英語幽默閱讀住哪裡
⑴ 內容是美國式幽默或幽默的英語文章(閱讀理解,短文也可)
http://www.taohai.com/cn/newsdetail.asp?id=2547
這個是老友記的劇本，裡面都是美式幽默。。你可以看看～
或者
TGIF vs SHIT
a man met a blond in the elevator.
he greeted her: "T-G-I-F"
but got the reply: "S-H-I-T"
he was startled, but repeated "T-G-I-F"
again the reply was "S-H-I-T"
he was frustrated and said: "T-G-I-F, I mean Thanks God It's Friday"
the blond looked at him saying: "S-H-I-T, I mean Sorry Honey It's Thursday"
http://www.chinaunix.net/jh/33/545296.html
⑵ 15則經典英語幽默故事
下面是我整理的15則經典英語幽默 故事 ，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語幽默故事1.
A: Madam, do you have something in common with your husband?
B: Oh, we have only one point in common—we got married on the same day, in the same month and in the same year.
英語幽默故事2.
After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. “ Get up, dear,” she said, “ It’s 20 to seven.”
He awoke with a start. “ In whose favor?”
英語幽默故事3.
The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”
The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”
英語幽默故事4.
On the way home from my university, I was going to drop off a friend at her home, when I realized I was lost. I asked her for directions. She said she was not sure of the route. Hoping to jog her memory, I asked, “ what route does your father take when drives you to school?” She didn’t know. I thought it might simplify things if I rephrased the question.” When you go home, which way does he go?”
“ Oh, that’s easy,” she replied. “ He goes back the same way he came.”
英語幽默故事5.
During my second year at university I was having trouble deciding on my major. In a agonizing discussion with my adviser, I decided to double major in astrophysics and theater. Getting up to leave, I said, “ Thanks for your help. But what am I going to do once I graate?”
My adviser shrugged,“ You could be a star,” he said.
英語幽默故事6.
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest’s plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said, “ You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?”
“ In the rat trap, sir,” replied the boy.
英語幽默故事7.
One professor solemnly addressed the class the day after a big assignment had been e. “ Many of you know me,” he intoned. “And many of you have met my dog, Gus. Obviously, one of you has not.”
“ I apologize to whoever slipped a term paper under my office door,” he continued. “ My dog ate your homework.”
英語幽默故事8.
Just before graation from university, my son and several friends were discussing the role their families had played in their career plans. My son, who had been accepted by a college of optometry, had been quiet ring most of the talk.
“ How about you, Dale?” one of his buddies asked. “ Was you pushy?
“ No, he replied. “ I had complete freedom of choice. I could be any kind of doctor I wanted to be.”
英語幽默故事9.
During my first year at Naval Postgraate School, I sat chatting one day with some classmates about the program’s difficulties. A professor overheard us and tried to allay our fears. “Don’t worry too much about grades,” he explained. “ When you think you know everything, they give you a Bachelor’s degree. Then when you realize that you don’t know anything, they give you a Master’s, and when you find out that you don’t know anything, but neither does anyone else” he continued,” they give you a doctorate.”
英語幽默故事10.
Recently engaged, I asked my aunt, who has been married to Uncle Bob for 34 years, what she thought was the key to the success of their long union. She said, “ Try not to argue, and we respect each other’s privacy.”
At this point Uncle Bob interrupted. “ She works days and I work nights,” he said.
英語幽默故事11.
About two weeks before our fifth anniversary of marriage, my husband asked what I would like for a gift. I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic.
On our anniversary night, he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet. “ A little four-letter word made me get this for you,” he said softly.
“Oh, how sweet,” I whispered. “L-O-V-E?’
“No,’ he replied. “S-A-l-E.”
英語幽默故事12.
A: Oh, how nice your bookshelf is! But it’s a pity that it is empty without any books in it.
B: I had no bookshelf in the past. In order to buy the bookshelf, I have sold all my books. Don’t you know?
英語幽默故事13.
M: Do you love your bride?
Bridegroom: Yes, of course. I love her very much.
M: Are you willing to accompany with your husband forever?
