短一些的爆笑英語笑話閱讀
『壹』 經典幽默英語笑話8篇
下面是我整理的經典幽默 英語笑話 ，歡迎大家閱讀!
經典幽默英語笑話：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
新生兒
泰勒夫婦有一個七歲的男孩，名叫帕特。現在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。
帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對自己家裡也將有一個嬰兒的消息感到不滿。
一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個嬰兒的降生計劃做安排。泰勒先生說：有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。
帕特恰好在這個時候走進屋，他問：你們在說什麼?他的母親回答說：我們在說我們現在得搬家，因為嬰兒就要誕生了。
那沒用，帕特絕望地說。他會跟我們到那兒去的。
經典幽默英語笑話：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞?
一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說：我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應我嗎?
噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞?
經典幽默英語笑話：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
你叫什麼名字?
有一位很嚴厲的軍官在對一群交由他訓練的新兵訓話。他以前從沒見過這群新兵，於是他開始 自我介紹 ：我的名字叫Stone(石頭)，事實上，我甚至比石頭更強硬。這就是我為什麼要告訴你們我名字的原因。不要試圖對我玩什麼花招，這樣我們就能很好相處了。
接著他開始走到每個士兵前面問他們的名字。說大聲點，讓每個人都能聽清楚。另外，不要忘記稱呼我為長官。他說。
每個士兵都對他說了自已的名字。他走到最後一位士兵面前時，這個士兵保持著沉默。於是Stone隊長對他喊叫，當我問你問題的時候，要回答!我再問一遍，你的名字，士兵?
那個新兵很不高興，但最後他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石機)，長官。他緊張的說。
經典幽默英語笑話：No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
沒問題
一個禿頭的男人坐在理發店裡。發型師問：有什麼可以幫你嗎?那個人解釋說：我本來去做頭發移植，但實在太痛了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給你5000美元。
沒問題，發型師說，然後他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。
經典幽默英語笑話：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
一天，有人請這位偉大的畫家畫一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現了問題。霍迪斯發現，完成這幅畫後，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢。當作品完成之後，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂塗抹的一片鮮紅。
這是什麼?那位買主喊了起來。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。
這就是，霍迦斯回答說。
可是以色列人在哪兒?
他們都已經渡過去了。
埃及人在哪兒?
他們全都淹死了。
經典幽默英語笑話：人們什麼時候說話最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復數形式是什麼?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
經典幽默英語笑話：我丈夫剛進來
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在飯館里坐著一對夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當那女子向旁邊瞥了一眼時，服務員馬上跑了過來。
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“夫人，您瞧,” 他說,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
“不，他沒有,” 她回答,“我丈夫剛從門外進來。”
經典幽默英語笑話：有兩條褲子
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
丈夫下班回到家裡，發現自己的新娘心緒煩亂。“我心裡太難受了，”她說。“我在給你熨西裝時把褲子的臀部燒了個大洞。”
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“沒事兒，”丈夫安慰她說。“你忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
“是的，”妻子高興地說，“幸虧你還有一條，我後來就用它來補了這個洞了。”
『貳』 英語小笑話很短的
笑話是民族文化及社會生活中不可缺少的一環,從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛。我整理了很短的英語小笑話，歡迎閱讀!
很短的英語小笑話篇一
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰敗好雀森尼，你小弟弟好嗎?
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒?
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
很短的英語小笑話篇二
Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試
舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎麼樣?
母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
很短的英語小笑話篇三
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安?" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
很短的英語小笑話篇察歲鉛四
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到?
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
『叄』 幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯
幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯
有笑話，大家一起笑，這就是分享快樂，也許，快樂就是這么簡単。下面我為你帶來幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯，希望你會喜歡。
幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯【1】
思不斷!
After spending all day watching football，Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning，his wife woke him up."Get up, dear," she said. A It's twenty to seven. "
看了一整天的橄欖球賽，亨利倒頭睡在了電視機旁的椅子上。第二天早上，他的妻子來叫他起床:“起來吧，親愛的，差二十分七點了。”
He woke with a start. "In whose favor?"
他被驚醒了，爬起來問:“哪方領先?”
幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯【2】
分享
As the mother of three small children born two years apart, I'm often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories，prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene，they must go to bed and stay there.
作為一個每隔兩年生一個小孩，現已是三個小孩的母親，我到晚止時常感列精疲力盡。他們的父親和我給孩子們訂下嚴格的規定:講完故事、祈禱、喝水、上廁所之後，他們必須馬上上床睡覺。不許再干別的事。
One night，after a particularly trying day，all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies，milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people，standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked，"Do we relent or stick with the rules?"
一天晚上，經過了一番努力，三個孩子終於鑽進了被窩。我來到了廚房想吃點餅干，喝點牛奶，獨自呆一會兒。我剛想放鬆一下，就被二個孩子團團圍住。他們站在那兒盯著我吃東西.我轉向他們的父親問:“我們還要不要遵守規定了?”
