幽默的英語閱讀理解
① 幽默故事類英語閱讀理解
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.""Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?""They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once."Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，並對他說：「喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得判畢像一個紳士那樣。」迪克問：「像一個差沖紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？」他姨媽馬上回答說：「紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。」迪克說了一聲「噢」。他對此想了一會，然後，他虛沖殲把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：「凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。」
② 初中幽默英語小故事
從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的「調劑品」。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面我為大家帶來，歡迎大家閱讀!
1：不要動
A friend of mine was giving an important dinner party for her hu *** and's business associates.
She put guest towels and soap in the bathroom, and, not wanting her teenagers to use them first, attached warning notes that read:"Use these, I'll kill you."
When the guests left after a successful evening, she went into the bathroom and xiaogushi8 found towels and soap untouched…with her warning notes still on them.
我的一位朋友為他丈夫舉辦了一次很重要的業務往來交往招待會。
他把客人用的毛巾、香皂都放在洗澡間。為了不讓她的小孩們先把這些東西用了，她在上面貼了張條子。上面寫著：用一下，我就殺了你們。
當客人們度過一個很愉快的晚上滿意而去後，她來到洗澡間，發現毛巾和香皂都無人用過…因為她貼的條子還在上面。
2：真情
We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.
My hu *** and, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I has delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, *** iling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"
"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."
我們和一大群人在橄欖球比賽散場時紛紛撤離比賽場。
我那位從未在大庭廣眾之下流露感情的丈夫這時拉住了我的手，我非常高興。當我們手拉手往體育場外走時，我抬著頭看著他並笑著問：「你不想失去我，對嗎?」
丈夫回答道：「不是，我只是不想去找你。」
3：受歡迎的聽眾
One afternoon while I was talking to a professor, my two-year-old daughter Melissa, wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and, to my di *** ay, Melissa sat down in the front row.
When I went in to get her, the instructor stopped me. "Young lady," he said, "I have been teaching calculus at this college for over 20 years. Not once in that time has anyone e to my class just because he or she wanted to. The child may stay."
一天下午，在我和一位教授說話的時候，我兩歲的女兒瑪麗莎轉到了附近的一個教室里。那兒正在上數學課。更糟的是瑪麗莎還居然坐在了前排的座位上。
當我走進去想把她抱出來時，上課的教授攔住了我。她說：「這位女士，我在這所大學里已經教了20多年的微積分。在這期間從未有人是出於自願來到我的課堂，這個孩子可以呆在這里。」
4：禽以毛聚
An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China, whose specialty was roast ck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table: "This is the breast of the ck. This is the leg of the ck. This is the wing of the ck…"
Then came a dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for an explanation. Silence.
"Well," he finally asked, "What is this?"
"It's a friend of the ck," said the waiter.
一個美國的遊客來到中國，他到了一家專營烤鴨的飯店進餐。服務員每次端上來一道菜都給他報上菜名：「這是鴨胸，這是鴨腿，這是鴨翅……」
這時又上的一個菜，那個美國人一看便知是雞，但他想聽聽服務員會怎麼報這個菜名。他等著，服務員卻一個字也沒說。
「唉!」他終於忍不住了，「這個菜叫什麼?」
「這是鴨的朋友。」服務員答道。
以上就是我為大家帶來的，希望大家喜歡!
③ 英語幽默閱讀理解
1不能說老師沒被警告過 言下之意就是老師長得真不咋地2童言無忌
3thank you ，sir，i wont do it again。 Anyway，i dont like being ugly 。原創答案 希望樓主採納 O(∩_∩)O謝謝
④ 關於英語幽默短文運動完怎麼放鬆肌肉帶翻譯閱讀
The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. 「 We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.」 The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn』t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn』t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, 「 Wait here,」 said the policeman 「 Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I』ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.」
警察與小偷
一次， 一個新上任的警察在小鎮上抓住了一個小偷，他決定把這小偷押送到城裡警察局去。在路上，他們路過了一家麵包店。「我們沒帶吃的，呆會兒肯定會餓的，讓我去給咱們買點麵包。你在這等等我啊。」小偷說道。
警察同意了，並在街上等了很長一段時間，但是，小偷一直沒有從商店出來。警察開始擔心了，他跑進商店，除了一扇開著的後門，他什麼也沒看見。
警察不得不很郁悶的獨自回到了警察局。
幸運的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。當他們路過同一條街，同一家商店時，「在這等著我，」警察說道，「上次，你從這家商店溜了，這次，我去買麵包，你必須在這等我！」
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅?
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow.
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference, "replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly
exasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."