Bride (with head shaking repeatedly): Of course not. He is a postman, how can I accompany with him all the whole day?
英語幽默故事14.
“Joe is the man for me,” said a starry-eyed young lady to her mother, “ He’s nice. He’s handsome. He’s smart. He’s hardworking. He’s strong. He’s kind…..”
“He’s married” interrupted her mother.
“ So nobody is perfect.”
英語幽默故事15.
A tobacco-company executive traveled the country looking for long-time smoker in good health. He found one man who admitted to smoking for 70 years. “ If you do a commercial for us,” the executive explained. “ We’ll pay you $10,000.”
“It’s a deal,” said the smoker. “When do I start?”
“How about 10 A.M. Tomorrow?”
“Can’t do it then, son—I never quit coughing till noon.”
⑶ 英語幽默小故事7篇
若是你在 學習英語 的過程中感到很枯燥，不妨來讀一些英語幽默小 故事 放鬆放鬆。英語幽默故事簡短，內容詼諧幽默，情節生動有趣，相信在你在閱讀的同時也可以一起學習英語哦。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
更多故事相關內容推薦↓↓↓
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簡短勵志的小故事
感動人心的故事
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名人讀書的故事
英語幽默小故事1
My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.
我丈夫，麥克是個開大巴士的。一次當他剛要開過一個無人上下車的車站時，一位乘客喊過有位老婦人要上車。麥克把車停靠在馬路邊，打開了車門。
After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.
過了足有一分鍾，麥克才見到一位老太太拄著拐杖，慢騰騰地過著馬路朝車子走來。
He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.
麥克襯心地等她來到汽車旁上著台階。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.」Wait a minute!」she snapped."My mother's coming.」
趁老太太打開錢包找月票的工夫，麥克欲關門，老婦人阻止道:「等一會，我媽媽還在後面呢!」
英語幽默小故事2
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie應邀來到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie發現，不管問他老婆什麼問題，Morris總要在每句話的前面加上一些親密的稱呼，象蜜糖，我的愛人，親愛的，甜心等等。Bernie對Morris說，「你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那麼親密。」Morris低下頭，小聲地對Bernie說，「老實跟你說吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什麼了。」
英語幽默小故事3
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
兩個男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一隻老虎出現在遠處，向他們沖來。 其中的一個人從包里拿出一雙「耐克」鞋，開始穿上。另一個人驚奇地看著他說，「你以為穿上這個就可以跑得過老虎嗎?」 他的朋友回答道：「我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。」
英語幽默小故事4
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
一個女孩去 拜訪 她的金發朋友，這個朋友最近養了兩只「狗」，於是女孩問道：「它們叫什麼名字呀?」
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
金發朋友說，一隻叫Rolex，另一隻叫Timex。
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?
女孩說：「哪有狗狗叫這個名字的。」
"HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
「那個……」金發朋友說。「他們是監視器!」
英語幽默小故事5
Too Much Pressure
For a couple years I』ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I』m tired because I』m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you』re sitting at the table reading jokes.
壓力太大
多年以來我一直感到很疲憊，我曾經把原因歸咎為缺乏睡眠以及來自於工作上的巨大壓力。但是，我現在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因為我超負荷工作。我們這個國家有2.37億人口。其中1.04億已經退休了。還剩下1.33億在工作。有8，500萬人還在上學，工作的就剩下4，800萬。這其中還有2，900萬聯邦政府雇員，真正做事的就剩1，900萬人，又有280萬人在服兵役，就剩下1，620萬人在工作。從中再去掉各州和市政府的雇員1，480萬人，還剩下140萬人工作。但又有18.8萬人生病住院，現在只剩下121.2萬人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。這樣僅剩下兩個人在工作，就是你和我。而你卻坐在桌邊看笑話。
英語幽默小故事6
Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics
Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
Economists can supply it on demand .
You can talk about money without ever having to make any.
You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face .
Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out .
