; out ④ flip in ⑤ as; if
初二英語笑話帶翻譯閱讀
Point of No Return

My hu *** and ordered home delivery of our local newspaper. Because we live in rural area where no street numbers are used, I was concerned that the carrier would have trouble finding us. Sure enough, we missed delivery several days despite frequent calls to the circulation department. Finally I phoned to cancel the subscription. "You'll have to tell me your exact location," the woman on the line said. "We can't cancel the subscription unless we know where you live.

Notes:

1 delivery n.遞送

2 rural area鄉村

3 concerned adj.焦慮的;擔心的

4 have trouble doing sth做某事有麻煩

5 despite prep.不管;不顧

6 frequent adj.時常發生的;慣常的

7 circulation n.發行

8 subscription n.訂閱

Exercises:

根據短文選擇正確答案：

① Where did the family live?

A. in the countryside

B. in the suburbs

C. in the urban area

D. near the circulation department of the local newspaper

② What was the wife worried about?

A. She was worried about the quality of the newspaper.

B. She was worried that the carrier would deliver their newspaper to someone else.

C. She was worried that the carrier would find difficulty in finding them.

D. She was worried that the newspaper might not be interesting enough.

③ What happened to them after their ordering?

A. They got the newspaper.

B. The newspaper was cancelled.

C. The circulation department refused to deliver the newspaper to them.

D. For several days they missed delivery.

④ What did they finally decide to do?

A. They decided to cancel the subscription.

B. They decided to cancel the newspaper.

C. They decided to punish the carrier.

D. They decided to take it to court.

⑤ What was the result?

A. The circulation department promised that they would get their delivery in time.

B. The carrier was punished.

C. They could neither get their delivery nor cancel their subscription.

D. The newspaper was cancelled.

50.有去無回

我丈夫預訂了當地報紙的戶送。因為我們住在鄉下，沒有街道號碼，所以我擔心送報員不易找到我們。果真如此，一連幾天都沒有報紙送來，盡管我們頻繁地往發行部打電話詢問。最後我打電話取消訂閱協議。「您得告訴我們您的准確位置，」電話中女子說，「除非我們知道您住在哪裡，否則我們不能取消訂閱協議。」

練習參考答案：

①A②C③D④A⑤C
初二英語笑話帶翻譯學習
The Story of a Snail

When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle. Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.

"I really can't remember," the snail replied. "You see, it all happened so fast."

Notes:

1 snail n.蝸牛

2 run over碾過在地上的某人或某物

3 regain v.恢復

4 consciousness n.知覺

5 emergency n.緊急事件;緊急情況

Exercises:

根據短文回答下列問題：

① What did the snail do one day?

② What happened to him ?

③ Where did he regain consciousness?

④ Could he till remember what caused the accident?

51.蝸牛的故事

一個蝸牛過馬路，被一個烏龜從身上碾過。在急救室里它恢復了知覺，有的人問它事故是怎樣發生的。

「我記不起來了，」蝸牛回答說，「你瞧，一切發生得都太快了。」

練習參考答案：

① He crossed the road.

② He was run over by a turtle.

③ In the emergency room.

④ No, he couldn't.

Ⅱ 初中英語笑話故事

初中英語笑話故事大全

笑一笑，十年少，我為大家整理了初中英語笑話故事大全,希望大家能展顏一笑,記得每天都要開心飢橘一刻哦!嘻嘻!

初中英語笑話故事篇一：

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’爛擾團s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人還有布希總統走在大街上看到一盞金色的燈.他們擦了擦燈出現了一個精靈.精靈說:"我要滿足你們每人一個願望總共三個."加拿大人說:"我是個父親我兒子將成為農夫,因此我想讓加拿大的土地永遠肥沃."精靈說了咒語願望實現了.拉登看了很驚奇,他希望有座城牆圍繞阿富汗.精靈又說了咒語願望又實現了.布希總統問:"精靈請告訴我關於這座牆的李叢事情."精靈回答:"牆厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而裡面的任何東西出不來外面的任何東西進不去."布希總統說:"哇!那是座大橋耶...注滿水!!!"

初中英語笑話故事篇二：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?

Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.

She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”

But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”

Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，

then green again，but her car did not start.

“What am I going to do now?” She said.