反正我太太明天會來換的。
一位先生走進一家商店要買付手套。
「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。
「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。
「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。
「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。
「號碼呢？」
「您就隨便給我拿一付吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。
⑤ 英語幽默小故事5篇
英語 故事 會出現學生認識或是不認識的單詞，而這個單詞的重復不斷出現，會加深同學們對單詞的記憶。這種記憶不是死記硬背，而是在潛移默化中，讓學生記住。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
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英語幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
別撿地上的錢
一位經濟學教授和一名學生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學生走過去准備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。
「為什麼不撿?」
「假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了。」
「該發明的都已經被發明出來了。」
英語幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知識越少掙錢越多
定理：工程師和科學家永遠應當比經濟專家掙錢少。
下面是對該定理的一個嚴格的數學證明：
假設一：知識就是力量(Power)。
假設二：時間就是金錢。
每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識= 。求解金錢表達式，我們得到：金錢= 。
因此，當知識趨於零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨於無窮大。
結論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。
英語幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他們本該在晚上打球
神父、心理學家和經濟學家三人結伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲後朝他們走了過來。他 自我介紹 說是前面那組球手們的助手，因為那組球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們三位耐心等待。神父聽後忙說：「哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!」心理學家也趕緊說：「我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!」這時只聽經濟學家說：「哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的。」
英語幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.「Flight 354，「said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.「The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.」The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調整其正常接收頻率。"354航班，」指揮塔在呼叫，「請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯系。」這一指令重復了幾次之後，竟沒得到任何迴音。最後，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:"354航班，西蒙說速與135. 5預率聯系。」這一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答並迅速服從了指揮。」
英語幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司機都能回答那個問題
一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學展開一系列講座。為了完成這項任務，他租了一輛車並雇了一名司機載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機對這位經濟學家說：「我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了。」經濟學家覺得這個想法很有趣，於是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。
司機完美無瑕地完成了演講。可是當講座結束後，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術含量相當高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機沉思了一會，回答道：「這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機都能回答。」
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var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm..com/hm.js?"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();⑥ 幽默類的英語短文閱讀
隨著經濟全球化的發展和國際交往的日益頻繁,語言成為人們互相交流的重要橋梁。英語教學已成為各級學校的重點教學內容。本文是幽默類的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!
幽默類的英語短文：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the hu *** and's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重許願
一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。
妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯!」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」
仙女拾起了魔術棒。「呯!」，他變成了90歲。
幽默類的英語短文：Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance.
He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."
A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。
於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，「求救，求救」。
一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了回應，「報告你的位置」。
「I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里」。
沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的朋友，「你的船靠岸時開得有多快?」
幽默類的英語短文：Friend for Dinner
Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.
What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!
I know all that.
Then why did you invite a friend for supper?
Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.
請朋友吃飯
「親愛的，」丈夫對妻子說：「我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。」
「什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。」
「這些我全都知道。」
「那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?」
「因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。」
幽默類的英語短文：A Peddler of Selling Earthen Basins ***賣瓦盆的小販***
A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked :"Earthen basin is round, beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, that earthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack***爆裂聲*** . Lookers-on burst into the roars of laughter. He threw the fragments***碎片，殘片*** without extra trouble into paddy***稻穀，稻田*** field, but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off***放過，不懲罰*** easily:" How the deuce ***強式特指問句*** can you throw them into my field? They』ll impede ***妨礙***my growing crops!" The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:" Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."
一個小販在路邊賣瓦盆，他一邊敲一邊唱：「瓦盆圓又圓，結實又好看，光聽這聲音，就知不一般。」敲著敲著，「啪啦」一聲，把盆敲爛了。圍觀的人一陣鬨笑。他順手把碎片扔進了稻田裡，誰知人群中一個老農不幹了：「你怎麼能往我地里扔?這不影響我種田嗎?」 賣瓦盆的小販連忙辯解：「不要緊，瓦片見水一會兒就粉了。」
⑦ 經典幽默英語笑話8篇
下面是我整理的經典幽默 英語笑話 ，歡迎大家閱讀!
經典幽默英語笑話：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
新生兒
泰勒夫婦有一個七歲的男孩，名叫帕特。現在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。
帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對自己家裡也將有一個嬰兒的消息感到不滿。
一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個嬰兒的降生計劃做安排。泰勒先生說：有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。
帕特恰好在這個時候走進屋，他問：你們在說什麼?他的母親回答說：我們在說我們現在得搬家，因為嬰兒就要誕生了。
那沒用，帕特絕望地說。他會跟我們到那兒去的。
經典幽默英語笑話：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞?
一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說：我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應我嗎?
噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞?
經典幽默英語笑話：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
你叫什麼名字?
有一位很嚴厲的軍官在對一群交由他訓練的新兵訓話。他以前從沒見過這群新兵，於是他開始 自我介紹 ：我的名字叫Stone(石頭)，事實上，我甚至比石頭更強硬。這就是我為什麼要告訴你們我名字的原因。不要試圖對我玩什麼花招，這樣我們就能很好相處了。
接著他開始走到每個士兵前面問他們的名字。說大聲點，讓每個人都能聽清楚。另外，不要忘記稱呼我為長官。他說。
每個士兵都對他說了自已的名字。他走到最後一位士兵面前時，這個士兵保持著沉默。於是Stone隊長對他喊叫，當我問你問題的時候，要回答!我再問一遍，你的名字，士兵?