When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
學習經濟學的九大理由
經濟學家們會武功：「小心我們的無影手。」
經濟學家們能夠做到有求必應。
你可以不必掙錢而對金錢誇誇其談。
你可以開始拉著臉說「涓滴」這一術語了。
米克·賈格爾和阿諾德·施瓦辛格兩人都學過經濟學，看看他們後來都成為了什麼樣的人物。
站在失業隊伍里的時候，至少你會知道自己為什麼失業。
假如重新安排「經濟學」這個詞包含的字母，你得到的是「小丑的鼻子」。
倫理學教導我們堅守德行本身即是回報，在經濟學中我們得到的教導則是獲得回報本身即是德行。
喝醉了的時候，你可以告訴所有人你只是在體驗邊際效用遞減規律而已。
英語幽默小故事7
Nobel Prize in Economics
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things. Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.
(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)
諾貝爾經濟學獎
兩個持完全不同觀點的人都能夠獲得諾貝爾獎，這種情況只有在經濟學領域才會發生。
或者兩個持完全不同觀點的人能夠分享諾貝爾獎，這種情況也只有在經濟學領域才會發生。具體而言，繆爾達爾和哈耶克就是如此。
(有傳言稱在神經科學領域也有類似情形，比如戈爾吉和卡哈爾，所以經濟學家也許並非那麼另類。)
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var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm..com/hm.js?"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();⑷ 初中英語幽默小短文閱讀
幽默是心靈的微笑。最深刻的幽默是一顆受了致命傷的心靈發出的微笑。幽默是心靈的微笑。最深刻的幽默是一顆受了致命傷的心靈發出的微笑。本文是初中英語幽默小短文，希望對大家有幫助!
初中英語幽默小短文：財政學的一課
Smith was the manager of a construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company,and their representative offered to do the job for $400,000.
史密斯是一家建設公司的經理，他正負責一個新工程的招標案。第一位投標的是一家波蘭公司，他們的代表出價四十萬元接那個案子。
"That seems reasonable," said Smith." Can you give me a breakdown on that?"
「似乎很合理，」史密斯說。「你可不可以給我一張明細表呢?」
"Sure," said the Pole," $200,000 for labor and $200,000 for materials."
「當然沒問題，」波蘭公司代表說道，「廿萬元工資，廿萬元材料費。」
Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction Company, which bid $800,000.
下一個出標的是美國標准建設公司，他們以八十萬元競標。
"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith." What's the breakdown?
「嗯，這個價錢似乎有些偏高，」史密斯說道。「你們有明細表嗎?」
"$400,000 on materials, $400,000 on labor."
「四十萬元材料，四十萬元工資。」
"I'll get back to you."
「我以後再同你聯系。」
Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith’s office.
最後可翰·高斯坦·雷伯威茲公司的代表走進史密斯辦公室。「一百廿萬元是我們競標的價碼，」代表說道。
"$1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent." $1,200.000! That'sway out of line," exclaimed Smith." Can you give me a breakdown on that?"
「一百廿萬元這個標高得太過分了，」史密斯叫道：「你可以給我一張明細表嗎?」
"No problem," replied the rep." $400,000 for me, $400,000 for you and $400,000 for the Polacks.
「沒有問題，」代表回答道。「四十萬元給我，四十萬給你，最後四十萬元則給那家波蘭佬開的公司。」
初中英語幽默小短文：黑人英語
the black couple already had eight children,and lula may was pregnant with her ninth. finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.
一對黑人夫婦已有八個小孩，而魯拉·梅又懷了第九個小孩，最後她說服了她先生去做男性絕育手術。
on the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.
手術的早晨，她驚訝地看見她老公穿著禮服，乘坐一輛禮車到不遠的醫院去。
"say, honey, what's all this about?"asked lula may.
「親愛的，這是怎麼一回事啊?」魯拉·梅問道。
"baby, if you gonna be impo'tant, you gotta look impotant.
「寶貝，如果你想當名大人物的話，就要讓人一看就知道你很重要!」
初中英語幽默小短文：向你的煩惱說再見!
A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
一位猶太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列隊進入天國之門。
Said the Jew to St.Peter, "Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me."
那位猶太人對聖彼得說：「坦白講，能到這里讓我蠻驚訝的，我一輩子一直都受到__的輕視和侮辱。」
"That's a great sorrow to us, "said St. Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal. Just spell God and you may enter."