But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”

格林太太八十歲了。她有一輛小型轎車，每逢星期六她總是開著這輛車去購買食品。

因為年紀大了，格林太太車子開得不快，不過她開車技術很高，從來沒有出過事。有時她的孫子孫女們對她說：“奶奶，您別開車了，我們可以送您去商店。”

但她總是說：“不，我喜歡開車。我已經開了五十年了，現在還不想撒手。”

上星期六，她看見交通燈是紅色就剎住了車。後來車子熄火了。交通燈由綠色轉為黃色，然後轉為紅色，又轉變為綠色，可她的車子還是發動不起來。

“現在我該怎麼辦呢?”她說。

這時一位警察走過來，和氣地對她說：“早上好，今天交通燈的顏色沒有一樣您喜歡嗎?”

初中英語笑話故事篇三：

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, e to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

一個男人在熱氣球上，發現自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一個婦女。他又下降了一點，大聲呼喊,"打擾下，你能幫個忙嗎，一個小時以前我答應了一個朋友要和他見面，但現在我不知道我身處何地。”

婦女在下面回答，“你在一個熱氣球里，大約離地面三十英尺。你在北緯40-41度之間，西經59-60度之間。”

“你必定是個工程設計師，”氣球上的男人說。

“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎麼知道的?”

“是這樣，”氣球上的男人說“你告訴我的事在技術上都是正確的，但是我無法理解你的看法，事實是我依舊迷失。坦白說，到目前為止你沒幫上我多少。”

下面的婦女回應道，“你一定是在管理部門工作。”

“我是，”氣球上的`男人回答，“這你是怎麼知道的?”

“是啊，”婦女說，“你總是不知道你在哪裡，也不知道你要去哪裡。你的上升，是由於大量的熱氣。你對別人許下的承諾，你不知道如何履行，而且你還期望在你下面的人會解決你的問題。事實就是在我們見面之前，我們都在完全相同的立場上，可現在，不知怎麼地，卻成了我的錯了。”

初中英語笑話故事篇四：Meet My Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

;

Ⅲ 初二英語笑話帶翻譯

初二英語笑話帶翻譯

初二英語笑話帶翻譯一：

Perfect Match

A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. "Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"

"Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase."

絕 配

一位富婆為擁有一隻珍貴的古玩而深感驕傲，以至於她竟要把卧室碼前漆成與花瓶同樣的顏色。幾名油漆匠試圖調出這個底色，但是誰也沒有能令那位怪癖的婦女滿意。

最後來了位油漆匠。他非常自信能調出那種顏色。那婦女對他的成果非常滿意，油漆匠於是一舉成名。

多年以後，他退休了，生意也交給兒子。“爸，”兒子說，“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎樣使牆的顏色與花瓶配得那麼絕的?”

“兒子，”父親回答說，“我漆了花瓶。”

初二英語笑話帶翻譯二：

Three doctors arrived in heaven. St. Peter asked them why they should be let into heaven.

The first doctor said,″Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for my work.″ St. Peter let him in.

The second doctor said, ″I haven't won any prizes, but I've started free clinics and helped those in need forfree.″ St. Peter let him in.

The third doctor said, ″I'm responsible for all the hospitals across the United States.″

St. Peter thought about it for a minute and said, ″遲敗清OK,I'll let you in, but you will be responsible for your safety!″

3位醫生到了天堂。聖彼得問他們，為什麼他們能進入天堂。

第一個醫生回答因為我獲得過諾貝爾和平獎。聖彼得讓他進了天堂。

第二個醫生回答我沒得過什麼獎，但我開設過免費門診，免枯孝費治病。聖彼得讓他進了天堂。

第三個醫生回答我負責管理美國所有的`醫院。

聖彼得思考了一分鍾，說，好吧，我讓你進去，但你要為自己的安全負責!

初二英語笑話帶翻譯三：

A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted(放屁) at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly."The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up yoursinuses(鼻竇) , let's start working on your hearing."

有位小老太太去看醫生：“醫生，我有愛放屁的毛病。其實也不是大問題，只是我放屁不臭而且沒聲音。事實上，我在這里已經放了20多個屁，但是你並不知道對吧，因為我的屁不臭，而且還沒聲音。”醫生說：“好的，我明白了。吃這個葯片，一天三次連續吃七天，下星期你再來。”一星期後老太太來了，“醫生，你到底給的我什麼葯，現在我放屁還是沒聲音，但是怎麼這么臭!”醫生說：“太好了!你的嗅覺正常了，現在開始治聽覺。”

;

Ⅳ 初一英語笑話小故事精選

笑話作為一種特殊的交際策略，它能夠幫助人們緩解尷尬的氣氛，從而保持和諧的人際關系。我精心收集了初一 英語笑話 小 故事 ，供大家欣賞學習!
初一英語笑話小故事篇1
大腦袋Big Head

“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”

“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

“Where's the shopping bag?”

