幽默型英語閱讀
幽默是心靈的微笑。最深刻的幽默是一顆受了致命傷的心靈發出的微笑。幽默是心靈的微笑。最深刻的幽默是一顆受了致命傷的心靈發出的微笑。本文是初中英語幽默小短文，希望對大家有幫助!
初中英語幽默小短文：財政學的一課
Smith was the manager of a construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company,and their representative offered to do the job for $400,000.
史密斯是一家建設公司的經理，他正負責一個新工程的招標案。第一位投標的是一家波蘭公司，他們的代表出價四十萬元接那個案子。
"That seems reasonable," said Smith." Can you give me a breakdown on that?"
「似乎很合理，」史密斯說。「你可不可以給我一張明細表呢?」
"Sure," said the Pole," $200,000 for labor and $200,000 for materials."
「當然沒問題，」波蘭公司代表說道，「廿萬元工資，廿萬元材料費。」
Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction Company, which bid $800,000.
下一個出標的是美國標准建設公司，他們以八十萬元競標。
"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith." What's the breakdown?
「嗯，這個價錢似乎有些偏高，」史密斯說道。「你們有明細表嗎?」
"$400,000 on materials, $400,000 on labor."
「四十萬元材料，四十萬元工資。」
"I'll get back to you."
「我以後再同你聯系。」
Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith’s office.
最後可翰·高斯坦·雷伯威茲公司的代表走進史密斯辦公室。「一百廿萬元是我們競標的價碼，」代表說道。
"$1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent." $1,200.000! That'sway out of line," exclaimed Smith." Can you give me a breakdown on that?"
「一百廿萬元這個標高得太過分了，」史密斯叫道：「你可以給我一張明細表嗎?」
"No problem," replied the rep." $400,000 for me, $400,000 for you and $400,000 for the Polacks.
「沒有問題，」代表回答道。「四十萬元給我，四十萬給你，最後四十萬元則給那家波蘭佬開的公司。」
初中英語幽默小短文：黑人英語
the black couple already had eight children,and lula may was pregnant with her ninth. finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.
一對黑人夫婦已有八個小孩，而魯拉·梅又懷了第九個小孩，最後她說服了她先生去做男性絕育手術。
on the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.
手術的早晨，她驚訝地看見她老公穿著禮服，乘坐一輛禮車到不遠的醫院去。
"say, honey, what's all this about?"asked lula may.
「親愛的，這是怎麼一回事啊?」魯拉·梅問道。
"baby, if you gonna be impo'tant, you gotta look impotant.
「寶貝，如果你想當名大人物的話，就要讓人一看就知道你很重要!」
初中英語幽默小短文：向你的煩惱說再見!
A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
一位猶太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列隊進入天國之門。
Said the Jew to St.Peter, "Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me."
那位猶太人對聖彼得說：「坦白講，能到這里讓我蠻驚訝的，我一輩子一直都受到__的輕視和侮辱。」
"That's a great sorrow to us, "said St. Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal. Just spell God and you may enter."
「我們實在感到非常遺憾，」聖彼得說，「但我們這里沒有那樣的偏見,這里每個人都完全平等，只要拼出God這個詞你就能進入天堂。」
The Jew ly spelled out G-O-D and was waved through the gates.
那猶太人正確地拼出God後，被招入門內。
Next,the Indian came forward and said, "St. Peter, all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination, and could only live in a reservation. Will I truly be free here?"
接著印第安人走向前道：「聖彼得，我一輩子飽受貧窮和種族歧視的打擊,而且只能住在居留地內,我在這里能得到真正的自由嗎?」
"My son, your troubles are over.J ust spell the work God and you will be free as a bird."
「小兄弟，你的煩惱已經結束了，只要拼出God這個詞,你就能像小鳥一樣自由自在。」
The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.
印第安人照著做，不久也被引入天堂。
Next,the black man strode forward. "St. Peter, "he said, "all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly. That won't happen here,will it?"