「我們實在感到非常遺憾，」聖彼得說，「但我們這里沒有那樣的偏見,這里每個人都完全平等，只要拼出God這個詞你就能進入天堂。」
The Jew ly spelled out G-O-D and was waved through the gates.
那猶太人正確地拼出God後，被招入門內。
Next,the Indian came forward and said, "St. Peter, all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination, and could only live in a reservation. Will I truly be free here?"
接著印第安人走向前道：「聖彼得，我一輩子飽受貧窮和種族歧視的打擊,而且只能住在居留地內,我在這里能得到真正的自由嗎?」
"My son, your troubles are over.J ust spell the work God and you will be free as a bird."
「小兄弟，你的煩惱已經結束了，只要拼出God這個詞,你就能像小鳥一樣自由自在。」
The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.
印第安人照著做，不久也被引入天堂。
Next,the black man strode forward. "St. Peter, "he said, "all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly. That won't happen here,will it?"
接著那名黑人跨步向前，「聖彼得，」他說道，「一輩子人們都瞧不起我，不公平對待我，我這里那些事不會發生吧!」
"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here. Just spell 」onomatopoeia「 and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours!"
「當然不會，我的弟兄，我們不會做那樣的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia這個詞，天堂之國就是你的了!」
看了「初中英語幽默小短文」的人還看了：
1. 關於幽默的英文短文閱讀
2. 初中英語笑話短文閱讀
3. 初中英語冷笑話短文閱讀
4. 初中英語笑話短文大全
5. 幽默英語笑話短文閱讀
⑸ 哪裡有好的英語原文的網站在那可以找到小幽默，小短篇，適合初中孩子閱讀。
第一個是KID'S CORNER的網站http://wiredforbooks.org/kids.htm
第二個是一個趣味科學,游戲,故事,DIY等等的回網站.我很答喜歡滴
http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/
⑹ 英語幽默故事帶翻譯
這樣可以嗎 ？
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
⑺ 英語幽默小故事5篇
英語 故事 會出現學生認識或是不認識的單詞，而這個單詞的重復不斷出現，會加深同學們對單詞的記憶。這種記憶不是死記硬背，而是在潛移默化中，讓學生記住。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
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英語幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
別撿地上的錢
一位經濟學教授和一名學生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學生走過去准備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。
「為什麼不撿?」
「假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了。」
「該發明的都已經被發明出來了。」
英語幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知識越少掙錢越多
定理：工程師和科學家永遠應當比經濟專家掙錢少。
下面是對該定理的一個嚴格的數學證明：
假設一：知識就是力量(Power)。
假設二：時間就是金錢。
每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識= 。求解金錢表達式，我們得到：金錢= 。
因此，當知識趨於零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨於無窮大。
結論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。
英語幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他們本該在晚上打球
神父、心理學家和經濟學家三人結伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲後朝他們走了過來。他 自我介紹 說是前面那組球手們的助手，因為那組球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們三位耐心等待。神父聽後忙說：「哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!」心理學家也趕緊說：「我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!」這時只聽經濟學家說：「哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的。」
英語幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.「Flight 354，「said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.「The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.」The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調整其正常接收頻率。"354航班，」指揮塔在呼叫，「請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯系。」這一指令重復了幾次之後，竟沒得到任何迴音。最後，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:"354航班，西蒙說速與135. 5預率聯系。」這一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答並迅速服從了指揮。」
英語幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司機都能回答那個問題
一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學展開一系列講座。為了完成這項任務，他租了一輛車並雇了一名司機載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機對這位經濟學家說：「我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了。」經濟學家覺得這個想法很有趣，於是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。
司機完美無瑕地完成了演講。可是當講座結束後，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術含量相當高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機沉思了一會，回答道：「這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機都能回答。」
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var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm..com/hm.js?"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();⑻ 幽默類的英語短文閱讀
隨著經濟全球化的發展和國際交往的日益頻繁,語言成為人們互相交流的重要橋梁。英語教學已成為各級學校的重點教學內容。本文是幽默類的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!