“I haven't got one,use your hat.”

大腦袋

“所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，”小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：“他們說我長了一個大腦袋。”

“別聽他們的，”他媽媽安慰說：“你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來。”

“購物袋在哪?”

“我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
初一英語笑話小故事篇2
Husband: Did you sew the button on my shirt, darling?

Wife: No, dear. I couldn't find the button, so I just sewed up the buttonhole.

丈夫：你給我把扣子縫好了嗎，親愛的?

妻子：沒有，親愛的。我找不到扣子，所以我只把扣眼兒給縫上了。
初一英語笑話小故事篇3
懂得一門外語的重要桐物性A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

一隻大貓帶著四隻小貓，突然路遇一隻大狗，小貓嚇的往後退縮，這時大貓對著狗一陣大吠，把狗嚇跑。

大貓扭頭對小貓說：“看到沒老輪純有，知道懂得一門外語的重要性了吧。”
初一英語笑話小故事篇4
New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

侍咐model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新發現

一個鄉下人第一次到大城市遊逛。他走進一座大樓，看見一個歲數很大的矮胖女人邁進一個小房間。房間的門隨後關上，有幾個燈在閃亮。一會兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

鄉下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說：“我應該把我的老婆帶來!”
初一英語笑話小故事篇5
the science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "now i'll show you this frog in my pocket." he then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. he looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,

"that's funny. i distinctly remember eating my lunch."

老師正在給學生上生物課：“現在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。”接著，他把手伸進口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會兒，說道：“真奇怪。我明明記得我已經把午飯吃掉了。”

Ⅳ 有哪些英語小笑話給我來十個（越短越好）

1、英語笑話（一）  

老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.並讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：「湯姆是瑪麗。」   

小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?   

老師說：Go ahead.  

小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?   

老師說：Go ahead.  

小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？   

小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！   

2、英語笑話（二）  

某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hong tao liu，外賓曰：我TM還是方片七呢！   

3、英語笑話（三）  

江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：「哪裡，哪裡」。  

翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪裡漂亮的，乾脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."  

翻譯：「你到處都很漂亮。」江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：「不見得，不見得」。翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."  

4、英語笑話（四）   

話說某年某月的某一天，叄個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外僕人頭上的蘋果。A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM後羿！」  

B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」  

輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 結果正中僕人的心臟。就聽他結結巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」   

5、英語笑話（五）  

某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞， 忙說：I am sorry.   

老外應道：I am sorry too.   

某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.   

老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?   

某人無奈，道：I am sorry five. 

6、英語笑話（六）  

一位來自日本的旅客，坐計程車去機場的路上，看到一輛汽車經過，就說：「oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」又有一輛經過，他又說： 「oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」司機有點不高興，覺得他太吵了！當第三輛經過時，他還是說：「oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」  

後來到了機場，那個日本人就問：「How Much？」計程車司機說：「1000！」  

日本人驚奇的問司機：「為什麼那麼貴？」計程車司機回答說：「oh，mileometer（計 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」 

7、英語笑話（七）  

傳說柯林頓和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞錯了，把柯林頓送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地獄。發現錯誤後上帝馬上改了回來，路上二人相遇。 精彩繼續教皇：感謝上帝，我終於能見到聖母瑪利亞了（Virgin Maria）. 柯林頓（壞笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late. 

8、英語笑話（八） 

小強去看電影，到了電影售票處，發現一個老外和售票小姐連說帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說：麻煩你告訴她，現在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站著看。  

小強轉頭就對老外說：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 

老外回答說:Sorry I don』t understand your English.  

小強就對售票小姐說：哦，他說他不懂英文....

踩了一個老外的腳，為了顯示咱國家是有名的禮儀之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是禮貌有加，就來個sorry too. 

two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中國人還不是得禮尚往來？！~那就I am sorry three~   這下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for? 