Our three-year-old piped up，”Stick with the rules,Mom. "
我們三歲的'小孩說:“媽媽，還是堅持按規定做吧!”
Knowing she didn't really want to be sent back to bed,I asked，"And what are the rules，Mellisa?"
我知道她不想去睡覺，就問:“瑪麗莎，那麼規定是怎麼說的呢?”
"Share with one another,"she replied.
“有福同享。”她回答說。
幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯【3】
幸運?
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."
有一天我丈夫走路去上班，被汽車給撞了。我丈夫傷勢不太重。司機向他道了歉，隨後又說:“你太幸運了，我們就在醫務室附近。”
"I don't know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I' m the doctor. "
我丈夫回答說:“我並不感到有多幸運，我就是那兒的醫生。”
幽默英文笑話短文帶翻譯【4】
只能一輛!
After retirement，our friends Jim and Evelyn began traveling around the United States in a motor home，towing their compact sedan behind. While driving through a shopping mall parking lot in New York，they were pleased when a motorist stopped his vehicle and signaled them through.
我的朋友吉姆和依娃林退休後，開始用他們的家庭式旅行車進行環美旅行。他們在旅行車後面還施著一輛小橋車備用。在經過紐約一家商店的停車場時，一個騎摩托的小夥子很禮貌地停下來示意讓他們先過。這令他們很高興。
Seconds later，they were jolted to a stop by a loud crash behind them. To their amazement，the polite motorist had demolished their car.
幾秒鍾後，就聽後邊咔的一聲巨響，他們停了車一看，那個小伙於把他們的小橋車給撞了。
His explanation:"I didn't mind letting you nice folks by，but I didn't want that compact car to sneak through too."
他的解釋是這樣的:“我不介意讓你們這對好人通過，但我不想讓那輛小轎車也跟著溜過去。”
;『肆』 簡短的英語小笑話精選
笑話從另一個角度反映著人們對於各種現象的態度,笑話是民族幽默的集中體現方式之一。下面是我帶來的簡短的英語小笑話，歡迎閱讀!
簡短的英語小笑話精選
(一)
make your own bed
Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, you'll have to make your own bed.
Traveling salesman: That's perfectly all right.
亮畢Farmer: Here's a hammer and saw. Good night.
(二)
給父親賬單
Send the Bill to My Father
Doctor: ″I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.″
Patient: ″then send the bill to my father,please.″
給父親賬單
醫生:“對你的抱怨我無能為力。那是遺傳病。”
病人:“那請你把賬單給我父親吧。”
簡短的英語小笑話閱讀
(一)
Excited Remarks
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I’m going to have one of those someday, his dad’s response always was Not as long as I’m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I’m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
激動的話
我五手正歲的兒子對摩托車有強烈的 愛好 。只要看見一輛摩托車,他就會高興得哇哇直叫,並激動地說:瞧這輛!瞧這輛,我總有一天也要有一輛。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活著,你就別想有這玩藝兒。
一天我們的兒子跟他的小朋友在說話,有一輛摩托車開了過畢鍵悔去。他興奮的指著摩托車叫道瞧這輛!瞧這輛!等我爸一死我就要有這樣一輛摩托車了。
(二)
A simple sense
Once upon a time, there were two hungry people got a gift: a senior and a basket fresh fishing huge fish. Among them, a person to a basket fish, another a rod, so they parted. Get the in situ fish sticks who build up a fish, and cook bonfires, yet he tasted the fish meat, fish soup, even in he ate, and soon, he starved to death in the empty fish basket. Another person is carrying rod to starve, step by step, hard to the edge, but when he has not seen the blue sea, he was the last bit of strength and make out, he can only with endless regret looking salto earth.
And two hunger, they also received a gift elders and a basket fishing rod. But they did not each rush thing, but agreed together to find the sea, they only cook fish, they pass distant journey, came to the sea, and they began a fishing day, after a few years, they built a house, with their families, children, had built a boat, the well-being of life.
A person only, get the immediate benefits will be short, One goal, but also to face the reality of life. Only the ideal and the reality, to combine may become a successful man. Sometimes, a simple, but enough to give people a meaningful life.
關於簡短的英語小笑話
(一)
BlackBerry or iPhone
BlackBerry has just unveiled its new model handset, the Bold, in an effort to match the competition of Apple's
iPhone. The latter's intuitive touch-sensitive screen has been a big selling point, but critics say the BlackBerry's
keyboard makes it more user-friendly, especially for email. Which gadget tops your wishlist?
(二)
A Half-price Ticket
半價票
"How much is the movie ticket?"
“電影票多少錢一張?”
"Ten dollars, kid."
“10美元，孩子。”
"I only have five dollars. Please let me in. I'll see it only with one eye."
“我只有5美元。請讓我進去吧，我只用一中眼睛看。”