那個新兵很不高興，但最後他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石機)，長官。他緊張的說。
經典幽默英語笑話：No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
沒問題
一個禿頭的男人坐在理發店裡。發型師問：有什麼可以幫你嗎?那個人解釋說：我本來去做頭發移植，但實在太痛了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給你5000美元。
沒問題，發型師說，然後他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。
經典幽默英語笑話：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
一天，有人請這位偉大的畫家畫一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現了問題。霍迪斯發現，完成這幅畫後，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢。當作品完成之後，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂塗抹的一片鮮紅。
這是什麼?那位買主喊了起來。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。
這就是，霍迦斯回答說。
可是以色列人在哪兒?
他們都已經渡過去了。
埃及人在哪兒?
他們全都淹死了。
經典幽默英語笑話：人們什麼時候說話最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復數形式是什麼?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
經典幽默英語笑話：我丈夫剛進來
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在飯館里坐著一對夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當那女子向旁邊瞥了一眼時，服務員馬上跑了過來。
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“夫人，您瞧,” 他說,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
“不，他沒有,” 她回答,“我丈夫剛從門外進來。”
經典幽默英語笑話：有兩條褲子
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
丈夫下班回到家裡，發現自己的新娘心緒煩亂。“我心裡太難受了，”她說。“我在給你熨西裝時把褲子的臀部燒了個大洞。”
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“沒事兒，”丈夫安慰她說。“你忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
“是的，”妻子高興地說，“幸虧你還有一條，我後來就用它來補了這個洞了。”
⑧ 英語幽默童話故事
多閱讀一些英語童話小 故事 ,會提高孩子的 英語閱讀 能力而且對口語和詞彙量的增加也有所幫助。下面是我整理的英語幽默 童話故事 ，漢語大家閱讀。
英語幽默童話故事： I can’t Cook It
It’s sunny day in spring. Miss Cat is fishing. Suddenly the fishing rod moves. “Great! Oh, it’s so heavy!” Miss Cat says happily.
The fish is plucked out of the river. “Oh, a big fish! How big the fish is!” She cheers. But she puts the fish into the river and goes on fishing.
At the time Mr. House goes by and sees it. “What do you set it free?” He asks. “Because my pot is too small. I can’t cook it,” Miss Cat says.
我沒法煮它
這是春天裡一個陽光明媚的日子，貓小姐在河邊釣魚。突然魚竿動了動。“太棒了!哇，好重啊!”貓小姐高興地喊著。
魚被拉出來了。“啊!一條大魚!這條大魚可真大呀!”她歡呼道。但是她卻把魚放回河裡，又繼續釣魚。
這時候馬先生路過，看見這一切，就問她：“為什麼你把魚放了?” “因為我的鍋太小。我沒辦法燒這么大的魚。”貓小姐回答說。
英語幽默童話故事： Count Tomorrow Morning
It’s a right. John is looking at the sky.
Tom is John’s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?”
John says, “I’m counting stars.”
Tom laughs and says, “It’s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?”
明天早上數
這是一個晚上。約翰抬頭看著天空。
湯姆是約翰的弟弟。他問約翰：“你在干什麼?”
約翰說：“我在數星星。”
湯姆笑著說：“現在天空太黑了。你為什麼不等到明天早上再數呢?”
英語幽默童話故事： I Don’t Like Her
Bob goes to a new school.
One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.
“I don’t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.”
我不喜歡她
鮑勃的去了所新學校。
一天， 他回到家，他媽媽問他：“你喜歡你的新老師嗎?”
“不，我不喜歡她，媽媽。因為她先說3加3等於6，然後她又說2加4等於6.”
英語幽默童話故事：Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什麼意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”
英語幽默童話故事：
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那麼現在尾巴到哪裡去了?”
“我來試試看，”一位老太太說。
“該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”
英語幽默童話故事：
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
一名偉人
老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎?
學生：當然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。
英語幽默童話故事： A Clever Panda
A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home. But the pumpkin is too big. The panda can’t take it home.
Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her. She watches the bike. “I know! I have a good idea.” she jumps and shouts happily, “I can roll a pumpkin. It’s like a wheel.”
So she rolls the pumpkin to her home. When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, “Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?” the little panda answers proudly, “I can’t lift it, but I can roll it.” Her mother smiled and says，“What a clever girl! Use you heard to do something,”
聰明的熊貓
一隻小熊貓摘了一隻大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是這只南瓜太大了，她沒有辦法把這么大的南瓜帶回家。
突然她看見一隻狗熊騎著一輛自行車朝她這邊來。她看著自行車，跳著說：“有了!我有辦法了。我可以把南瓜滾回家去。南瓜好像車輪。
於是她把那瓜滾回家。當她媽媽看到這只大南瓜的時候，很驚訝：“天啊!這么食的南瓜!你是怎麼把它帶回家來的?”小熊貓自豪地說;“我拎不動它，可是我能滾動它啊!”她媽媽微笑著說：“真聰明啊!記住：只要你肯動腦筋，沒有難辦的事。”
英語幽默童話故事：Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠葯
鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠葯。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了葯，睡得很好，在鬧鍾響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老闆說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。”
“好啊!”老闆吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了?”