暈，還有完沒完啊，還FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~） 

9、英語笑話（九） 

我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：「hello，你媽是猴兒。」老外用純正的天津話說：「你媽是大猩猩！」 

10、英語笑話（十） 

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.  "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"  "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "                     

「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」  「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」

Ⅵ 適合初中生的英語幽默故事

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他贏了 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？ 約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？ 約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探虧稿出窗外最遠，他贏了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」 「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。 「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。 「他走到哪裡我都能銷舉孝認出他，」伊凡說。答隱「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」 A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」 「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」 「她是個賣糖果的。」 Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing o policemen. If I regard the o policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」 Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor *** iled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。 英語小笑話 上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一個老美看到就笑我說, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎麼反應這么快, 聯想力這么豐富時,旁邊的 一個老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有一個很著名的合唱團 Korn, 他們的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能詳的喔! 下次就換你去取笑老美了.上帝曾經答應我 Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said. 有一次上帝來到我面前答應了我一個願望。我說我要世界和平。「那是不可能的」他說。 Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said, "Let me try world peace". 然後我請讓你變聰明。他說：「你還是讓我試試讓世界和平吧。」 1.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly. Tom: And why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 湯姆：威廉向我借五英鎊。我該不該借給他？ 傑克：當然應該了。 湯姆：為什麼？ 傑克：否則他就該跟我借了 2.I was acpanying my hu *** and on a business trip. He carried his portable puter with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the bination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my u *** and confessed. 我陪丈夫一起出差，他帶著他的手提式計算機。機場出口處檢查員要他打開包。他耐心的等著我那窘迫的丈夫設法回想起暗鎖的密碼。最後他終於想起來了。 「你為什麼那麼緊張呢？」我問他。 「這密碼是我們結婚紀念日。」他承認道 3.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down? Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I fot to shake the bottle. 媽媽：你為什麼不停地跳上跳下的？ 湯姆：我剛吃完葯，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了 4.One evening I drove my hu *** and's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.' My hu *** and looked up and said, 'Mom's here?' 一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」 我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」 5.Mary was so disgusted at her hu *** and's cigarette *** oking that she plained to him one day. 'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.' 'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a *** ile. 瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸煙，一天對他抱怨說：「我希望有一天所有卷煙廠都失火。」 「不用擔心，親愛的，所有的煙卷遲早都會點著的。」他笑著說。 Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」 「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」 「她是個賣糖果的。」 Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 (2) nest n.窩；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓勵 (5) resemble v. 相似；類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。 「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。 「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。 「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。 「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」 I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」 「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」 A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the *** ooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her posure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 -- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」 英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」 英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。 -- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。 -- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 英語笑話（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-hangded, are you?" 吝嗇鬼請客 一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」 「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」 「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。 英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement munity. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告「年輕者」 這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」 英語笑話（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my hu *** and's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My hu *** and looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」 我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」 英語笑話（九）The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 醫生住在樓下 「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。 「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」 他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」 英語笑話（十）One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一個引擎 一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」 回答者：lovemydream - 高級經理 七級 7-5 10:08 提問者對於答案的評價： 嘻嘻 評價已經被關閉 目前有 8 個人評價 好 50% （4） 不好 50% （4） 對最佳答案的評論 GOOD! 評論者： YABNV - 魔法學徒 一級 其他回答共 2 條 Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the motion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 邏輯推理 小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個例子：「有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裡。於是他開始掙扎並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麼？」 一個女生舉手答道，「是不是去取他的存款？」 [注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的「銀行」之外，還有「河岸」的意思。 Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了嗎? This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent『s witnesses． One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations． 「I want『yes』or『no，』」thundered counsel．「There is no need for you to argue the point！」 「But there are some questions which cannot be answered by『yes』or『no，』」mildly responded the witness． 「There are not！」 snapped the lawyer． 「Oh，」 said the witness，「answer this then：「Have you ceased beating your wife？」 這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。 有一個證人有點傾向於在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。 「我要你回答『是』或者『不是』，」辯護律師怒喝道： 「你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。」 「可是有些問題無法用『是』或者『不是』來回答。」這位證人溫和地回敬他。 「不存在這樣的問題！」律師厲聲打斷他。 「噢，」證人說：「那麼請你回答這個問題：「你停止打你老婆了嗎？」 Two Birds Teacher: Here are o birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老師：請說說看。 學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。 "Can you tell me what fish is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 魚網 "你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。 "把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。 昨天夜裡我爸媽表演「混合雙打」 Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？ 體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？ Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night. 尼克：見過，老師，經常見。就在昨天夜裡我還見過呢！ Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it. 老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。 Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.」 尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:「家醜不可外揚。」( 1．we o who and who？ 咱倆誰跟誰阿 2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎麼是你，怎麼老是你？ 3．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！ 你有種，我要給你點顏色瞧瞧，兄弟們，一起上！ 4．as far as you go to die 有多遠，死多遠！！！！ 5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏，無事退朝 6．you me you me 彼此彼此 7．You Give Me Stop!! 你給我站住！ 8．know is know noknow is noknow 知之為知之，不知為不知… 9．WATCH SISTER 表妹 10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse』』son can make hole!!龍生龍，鳳生鳳，老鼠的兒子會打洞！ 11.．I give you face you don』t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face 給你臉你不要臉，你丟臉，我翻臉 12．one car eone car go ,o car pengpeng,people die (車禍現場描述 ) 13．heart flower angry open 心花怒放 14．go past no mistake past 走過路過，不要錯過 15．小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too! 小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for? 小明：I am sorry five! 16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I haveone! 要錢沒有，要命一條 17．I call Li old big. toyear 25. 我叫李老大，今年25。 18．you have o down son 你有兩下子。 19.好好學習，天天向上： good good study,day day up! 20.people mountain people sea! 人山人海。 這個問題可以搜索一下 學知網,它的對應目錄是" 外語大全/英語學習/英語綜合教程/英語"