接著那名黑人跨步向前，「聖彼得，」他說道，「一輩子人們都瞧不起我，不公平對待我，我這里那些事不會發生吧!」
"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here. Just spell 」onomatopoeia「 and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours!"
「當然不會，我的弟兄，我們不會做那樣的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia這個詞，天堂之國就是你的了!」
看了「初中英語幽默小短文」的人還看了：
1. 關於幽默的英文短文閱讀
2. 初中英語笑話短文閱讀
3. 初中英語冷笑話短文閱讀
4. 初中英語笑話短文大全
5. 幽默英語笑話短文閱讀
B. 關於英語幽默短文運動完怎麼放鬆肌肉帶翻譯閱讀
The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. 「 We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.」 The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn』t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn』t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, 「 Wait here,」 said the policeman 「 Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I』ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.」
警察與小偷
一次， 一個新上任的警察在小鎮上抓住了一個小偷，他決定把這小偷押送到城裡警察局去。在路上，他們路過了一家麵包店。「我們沒帶吃的，呆會兒肯定會餓的，讓我去給咱們買點麵包。你在這等等我啊。」小偷說道。
警察同意了，並在街上等了很長一段時間，但是，小偷一直沒有從商店出來。警察開始擔心了，他跑進商店，除了一扇開著的後門，他什麼也沒看見。
警察不得不很郁悶的獨自回到了警察局。
幸運的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。當他們路過同一條街，同一家商店時，「在這等著我，」警察說道，「上次，你從這家商店溜了，這次，我去買麵包，你必須在這等我！」
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅?
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow.
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference, "replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly
exasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."
反正我太太明天會來換的。
一位先生走進一家商店要買付手套。
「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。
「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。
「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。
「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。
「號碼呢？」
「您就隨便給我拿一付吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。
C. 幽默類的英語短文閱讀
隨著經濟全球化的發展和國際交往的日益頻繁,語言成為人們互相交流的重要橋梁。英語教學已成為各級學校的重點教學內容。本文是幽默類的英語短文，希望對大家有幫助!
幽默類的英語短文：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the hu *** and's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重許願
一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。
妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。「呯!」的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，「那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。」
仙女拾起了魔術棒。「呯!」，他變成了90歲。
幽默類的英語短文：Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance.
He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."
A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。
於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，「求救，求救」。
一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了回應，「報告你的位置」。
「I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里」。
沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的朋友，「你的船靠岸時開得有多快?」
幽默類的英語短文：Friend for Dinner
Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.
What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!
I know all that.
Then why did you invite a friend for supper?
Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.
請朋友吃飯
「親愛的，」丈夫對妻子說：「我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。」
「什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。」
「這些我全都知道。」
「那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?」
「因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。」
幽默類的英語短文：A Peddler of Selling Earthen Basins ***賣瓦盆的小販***
A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked :"Earthen basin is round, beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, that earthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack***爆裂聲*** . Lookers-on burst into the roars of laughter. He threw the fragments***碎片，殘片*** without extra trouble into paddy***稻穀，稻田*** field, but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off***放過，不懲罰*** easily:" How the deuce ***強式特指問句*** can you throw them into my field? They』ll impede ***妨礙***my growing crops!" The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:" Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."
一個小販在路邊賣瓦盆，他一邊敲一邊唱：「瓦盆圓又圓，結實又好看，光聽這聲音，就知不一般。」敲著敲著，「啪啦」一聲，把盆敲爛了。圍觀的人一陣鬨笑。他順手把碎片扔進了稻田裡，誰知人群中一個老農不幹了：「你怎麼能往我地里扔?這不影響我種田嗎?」 賣瓦盆的小販連忙辯解：「不要緊，瓦片見水一會兒就粉了。」
D. 幽默的英語小故事
英語 故事 是英語教材中提升學生學習興趣、展現學習要點的重要載體,是英語教學無法繞過的檻。我整理了幽默的英語小故事 ，歡迎閱讀!