幽默類的英語短文：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the hu *** and's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重許願
一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。
妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯!」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」
仙女拾起了魔術棒。「呯!」，他變成了90歲。
幽默類的英語短文：Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance.
He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."
A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。
於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，「求救，求救」。
一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了回應，「報告你的位置」。
「I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里」。
沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的朋友，「你的船靠岸時開得有多快?」
幽默類的英語短文：Friend for Dinner
Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.
What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!
I know all that.
Then why did you invite a friend for supper?
Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.
請朋友吃飯
「親愛的，」丈夫對妻子說：「我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。」
「什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。」
「這些我全都知道。」
「那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?」
「因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。」
幽默類的英語短文：A Peddler of Selling Earthen Basins ***賣瓦盆的小販***
A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked :"Earthen basin is round, beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, that earthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack***爆裂聲*** . Lookers-on burst into the roars of laughter. He threw the fragments***碎片，殘片*** without extra trouble into paddy***稻穀，稻田*** field, but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off***放過，不懲罰*** easily:" How the deuce ***強式特指問句*** can you throw them into my field? They』ll impede ***妨礙***my growing crops!" The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:" Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."
一個小販在路邊賣瓦盆，他一邊敲一邊唱：「瓦盆圓又圓，結實又好看，光聽這聲音，就知不一般。」敲著敲著，「啪啦」一聲，把盆敲爛了。圍觀的人一陣鬨笑。他順手把碎片扔進了稻田裡，誰知人群中一個老農不幹了：「你怎麼能往我地里扔?這不影響我種田嗎?」 賣瓦盆的小販連忙辯解：「不要緊，瓦片見水一會兒就粉了。」
⑼ 10個英語幽默故事
下面是我整理的10個經典英語幽默 故事 ，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語幽默故事1.
When I checked on to a hotel in my last visit to the U.S.A., the receptionist said: “ Do you want a room with a shower or a bath?”
Thinking of the money, I asked, “ What’s the difference?”
“Well, “ he said, “ with a shower, you have to stand up.”
英語幽默故事2.
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. “ I feel terrible,” she said. “ I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seam of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “”Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. “ And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.
英語幽默故事3.
The new bank teller was given a package of dollar bills with the instruction to count them and see if there were a hundred. He counted up to fifty-eight and then threw the bundle down.
“ Why did you stop?” asked the bank manager
” If it’s right this far, said the teller, “ It’s probably right all the way.”
英語幽默故事4.
Landlady: An inventor once had this room. He invented an explosive.
New Lodger: Oh, I suppose those spots on the ceiling are the explosives.
L: No, that’s the inventor.
英語幽默故事5.
Plumber: I’m sorry I’m late, but I just couldn’t get here any sooner.
M: Well, no time’s been wasted. While we were waiting for you, I taught my wife how to swim.
英語幽默故事6.
M: There are two slices of pie in the cupboard this morning and now there’s only one. Can you explain that?
S: It was so dark, I didn’t see the other slice.
英語幽默故事7.
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, “ What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?”
“ To be deaf,” replied the boy.”
“ Nonsense!” said the teacher angrily.
“ Why, sir! Don’t you know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?” the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
英語幽默故事8.
A newspaper boy was selling newspapers in the street. He kept shouting at the top of his voice: “ Read all about it! A big swindling case! Eighty-two persons were swindled!” His curiosity aroused, a man went over and bought a . He searched through it and couldn’t find anything about the swindling case. Then he heard the newspaper boy shout: “ Read all about it! A big swindling case! Eighty-three persons were swindled!”
英語幽默故事9.
Five-year-old Tommy is fascinated by planes, and rushed outside every time he hears one to watch it until it becomes a speck in the distance. So when he finally had the chance to fly for the first time, he is pop-eyed with excitement. About ten minutes after take-off, he asks expectantly, “ When do we start to get smaller, Mummy?”
英語幽默故事10.
A man was told by his physician that he had only six months to live. “ Doc,” he said, “ is there anything I can do?”
“ Yes,” replied the doctor. “ First, give all your possessions to the poor. Next, move to a cold-water shack in the backwoods. And then marry a woman with nine young children.”
“ Will this give me more time?”
“ No-- but it’ll be the longest six months in your life!”