Ⅶ 七年級英語笑話

七年級英語笑話

英語笑話，有的令我笑噴了，有的感覺難以發笑呀，雖然看英文敘述非常簡單，但英語國家的幽默我們未必看得懂，下面是我為大家收集整理的是七年級英語笑話，僅供參考。

七年級英語笑話【一】

Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, "There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?"

Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.

They came out of the cinema at 11 o'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, "Look, Bill. A woman's running along the road very fast, and a man's running after her. Can you see them?"

Mr. Jones said, "Yes, I can." He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, "Can we help you?"

"No, thank you," the woman said, but she did not stop running. "My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!"

七年級英語笑話【二】

One day,a lady talked with her friend saying that the sun is the most beautiful and useful of the celestial bodies.

A gentlman who was present, answered: "Yes, Madam, the sun is a very fine body, to be sure, but in my opinion, it is not so useful as the moon."

"Why so?" asked the lady.

"Because," replied the gentleman, "the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we really want it, whereas we have the sun always with us in the day-time, when we have not so much need of it."

七年級英語笑話【三】

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

七年級英語笑話【四】

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

七年級英語笑話【五】

"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."

"Don't listen to them," his mother comforted him, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."

"Where's the shopping bag?"

"I haven't got one, use your hat."

「所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，」小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：「他們說我長了一個大腦袋。」

「別聽他們的，」他媽媽安慰說：「你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來。」

「購物袋在哪？」

「我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧。」

七年級英語笑話【六】

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在電話中交談

每個星期天牧師都會把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然後給他們講一個故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來了一台電話機。

「你們和別人在電話里交談，並沒有看到電話線另一端的人，對嗎？」他開始問道。孩子們點頭稱是。「好的，和上帝交談就象通過電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見他，但是他正在聆聽你的心聲。」

就在這時，一個小男孩尖著嗓子問道：「那他的電話號碼是什麼？」

七年級英語笑話【七】

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。「那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什麼用的？」他的一個朋友問他。「那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鍾」，學生回答。「這鍾怎麼工作的」，他的朋友問。「看著，別眨眼了」，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拚命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁牆那邊有人狂叫，「別敲了，你這白痴！現在是凌晨兩點鍾了！」

七年級英語笑話【八】

After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."在將母親下葬9個月後，當地殯儀館的`一個客戶終於攢夠了錢去買那副他早就相中的價值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來，將屍體轉移到了那副新的鋼制棺材中。「這副棺材有什麼特別?」，我問葬禮的承辦人。他回答說，「這種棺材終生保修。

七年級英語笑話【九】

One day, the teacher inquired of Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.

The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"

"The hole," replied Peter。

一天，老師問彼得：「4減4等於幾？」彼得張口結舌答不上來。

老師生氣地說：「真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋裡放四個硬幣，而你的口袋上有個窟窿，硬幣全漏掉了，那麼，你衣袋裡還剩下什麼？」

「窟窿，」彼得答道。

七年級英語笑話【十】

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．「No，ma』am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．」 Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，「Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．」 Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：「Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？」 「Rain．」 said the clerk．

一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說：「不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。」經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：「當然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨。」然後經理把店員拉到一邊：「千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什麼——說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現在你說她要買什麼？」 「雨，」店員說。

;

Ⅷ [初中生的英語小笑話短文]英語小短文

笑話是我們工作學習之餘緩解壓力、舒緩情緒的重要渠道。所以，在生活中我們多講笑話喲!我整理了初中生的英語小笑話短文，歡迎閱讀!

