有關幽默的英語閱讀理解
『壹』 一篇關於幽默感的英語作文,要求有事例
寫作思路：可以從幽默感給人帶來的好處這個角度出發進行闡述，中心要圍繞幽默感展開等等，避免語法使用錯誤。
正文：
Humor is a flavor of our lives. Humor can soften relationship between people; humor can adjust the atmosphere of different occasions; humor can bring more fun and joy to our lives.
幽默是生活的調味劑。幽默可以緩和人們的關系，調節不同場合的氣氛，給我們的生活帶來樂趣和快樂。
First, humor is very necessary in communicating with others because it can soften relationship between people. In the process of getting along with others, the occurrence of difference and contradiction is inevitable. Sometimes, when we want to persuade others to agree with our points, we will find that our points are easier to be accepted if we argue in a humorous tone.
首先，幽默在與他人交流的過程中是很必要的因為它可以緩和人們之間的關系。在與他人相處的過程中，出現分歧和矛盾是不可避免的。有時候，當我們想要說服他人同意我們的觀點時，如果我們採用幽默的口吻，會發現我們的觀點更容易被接受。
Second, humor can adjust the atmosphere of different occasions. A person having a good sense of humor is good at adjust the atmosphere. For example, in a family, if the husband has a good sense humor, their family life would be more harmonious because he can adjust the atmosphere in time to avoid the occurrence of quarrel.
其次，幽默可以調節不同場合的氣氛。一個很有幽默感的人很擅長調節氣氛。比如說，在一個家庭中，如果丈夫很有幽默感，那麼他們的家庭生活就會更加和諧因為他懂得及時調節氣氛避免出現爭吵。
Finally, a person having a good sense of humor can bring fun and joy to others. It is not difficult to find that a humorous person is always warmly welcomed in any occasions because he can bring happiness to everywhere he goes. In addition, staying with the humorous people, we will find that we will be more positive and our lives will be more wonderful.
最後，一個有幽默感的人可以為他人帶來快樂。我們不難發現，一個幽默的人在任何場合都總是很受歡迎，因為他無論走到哪裡，人們都能感受到他帶來的快樂。另外，和幽默的人在一起，我們會發現我們會變得更加積極，生活會變得更加精彩。
『貳』 我求一些英語閱讀的笑話~~~盡量就是小短文~~~誰能幫幫我啊
搜就好了啊
這是我查到的
1、How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
中文翻譯
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麼不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文？"
被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"
2
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
丈夫給妻子看了一項調查結果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個字，而女人每天使用30000個。
妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字數是男人的兩倍，因為她們必須重復已經說過的話。
他問："什麼？"
3
Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：這個座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
4、
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了？" 媽媽在廚房裡問。"他在哭。"
"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。"
"他已經吃完自己的了么？"
"是的。" "我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。"
2009-6-7
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
路人甲對路人乙說，"猜猜我兜里有幾個子兒？"
路人乙說："我猜對了，你能給我一個不？"
路人甲說："你要猜對了，我兩個全部給你！"
2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區別
"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," said an instructor at a university graate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graate students just write it down."
一個教師在研究生工程學課堂上說："我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說'下午好'的時候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"
2009-6-5
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？
湯姆：每個月都有啊！
2009-6-4making faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐發現她的一名學生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責他。
這位主日學校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠都那麼丑。"
博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"
2009-6-3
A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.
While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."
She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."
一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。
當他和祖母聊天時，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，並把花生都給吃光了。
他們離開時，他的朋友對祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"
結果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光後，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"
2009-6-2
A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多麼可怕。
他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水裡蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。
"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什麼結論？"
"恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚裡就不會長蟲了！"
2009-6-1
Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.
"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."
"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"
"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."
中文翻譯：
一個看起來很難受的窮人走進大夫的診室。
"大夫！"他說，"幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！"
"天哪，"大夫說，"早幹嘛去了？你當時怎麼不來看？"
"實話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當時還不缺錢！"
2009-5-31
Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。
女孩：應該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。
2009-5-30
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
"To be deaf," replied the boy.
"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
在一次音樂學院的入學考試中，老師問其中一個男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質是什麼？"
"耳聾，"男孩答道。
"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。
"怎麼了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。
2009-5-28
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待："你怎麼了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"
男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。"
酒吧招待："那你應該高興才是啊！"
男人："不，今天是這個月的最後一天。"
【Laughter】2009-5-27
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在擔憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔憂。
2009-5-26
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會買；而對於女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會買。
2009-5-25
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"
女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。
"不論是誰，一旦違規，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什麼疑問么？"
這時人群中一個男同學問道，"那麼一個季度通行證需要多少錢？"
2009-5-24
Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？
女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。
2009-5-22
Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.