幽默的英語小故事篇一
名聲與艱苦勞動
During the Gulf War，my sister，Jane，bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet，to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him,he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.
海灣戰爭期間，我妹妹珍妮買了一面美國國旗，她請房子的維修工—一位老兵給她豎一根旗桿。當我妹妹為此什給他錢時，他說，他幫助掛美國國旗，無論如何都不該收錢。
Jane contacted her local newspaper，and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity.Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.
珍妮來到當地報杜，就此事在報上發表了一篇 文章 。當珍妮第二次碰到那位維修工時，他對珍妮說他所認識的人都看了她寫的報章，是她使他成為了名人。珍妮開玩笑地說讓他給簽個名。
"I don't have time,"the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.」
他回答說:「那我可沒時間，掛美國國旗的事忙得我不可開交。」
幽默的英語小故事篇二
獨自在家
My wife will go to any extreme to keep people from, knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late，my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignosed it,but the knocing continued. Frantic，sloe began to bark,softly at first，then louder and louder. Much to her relief,the knocking soon stopped.
我妻子獨自在家時，總是不想讓別人知道家裡沒有其他的人。一天晚上，我搏液工作到很晚。我妻子聽到有人敲門，她就沒理，但敲門的聲音總是不停，慌亂之中，她開始學狗叫。一開始她低聲地叫，隨後她的叫聲越來越大。敲門聲很快地停了，她這才鬆了口氣。
The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect."I came by last night,"he told me,"but I left when your wife barked at me!"
第二天，衡銀銀送報的小孩來我家收錢，那小孩告訴我:「咐宴我昨晚上就來了，你老婆老沖我學狗叫，我就走了。」
幽默的英語小故事篇三
彼得的長相決定了分數
One semester when my brother, Peter，attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis，an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portait for a class.assignment. Peter agreed，and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
我兄弟彼得在明尼阿波利斯的明尼索達大學上學時，有一個學期，他的一位學藝術的朋友問他是否可以用他做 素描 的模特作為課堂作業。彼得同意了。那位藝術生畫完了，就把肖像交給了老師。他只得了一個C-.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.」The head is too big，」the professor explained.」The shoulders are too wide， and the feet are enormous."
那位藝術生找到教授問為什麼他的分數這么低。教授告訴他肖像中的比例失調，教授說:「腦袋太大，肩太寬，腳也過於大了。」
The next day,the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one Look at my brother."Okay, A minus. "he said.
第二天，那位藝術生帶彼得見教授，教授看了我兄弟一眼，並說:「好，可以得A-。」
看了「幽默的英語小故事 」的人還看了：
1. 英語幽默小故事10篇
2. 幽默英語小故事16篇
3. 英語小故事3分鍾幽默大全
4. 簡單幽默英語小故事精選
5. 有趣搞笑的英語故事大全
6. 英語幽默小故事帶翻譯大全
E. 幽默故事類英語閱讀理解
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.""Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?""They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once."Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，並對他說：「喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得判畢像一個紳士那樣。」迪克問：「像一個差沖紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？」他姨媽馬上回答說：「紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。」迪克說了一聲「噢」。他對此想了一會，然後，他虛沖殲把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：「凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。」
F. 有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
【 #英語資源# 導語】幽默是人類獨有的品質、能力和交際方式，語言是人類特有的能力和交際工具，幽默的傳達和創造又往往是藉助語言完成的。下面是由 帶來的有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀，歡迎閱讀!【篇一】有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
01. 人生的遺憾莫過於錯誤地堅持了不該堅持的，輕易地放棄了不該放棄的……
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn』t be
insisted on, give up something that shouldn』t be given up
02. 大師兄，你知道嗎?二師兄的肉現在比師傅的都貴了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest, don』t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The
Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 懷才就像懷孕，時間長了才能看出來。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant, it takes times to be awareness.