初中生的英語小笑話短文篇一
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live inthe United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he askedvarious members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The classwent very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that theywere engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me thekeys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought thatthe student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shruggedhis shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher'嫌衡殲s neck and kissed him on bothcheeks.

我的一位朋友在給一個成人學生班級上英語課。他們都是新近來美國攔孝生活的。在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之後，他請全班同學給他挑出尺子、書本、鋼筆等。課進行得井然有序，學生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認真。後來輪到一名來自義大利的學生，我的朋友說：“給我鑰匙。”那人看起來非常吃驚，也有點手足無措。看到這種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，於是又重復了一遍：“給我鑰匙。”那位義大利學生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇二
When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I requiredmy students to attend the university theater's current proction and write a critique. Afterviewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought Iwas actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.

我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當芹沖時的演出，並寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出後，一名學生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致於我認為我自己是坐在家裡的沙發上，從電視上看到的。”
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇三
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison.

一個老人獨居在北愛爾蘭，他的獨生子正在坐牢。

The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone whowould help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, ForHEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!

老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰可以幫忙把泥土翻鬆。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬不要翻鬆花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”

At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and g up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened andasking him what to do next.His son's reply was: Just plant your potatoes.

第二天凌晨4點，一隊英國士兵出現在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但並沒有找到任何槍支。”老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問到底發生了什麼事情，下一步應該怎麼做。兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”
初中生的英語小笑話短文篇四
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoedown-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knowswhat's happening."Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door,his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."

半夜兩點，科爾肯太太確信聽到客廳有賊，便對丈夫說：“別開燈，躡手躡腳下樓，別讓賊發覺，悄悄靠近他。” 科爾肯先生披上外套，責無旁貸地去捉賊。剛走到卧室門口，他妻子又補充說：“回來時給我捎杯牛奶。”

Ⅸ 初二英語笑話

初二英語笑話

初二英語笑話一：

粗灶宏A middle aged couple is watching TV when a TVEvangelist(福音傳教士) comes on and promises to heal the sick."If only you would pray with Him, place your right hand in the air, and place your left hand on the afflicted(折磨的)area, the Almighty Lord will heal you."So the man places his right hand in the air and his left hand on his crotch(胯部) and his wife says "Gee honey he said heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

初二英語笑話二：

"I am in desperate need of help -- or I'll go crazy. We're living in a single room -- my wife, my children and my in-laws. So our nerves are on edge, we yell and scream at one another. The room is a hell.""Do you promise to do whatever I tell you?" said the Master gravely."I swear I shall do anything.""Very well. How many animals do you have?""A cow, a goat and six chickens.""Take them all into the room with you. Then come back after a week."Thedisciple(門徒，信徒) was appalled(驚駭的). But he had promised to obey! So he took the animals in. A week later he came back, apitiable(可憐的) figure, moaning(呻吟) , "I'm a nervous wreck. The dirt! Thestench(惡岩冊臭) ! The noise! We're all on the verge of madness!""Go back," said the Master, "and put the animals out."The man ran all the way home. And came back the following day, his eyes sparkling with joy. "How sweet life is! The animals are out. The home is a Paradise, so quiet and clean and roomy!

初二英辯老語笑話三：

A jackal(豺，走狗) who was going to be eaten by a lion. The jackal said to the lion: "No, please, you can't eat me! You can't eat me! This will be a great mistake. If you eat me, that'll be terrible, that will be a disaster, that will be the end of the world!"The lion was very puzzled and said: "How come? How come if I eat you, the world will end?"The jackal said:"Because if you eat me, that will be the end of the world for me!"

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Ⅹ 中學生英語笑話

中學生英語笑話

中學生英語笑話：Hardofhearing

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain‘t it?"

"No,"絕畢 the second man replied, "It‘s Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let‘s have a coke."

中學生英語笑話並磨芹：Chooseapunishment

private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

"You can take your choice, private - one month‘s restriction or twenty day‘s pay," said the officer.

"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I‘ll take the money."

中學生英語笑話：Greatfirstparent

The First parent

by Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God‘s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don‘t."

"Don‘t what?", Adam replied.

"Don‘t eat the forbidden fruit."

"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"

"It‘s over there," said God, wondering why He hadn‘t stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

"Didn‘t I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First parent asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I nno," Adam answered.

游悉God‘s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven‘t taken it, don‘t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

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