醫生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：應該如此。我昨晚練習了一整夜。
2009-5-21
Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."
Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."
皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現了我做過的所有蠢事。"
鮑勃："你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。"
2009-5-19
Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"
哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什麼大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"
弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"
2009-5-18
A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"
"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"
巡警發現一名婦女邊開車邊織毛衣，便開車上前，說："靠邊停車(套頭衫)！"
"不，" 她回答，"是一雙襪子！"
『叄』 幽默類的英語短文閱讀
隨著經濟全球化的發展和國際交往的日益頻繁,語言成為人們互相交流的重要橋梁。英語教學已成為各級學校的重點教學內容。本文是幽默類的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!
幽默類的英語短文：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the hu *** and's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重許願
一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。
妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯!」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」
仙女拾起了魔術棒。「呯!」，他變成了90歲。
幽默類的英語短文：Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance.
He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."
A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。
於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，「求救，求救」。
一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了回應，「報告你的位置」。
「I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里」。
沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的朋友，「你的船靠岸時開得有多快?」
幽默類的英語短文：Friend for Dinner
Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.
What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!
I know all that.
Then why did you invite a friend for supper?
Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.
請朋友吃飯
「親愛的，」丈夫對妻子說：「我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。」
「什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。」
「這些我全都知道。」
「那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?」
「因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。」
幽默類的英語短文：A Peddler of Selling Earthen Basins ***賣瓦盆的小販***
A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked :"Earthen basin is round, beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, that earthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack***爆裂聲*** . Lookers-on burst into the roars of laughter. He threw the fragments***碎片，殘片*** without extra trouble into paddy***稻穀，稻田*** field, but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off***放過，不懲罰*** easily:" How the deuce ***強式特指問句*** can you throw them into my field? They』ll impede ***妨礙***my growing crops!" The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:" Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."
一個小販在路邊賣瓦盆，他一邊敲一邊唱：「瓦盆圓又圓，結實又好看，光聽這聲音，就知不一般。」敲著敲著，「啪啦」一聲，把盆敲爛了。圍觀的人一陣鬨笑。他順手把碎片扔進了稻田裡，誰知人群中一個老農不幹了：「你怎麼能往我地里扔?這不影響我種田嗎?」 賣瓦盆的小販連忙辯解：「不要緊，瓦片見水一會兒就粉了。」
『肆』 英語幽默小故事5篇
英語 故事 會出現學生認識或是不認識的單詞，而這個單詞的重復不斷出現，會加深同學們對單詞的記憶。這種記憶不是死記硬背，而是在潛移默化中，讓學生記住。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
更多故事相關內容推薦↓↓↓
★經典安徒生童話故事★
★真實感人的故事★
★中國歷史寓言故事★
★三國演義經典故事★
★中外著名兒童故事★
英語幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
別撿地上的錢
一位經濟學教授和一名學生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學生走過去准備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。
「為什麼不撿?」
「假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了。」
「該發明的都已經被發明出來了。」
英語幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知識越少掙錢越多
定理：工程師和科學家永遠應當比經濟專家掙錢少。
下面是對該定理的一個嚴格的數學證明：
假設一：知識就是力量(Power)。
假設二：時間就是金錢。
每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識= 。求解金錢表達式，我們得到：金錢= 。
因此，當知識趨於零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨於無窮大。
結論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。
英語幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他們本該在晚上打球
神父、心理學家和經濟學家三人結伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲後朝他們走了過來。他 自我介紹 說是前面那組球手們的助手，因為那組球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們三位耐心等待。神父聽後忙說：「哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!」心理學家也趕緊說：「我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!」這時只聽經濟學家說：「哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的。」
英語幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.「Flight 354，「said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.「The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.」The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調整其正常接收頻率。"354航班，」指揮塔在呼叫，「請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯系。」這一指令重復了幾次之後，竟沒得到任何迴音。最後，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:"354航班，西蒙說速與135. 5預率聯系。」這一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答並迅速服從了指揮。」
英語幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司機都能回答那個問題
一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學展開一系列講座。為了完成這項任務，他租了一輛車並雇了一名司機載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機對這位經濟學家說：「我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了。」經濟學家覺得這個想法很有趣，於是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。