04. 還能沖動，表示你還對生活有激情，總是沖動，表示你還不懂生活。
If you acts on impulse, you have passions in life, if you always acts on
impulse, you don』t know what life is.
慧碧05. 我問一個在深圳工作了二十年的朋友：「如果你死後，你的墓誌銘打算寫點啥?」他說：「我解決了住房問題!」
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20
years, what would be the proudest things in your life if you died? He said: I
have already pay back the mortgage loan of my department.
06. 媽媽說人不要前稿舉錯過兩樣東西，最後一班回家的車和一個深愛你的人。
Mom said you』d better not miss two things , the last bus to home and the
person who loves you deeply.
07. 一天看到一位大媽在燒紙，邊燒邊嘟囔著：收到了全都買基金吧~~
One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and mumbled : buy funds
if you get it.
08. 好的愛情是你透過一個男人看到世界，壞的愛情是你為了一個人舍棄世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man; a bad love is you abandon the
world for a man.
09. 諸葛亮出山前，也沒帶過兵!憑啥我就要工作敬源經驗?
Before Liang Zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the
army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的陰影，別怕，那是因為你的背後有陽光……
If you saw the dark in front of you, dont be afriad, that's because
sunshine is at your back.
【篇二】有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
開始我直接求上帝賜輛自行車。後來我琢磨上帝辦事兒不是這個路數。於是老子偷了一輛然後求上帝寬恕。
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永遠不能戰勝一個純SB，因為他會把你的智商拉到跟他個水平，然後用豐富的經驗打敗你.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以為我想要的是職業，結果發現我只是想要工資。
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直譯：知識就是說你知道西紅柿是一種水果;智慧就好似不要把它放進水果沙拉里。
意譯a：知識就是告訴你說應該把雞蛋放進籃子，智慧則是叫你不要把所有雞蛋都放進一個籃子。
意譯b：所謂知識就是知道韓少和小四都屬於80後，但智慧告訴你最終還是男女有別。
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅著咱們呢，大夥好歹喜感點吧!
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫們走路和說話。然後你再花16年教丫們坐定和閉嘴。
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says"If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
當我填表的時候，有一項是「緊急情況聯系：」 我填上了「醫生」，到時候我媽能幫上什麼忙?!
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
直譯：小孩子要中間名，純粹是為了讓他知道他啥時候真的有麻煩了。
意譯：起個全名就為了揍孩子前可以底氣十足地喊出來。
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
跳樓的時候，「啊——」的時候還沒死， 「啪!」那才是死了。
【篇三】有趣幽默的英語句子閱讀
1. Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
麻煩沒來找你，就別去自找麻煩。
第一、四個trouble是動詞，第二、三個trouble是名詞。
2. I think that that that that that student wrote on the blackboard was wrong.
我認為那個學生寫在黑板上的那個「that」是錯誤的。
第一個that是連詞，引起賓語從句;第二、五個that是指示代詞「那個」;第三個that在這兒相當於名詞;第四個that是關系代詞，引起定語從句。
3. I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.
我知道。你知道。我知道你知道。我知道你知道我知道。
4. We must hang together, or we'll be hanged separately.
我們必須團結在一起，否則我們將被一個個絞死。
這是一句雙關語。前面的hang together是「團結一致」的意思，後面的hanged是「絞死」的意思。
5. The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.
那隻敏捷的棕色狐狸跳過了一隻懶惰的狗。
這個句子包含了英語中的26個字母。
6. Was it a bar or a bat I saw?
我看到的是酒吧還是蝙蝠?
這是一句迴文句，順著讀和倒著讀是一樣的。類似於「上海自來水來自海上。」
7. 上聯：To China for china, China with china, dinner on china.
去中國買瓷器，中國有瓷器，吃飯靠瓷器。
下聯：Go front door buy front door, front door no front door,behind door with front door.