司機完美無瑕地完成了演講。可是當講座結束後，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術含量相當高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機沉思了一會，回答道：「這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機都能回答。」
英語幽默小故事相關 文章 ：
★ 英語幽默小故事合集5篇
★ 英語幽默小故事合集5篇
★ 英語幽默小故事10篇
★ 英語幽默小故事合集7篇
★ 幽默英語小故事16篇笑死人的
★ 英語幽默小故事10篇(2)
★ 英語幽默小故事匯總大全
★ 英語幽默小故事四篇
★ 英語小故事5分鍾幽默
★ 英語幽默小故事帶翻譯精選
var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm..com/hm.js?"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();『伍』 英語幽默閱讀理解
1不能說老師沒被警告過 言下之意就是老師長得真不咋地2童言無忌
3thank you ，sir，i wont do it again。 Anyway，i dont like being ugly 。原創答案 希望樓主採納 O(∩_∩)O謝謝
『陸』 關於英語幽默短文運動完怎麼放鬆肌肉帶翻譯閱讀
The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. 「 We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.」 The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn』t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn』t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, 「 Wait here,」 said the policeman 「 Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I』ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.」
警察與小偷
一次， 一個新上任的警察在小鎮上抓住了一個小偷，他決定把這小偷押送到城裡警察局去。在路上，他們路過了一家麵包店。「我們沒帶吃的，呆會兒肯定會餓的，讓我去給咱們買點麵包。你在這等等我啊。」小偷說道。
警察同意了，並在街上等了很長一段時間，但是，小偷一直沒有從商店出來。警察開始擔心了，他跑進商店，除了一扇開著的後門，他什麼也沒看見。
警察不得不很郁悶的獨自回到了警察局。
幸運的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。當他們路過同一條街，同一家商店時，「在這等著我，」警察說道，「上次，你從這家商店溜了，這次，我去買麵包，你必須在這等我！」
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅?
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow.
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference, "replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly
exasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."
反正我太太明天會來換的。
一位先生走進一家商店要買付手套。
「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。
「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。
「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。
「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。
「號碼呢？」
「您就隨便給我拿一付吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。
『柒』 英文短篇幽默小故事大全精選
英文的故事雖然閱讀起來可能會有難度，但是只要每天堅持不懈的閱讀一定的文章，可以很好的增進自身的英文水平,下面這些是我為大家推薦的幾篇。
1：The bulging belly fox
A hungry Fox found in a hollow tree a quantity of bread and meat, which some shepherds had placed there against their return. Delighted with his find he slipped in through the narrow aperture and greedily devoured it all. But when he tried to get out again he found himself so swollen after his big meal that he could not squeeze through the hole, and fell to whining and groaning over his misfortune. Another Fox, happening to pass that way, came and asked him what the matter was; and, on learning the state of the case, said, 「Well, my friend, I see nothing for it but for you to stay where you are till you shrink to your former size; you』ll get out then easily enough.」
2:A Piggy Bank
Once there were lots of toys in a room. There was a saving box on the dresser, and it was a *** all piggy bank. The piggy bank was full of bronze, gold and silver coins.
The piggy bank knew that he had many coins inside of him. That's why he was always proud of himself in front of his friends. "I have a lot of money. It is enough to buy all of you." The piggy bank always looked down from the top of the dresser and said this proudly. Then, the other toys looked up the piggy bank with envious eyes.
One night, the beautiful moonlight poured into the room through a window. The toys in the room were so happy. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's play together on this beautiful night." A baby doll with a red velvet ribbon said. "Okay. Let's play a game." "After that, let's have a tea party." "Wow, it will be exciting!" All the toys shouted for joy.
Everyone except the piggy bank joined the party. "That party must be boring." He held up his head to the ceiling and pretended that he was not interested in the party. He thought it would make him less valuable to join in such an unimportant party.
"Hey, piggy bank! e on and join us. Let's enjoy the party." "e on." Everyone invited him to the party, but the piggy bank ignored their invitation. Therefore, the other toys enjoyed their party without the piggy bank.
A rocking horse put on a knitting ball tail and danced. A rubber ball rolled over, and a toy car drove round everywhere in the room. Everyone seemed so happy.
The piggy bank looked down at them playing and watched with an askance look. Then, the playing was over and the tea party began. The piggy bank couldn't stand not eating when he saw the food, and he came closer step by step to the edge of the dresser.
He *** elled delicious cookies. He suddenly stuck his head towards the toys gathered.
"Clink!" The piggy bank fell down to the floor. When the piggy bank broke into pieces, the bronze, gold and silver coins inside of him scattered noisily.
The other toys were surprised at the piggy bank's fall while they were enjoying the tea party. Everybody looked at the piggy bank with surprise. "Look at that poor piggy bank. He was always proud of himself." "It's so sad. He could not even enjoy the party." All the other toys felt sorry about the piggy bank.
3:The Wind And The Sun
One day the wind said to the sun, 「Look at that man walking along the road. I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can.」 「We will see about that,」 said the sun. 「I will let you try first.」 So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak. He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself. 「I give up,」 said the wind at last. 「I cannot get his cloak off.」 Then the sun tried. He shone as hard as he could. The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.
的人還：
1.英語幽默小故事
2.簡單幽默英語小故事精選
3.幽默英文小故事精選
4.英語幽默短故事
5.少兒英語幽默小故事精選
『捌』 職場幽默英語故事
職場幽默英語故事
身在外企就好像站在國境線上，一半在中國，一半在外國。閱讀職場幽默英語故事，有助於大家舒緩壓力。
1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用
The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, 「you』ll have to go out if your son cries. But we』ll refund you the tickets.」 About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, 「What do you think of the film?」 「I』ve never seen such a boring film.」 His wife answered. 「It』s not worth seeing.」 「I don』t think much of it, either.」 The husband said. 「Wake the child up and let him cry.」
一對夫婦帶著他們 3 歲的兒子去看電影。進電影院時，服務員對他們說： 「如果你們的兒子 哭了，你們就得出去。不過我們會給你們退票的。 」大約半個小時以後，丈夫對妻子說： 「你 覺得這電影怎麼樣?」 「我從沒看過這么沒勁的電影。 」妻子回答說， 「真不值得看。「我也 」 不喜歡看。 」丈夫說： 「叫醒孩子，讓他哭。 」
2、What a Smart Wife 家有笨妻
A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and
burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."
"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.
有一個剛結婚的太太，坐在椅子那邊，看起來很懊惱，她先生回家看到她這個樣子，就 問： 『嗨，你怎麼啦?為什麼看起來這么懊惱呢?』太太說： 『很抱歉，你那件新做的西裝褲 被我燙壞了， 燙成一個洞了。 他先生說： 』 『啊! 那個沒關系啦! 我還有另外一件一樣的褲子。 』 她說： 『是啊，還好我把那件新的拿出來補那件被我燙壞的。 』
3、Endearing terms 可愛的稱呼
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago." Bernie 應邀來到他的朋友 Morris 家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie 發現，不管問他老婆什麼問 題，Morris 總要在每句話的前面加上一些親密的稱呼，象蜜糖，我的愛人，親愛的.，甜心等 等。Bernie 對 Morris 說， 「你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那麼親 密。 」Morris 低下頭，小聲地對 Bernie 說， 「老實跟你說吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什 么了。 」
4、Are you a normal person?你是正常人嗎?
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug." 參觀一所精神病院的時候一個參觀者問院長， 「你們是用什麼標准來決定一個人是否應該被 關進精神病院呢?」 「呃… …」院長說， 「是這樣，我們先給一個浴缸放滿水，然後我們 給病人一個調茶匙，一個茶杯和一個水桶去把浴缸裡面的水放清。 「噢，我明白了」 參 」 ，
觀者說。 「一個正常人會選擇水桶， 因為水桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大。 「錯了」「院長回 」 ， 答」 「正常人會把浴缸塞子拔掉」 。
5、老虎來了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you." 兩個男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一隻老虎出現在遠處，向他們沖來。 其中的一個人從包里拿出一雙「耐克」鞋，開始穿上。另一個人驚奇地看著他說， 「你以為 穿上這個就可以跑得過老虎嗎?」 他的朋友回答道： 「我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。 」
6、Another 40 Years to live 再活 40 年
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you." 一名中年婦女心臟病突發被送到了醫院， 在手術台上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 於 是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說， 「還沒有，你還能活 43 年，2 個月零 8 天。 身體快要康復的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那麼多年，得好好對待自己，於是決 」 定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然後還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些 美容美體手術。 她甚至還請人到醫院裡面幫她頭發給染了。 做完最後一個手術，這位女 士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫院的救護車給撞死了。 再一 次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝， 「我記得你說我還能再活 40 年?」 上 帝回答， 「那個時候我沒認出你來」 。
『玖』 幽默故事類英語閱讀理解
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.""Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?""They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once."Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，並對他說：「喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得判畢像一個紳士那樣。」迪克問：「像一個差沖紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？」他姨媽馬上回答說：「紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。」迪克說了一聲「噢」。他對此想了一會，然後，他虛沖殲把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：「凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。」
『拾』 有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
【 #英語資源# 導語】幽默是人類獨有的品質、能力和交際方式，語言是人類特有的能力和交際工具，幽默的傳達和創造又往往是藉助語言完成的。下面是由 帶來的有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀，歡迎閱讀!【篇一】有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
01. 人生的遺憾莫過於錯誤地堅持了不該堅持的，輕易地放棄了不該放棄的……
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn』t be
insisted on, give up something that shouldn』t be given up
02. 大師兄，你知道嗎?二師兄的肉現在比師傅的都貴了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest, don』t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The
Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 懷才就像懷孕，時間長了才能看出來。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant, it takes times to be awareness.