到前門買前門，前門沒前門，後門有前門。
這是一副對仗工整、妙趣橫生的英漢對聯。下聯中的第二、四、五個「前門」指「大前門」香煙。
8. 2B or not 2B, that is a ?
這是一種文字簡化游戲。它的意思是：To be or not to be, that is a question. (生存還是毀滅，那是一個問題。)
9. He never saw a saw saw a saw.
他從來沒見過一把鋸子鋸另一把鋸子。
第一個saw是動詞see的過去時，第二和第四個saw帶有不定冠詞"a"在前，是名詞"鋸子",第三個saw是動詞"鋸"。
G. 帶翻譯的英語幽默小短文4篇
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後
H. 英語幽默搞笑短文
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
第一次坐飛機
約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機，他讀過許多關於飛行事故的報道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請他乘自己的小飛機飛行時，約翰遜先生非常擔心，不敢接受。不過，由於朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終於被說服了，登上了飛機。
他的朋友啟動引擎開始在機場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。
過了一兩分鍾，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對朋友說道：「看下面那些人，他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣小，是不是？」
「那些就是螞蟻，」他的朋友答道，「我們還在地面上。」
A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅？
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
熱與冷
蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。「這太可惡了，」他抱怨道，「標著C的龍頭流出的是開水。」
「可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法語里代表『熱』。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點。」
「等等，」那位顧客咆哮一聲，「另外一個龍頭同樣標的是C。」
「當然，」經理說道：「它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。」
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the procer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the procer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
模仿鳥兒
一個人想在一個舞台劇中找份工作。「你能幹什麼呢？」負責人問。
「模仿鳥兒，」那人說。
「你在開玩笑吧？」負責人答道，「那樣的人一毛錢可以找一打。」
「噢，那就算了。」那名演員說著，展開翅膀，飛出了窗口。
How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
你是怎樣來的？
一個冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什麼遲到了四十五分鍾才起來上班。「外面太滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向後退兩步。」
老闆狐疑地看著他。「噢，是嗎？那你是怎樣到這里來的？」
「後來我決定放棄，」他說，「然後我就往家裡走。」
Keep the Change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.
零錢不用找了
在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時，我與一名准備買東西的顧客發生了一場爭論。他對購買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。
我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個有趣的詩人，這個要價是合理的。他說這是個原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。「零錢不用找了。」他說。
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條林蔭道上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」
中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的獎賞
一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何都能酬謝他。
「最好的辦法，長官，」這名水手說，「是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。」
A Mistake
An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯了
一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元，」他說，「我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」
「成交!」美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。
「其他人在哪兒？」一名醫生問道。
「我離開之前，」那名美國人說，「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
Imitation
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
模 仿
一個男孩放學回家時，覺得肚子痛。「來，坐下，吃點點心，」媽媽說，「你肚子痛是因為肚子是空的。吃點東西就會好的。」
一會兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說是頭痛。
「你頭痛是因為你的腦袋是空的，」他那聰明的兒子說，「裡面裝點東西，就會好的。」
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前禱告詞
朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。「上帝，求求你，」她說，「讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都吧。」
媽媽打斷她的話說：「朱莉葉，為什麼求上帝讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都呢？」
朱莉葉回答道：「因為我在地理考卷上是這樣寫的。」
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
勢均力敵
有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：「放點乳酪在裡面，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。」
這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家裡，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到乳酪。她不想再回到商店裡去，因為已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅乳酪的圖片放進了夾子。
令人稱奇的是，這畫有乳酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾里乳酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!
Class and Ass
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".
班和笨驢
格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門上貼了這樣一個通知：「勞里教授今天不見他的班級。」
一個學生讀了通知後，擦掉了字母「c」(lass：姑娘)。
後來勞里教授來了，也想開開玩笑，他擦掉了字母「l」(ass：笨驢)。