04. 還能沖動，表示你還對生活有激情，總是沖動，表示你還不懂生活。
If you acts on impulse, you have passions in life, if you always acts on
impulse, you don』t know what life is.
慧碧05. 我問一個在深圳工作了二十年的朋友：「如果你死後，你的墓誌銘打算寫點啥?」他說：「我解決了住房問題!」
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20
years, what would be the proudest things in your life if you died? He said: I
have already pay back the mortgage loan of my department.
06. 媽媽說人不要前稿舉錯過兩樣東西，最後一班回家的車和一個深愛你的人。
Mom said you』d better not miss two things , the last bus to home and the
person who loves you deeply.
07. 一天看到一位大媽在燒紙，邊燒邊嘟囔著：收到了全都買基金吧~~
One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and mumbled : buy funds
if you get it.
08. 好的愛情是你透過一個男人看到世界，壞的愛情是你為了一個人舍棄世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man; a bad love is you abandon the
world for a man.
09. 諸葛亮出山前，也沒帶過兵!憑啥我就要工作敬源經驗?
Before Liang Zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the
army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的陰影，別怕，那是因為你的背後有陽光……
If you saw the dark in front of you, dont be afriad, that's because
sunshine is at your back.
【篇二】有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
開始我直接求上帝賜輛自行車。後來我琢磨上帝辦事兒不是這個路數。於是老子偷了一輛然後求上帝寬恕。
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永遠不能戰勝一個純SB，因為他會把你的智商拉到跟他個水平，然後用豐富的經驗打敗你.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以為我想要的是職業，結果發現我只是想要工資。
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直譯：知識就是說你知道西紅柿是一種水果;智慧就好似不要把它放進水果沙拉里。
意譯a：知識就是告訴你說應該把雞蛋放進籃子，智慧則是叫你不要把所有雞蛋都放進一個籃子。
意譯b：所謂知識就是知道韓少和小四都屬於80後，但智慧告訴你最終還是男女有別。
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅著咱們呢，大夥好歹喜感點吧!
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫們走路和說話。然後你再花16年教丫們坐定和閉嘴。
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says"If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
當我填表的時候，有一項是「緊急情況聯系：」 我填上了「醫生」，到時候我媽能幫上什麼忙?!
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
直譯：小孩子要中間名，純粹是為了讓他知道他啥時候真的有麻煩了。
意譯：起個全名就為了揍孩子前可以底氣十足地喊出來。
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
跳樓的時候，「啊——」的時候還沒死， 「啪!」那才是死了。
【篇三】有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
1. Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
麻煩沒來找你，就別去自找麻煩。
第一、四個trouble是動詞，第二、三個trouble是名詞。
2. I think that that that that that student wrote on the blackboard was wrong.
我認為那個學生寫在黑板上的那個「that」是錯誤的。
第一個that是連詞，引起賓語從句;第二、五個that是指示代詞「那個」;第三個that在這兒相當於名詞;第四個that是關系代詞，引起定語從句。
3. I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.
我知道。你知道。我知道你知道。我知道你知道我知道。
4. We must hang together, or we'll be hanged separately.
我們必須團結在一起，否則我們將被一個個絞死。
這是一句雙關語。前面的hang together是「團結一致」的意思，後面的hanged是「絞死」的意思。
5. The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.
那隻敏捷的棕色狐狸跳過了一隻懶惰的狗。
這個句子包含了英語中的26個字母。
6. Was it a bar or a bat I saw?
我看到的是酒吧還是蝙蝠?
這是一句迴文句，順著讀和倒著讀是一樣的。類似於「上海自來水來自海上。」
7. 上聯：To China for china, China with china, dinner on china.
去中國買瓷器，中國有瓷器，吃飯靠瓷器。
下聯：Go front door buy front door, front door no front door,behind door with front door.
到前門買前門，前門沒前門，後門有前門。
這是一副對仗工整、妙趣橫生的英漢對聯。下聯中的第二、四、五個「前門」指「大前門」香煙。
8. 2B or not 2B, that is a ?
這是一種文字簡化游戲。它的意思是：To be or not to be, that is a question. (生存還是毀滅，那是一個問題。)
9. He never saw a saw saw a saw.
他從來沒見過一把鋸子鋸另一把鋸子。
第一個saw是動詞see的過去時，第二和第四個saw帶有不定冠詞"a"在前，是名詞"鋸子",第三個saw是動詞"鋸"。